Author: Glenn Hauman

Time Magazine reports on the latest victims of the economic downturn by reprinting this letter to the employees of Rich Enterprises, Inc.:

From:  Richie Rich, President and CEO

My loyal employees,

There is no other way to say it, so I’ll just say it.  We are broke.  I unwisely invested all our company’s funds with Bernard Madoff, and now the money is now gone, never to return.  As of January 1, 2009, Rich Enterprises is no more.  You are all without a job, healthcare and pension.  And for this I am terribly sorry.

I was always known as "the poorest little rich boy," but today, that is literally true.  I have nothing.  Every asset has been liquidated.  My gold racecar that runs on cash has been sold.  My dollar-sign shaped swimming pool filled with diamonds has been drained.  I have had to fire my beloved butler, Cadbury, and he is now the personal valet of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.  Such is my poverty that I have had to shave the signature dollar sign fur pattern off my thusly-named dog.

Believe me, I have tried every option to avoid this catastrophe.  I appealed to my cousin and longtime rival, Reggie Van Dough, for a loan, but he too was heavily invested with Madoff.  Tragically, Reggie took his own life by riding his emerald-encrusted skate board under the deadly tank treads of Irona, my robot maid.  Best wishes, Reggie.  I hope you’re with Casper now…

Luckily, Bruce Wayne is still doing fine. Nothing’s stopping that Dark Knight money.