The Mix : What are people talking about today?

MOONSTONE MONDAY-HONEY WEST #3 REVIEWED!

Honey West is a character that I only know from the 1960’s television show starring Anne Francis.  But then again, being male, I didn’t need much.  Thanks to the corrupting influence of my father (Thanks, Dad!) I quickly became hooked on reruns of the show.  I never read any of the books but my understanding is that they’re a whole lot racier and sexier than the TV show.

Moonstone’s HONEY WEST series would appear to be following the original print incarnation rather than the TV version.  Honey doesn’t use any of the James Bond inspired gadgets she used in her TV series.  In fact, Honey uses the standard equipment just about any other private eye of the same period would use: a gun, brains, guts and sex.

Issue #3 is my first exposure to Moonstone’s series and while I wasn’t disappointed with what I read I also wasn’t jumping up and down with boundless excitement.  Honey is hired anonymously to figure out who killed the lead actress in a Grade C science fiction movie.  She thinks the job stinks like houseguests who won’t leave but she takes the job and hires on as an extra.  And that’s when the story gets cooking.

It’s not an elaborate set-up for a story.  But then again, how much do you need for a private eye story?  There’s a dead body, there’s suspects and there’s a mysterious someone who wants Our Heroine to discover the truth.  Bing bang boom.

The suspects we’re given are such a self-absorbed lot that I find it difficult to imagine that any one of them could have taken attention off of themselves long enough to even contemplate attempting to murder somebody much less carry it out.  Honey is soon up to her beauty mark in sifting through the various motives of the suspects even if they seemed kinda thin to me.

The artwork didn’t excite me but I do appreciate that it does what artwork in a comic book is supposed to do: tell me what’s happening, who’s doing what and why and to whom.  I also got the feeling that the artwork was attempting to evoke the feel of how the art in a comic book of that period would look.

So should you read HONEY WEST #3?  If you’ve read #1 and #2 I see no reason why you should stop now.  I’m certainly going to come back for #4 to see how the mystery gets solved but as to whether I’m going to continue reading the title…that’s a mystery that will wait to be solved depending on the story and art in future issues.

PULP EMPIRE TAKING OVER IN 2011!!

From Pulp Empire (http://www.pulpempire.com/)

As we ring in the new year, we wrap up the final stories of Pulp Empire volume 3 on our website, www.pulpempire.com. Later this month, we will debut the fourth volume of our pulp stories collections featuring returning favorites like Teel James Glenn, Jack Mulcahy, and David Perlmutter, along with new Pulp Empire contributors Scott T. Swartz, Paul Newman, and Kenneth W. Comer. Thirteen new stories in all. As always, volume four will be available with all the rest of our books over at our Lulu store (stores.lulu.com/nahlhelm). We have absolutely been deluged with submissions are are still working our way through all of them! Currently we’re putting together tales for our next two numbered volumes.

In addition we are also introducing our first themed anthology that will be debuting in May: Pirates and Swashbucklers. We are now seeking submissions for the book; guidelines can be found at our submissions page (http://pulpempire.com/mag/?page_id=3).


Those are only the first two of a planned five collections this year so 2011 looks to be a big year over here!

Sincerely,
Nick Ahlhelm
Pulp Empire editor

THE CONCLUSION OF MARK HALEGUA’S HOLIDAY PULP TALE!

THE CONCLUSION OF MARK HALEGUA’S HOLIDAY PULP TALE!

The Night Before Christmas
by
Mark S. Halegua
Conclusion
 

In a police precinct downtown, an impressive edifice about 40 years old and constructed of light colored but massive blocks, a tall man with dark eyes and brown hair in a police uniform walks up the precinct steps and up to the station desk in the lobby.

He approaches the front desk, set on a platform, and the duty officer, Sergeant Muldoon, looks down/ Hi Lieutenant. So, you got Christmas, huh? I thought you’d be able to get the day off.

No, Francis. Seniority still means something here.
How’s your wife taking it? You working Christmas, I mean?

 
She’s the granddaughter, daughter, and wife of a cop. She knows the drill. She understands, even if she doesn’t like it. The only thing is, it’s one year today since her father was killed, and she’s a bit upset we haven’t arrested the killer, Tony Minetti. He must have gotten out of town, nobody’s been able to find him.

So, Sgt., what do you have to report? Busy night?

Nothing sir. It’s been mostly quiet. I guess you could say nothing is stirring. Ha. We did get a call in from Northtown. Don’t know what it’s about yet. Probably some party making too much noise. Sent Toody and Cardona.

OK. Well, I have paperwork to do.
Unfortunately, I have some to add, Lt.

Walking to his office, with Sgt. Muldoon following behind him with a sheaf of papers, Lt. Jim Halloran removes his overcoat and sits at the beaten old wooden desk on an equally beaten wooden swivel chair. On the walls hang framed pictures of a younger Halloran in a pitching pose, wearing the uniform of the Toledo Mud Hens. Another of him holding a bat.

On the desk a picture of him in a tuxedo and a dark haired woman in a wedding dress. Another picture with him in a police officer’s uniform standing next to an older officer with Sgt. stripes.

Sgt. Muldoon looks at the pictures on the wall, You know sir, it’s a pity you hurt your arm. I think you would have made the majors the next year. I saw you pitch once. You looked like you could put that fastball wherever you wanted to. What a fastball! And your curve, twisted guys silly with that.

Halloran looks up from the stack of papers on his desk wistfully. “It might have happened. But, I did get hurt. And now I’ve got this great job. I’m a cop. I met Mary because I’m a cop. I wouldn’t have it any other way.Yes sir. I need you to sign these.

Lt. Halloran signs the papers and Sgt. Muldoon leaves.

Half an hour later Muldoon crashes into the room, you gotta come out here Lt. They got him!
They got who, Muldoon?

Rushing out into the lobby Halloran sees three handcuffed men surrounded by cops. One of them is Tony Minetti.

Minetti! Toody, Cardona, you arrested Minetti??!! Where, how?

Officer Gunther Toody, holding the handcuffed Minetti, well sir, we got a call to go to this house in Northtown, there had been an attempted robbery. So, we go there and these three are hanging off a streetlight in, well, uh, in Christmas stockings.

Halloran raises his eyebrows in surprise, What? Christmas stockings?
Tony Minetti interrupts, It was Santa Claus what did this! Santa Claus who stuffed us. Without him you would never have gotten me, coppers.

Toody chimes in, That’s what the swells said too Lt. Santa Claus came down and well, uh…
The guy even put coal in the stockings wit us!

Coal. Well, Walking over to Minetti. You have charges more serious than attempted robbery on you Minetti. And you deserve more than a lump of coal for it. You killed a cop last year. For that, you’re going to burn.
Turning to Muldoon, Lock him up. Tight.

You bet sir.

 As Minetti is led away he screams, Santa Claus. Freakin’ Santa Claus!

Muldoon, I’ll be in my office. I have a call to make.
He enters the room and closes the door, walks over to the phone on the desk and dials a number.

Honey, it’s me. Did I wake you? No, no. I’m fine. Sorry to call you so late.  We got him.  Merry Christmas.  

The End

 

PART THREE OF MARK HALEGUA’S HOLIDAY PULP STORY!!

PART THREE OF MARK HALEGUA’S HOLIDAY PULP STORY!!

The Night Before Christmas
by
Mark S. Halegua
Part 3

 

A beautiful gabled house. Lit up with Christmas decorations, a manger in the front. On the roof a full size sleigh with reindeer, complete with Santa Claus figure and sack.

Inside the brightly lit house several couples standing on one side of a table filled with food and drink. Their arms raised as, on the other side of the table three men hold guns aimed their way.

“Alright everyone. Remove all your watches, bracelets, necklaces. Joey here is gonna come around with a sack and you’re gonna put it all in there. And your wallets and purses. Don’t leave anything out. And you dames, don’t forget your ear rings. Everything goes in.”

“Having quite a Christmas party here. Al, see the Christmas tree in the corner? They got a lot of presents under there. Why don’t you take them?”

One of the partiers speaks up, a tall, rangy man with a pipe, “look here, take anything you want, the jewelry and money. We won’t cause any trouble. But, won’t you leave the presents for the children?”

“Naw, nice speech, but we’re takin’ it all. And, since you’re being so cooperative, why don’t you open the safe you have here? You know, the one behind that picture over there.”

The attractive woman next to the rangy pipe smoker, “You petty crook. You’re ruining this night for all of us, and if you take those presents, for the children as well you …”

“Norma, please be quiet. I’d rather none of us got hurt here.”

“Yeah, listen to him lady. You all be quiet and cooperate and we’ll be gone and none a you will be the worse for wear. Open your mugs or stop cooperatin’ and …,” Pointing his gun at the woman. “Now, Joey, why don’t you walk our friend here to the safe so he can open it for you.”

“OK, Tony.”

Setting down the sack with the collected loot, Joey Kucinski points his revolver at the pipe smoker and gestures for him to walk ahead toward the wall with the safe.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter-

“Al, look out the window and see what that was.”

“OK boss.”OK boss.”

Al Browning, about 5′ 7” and easily 60 pounds overweight, lumbers over to the window, opens it, and looks out. And stares.

“Well, what is it?,” barks Tony.

“Um, boss, it’s, well, it’s, it’s Santa Claus and his reindeer. They just, well, uh, they just landed on the lawn out there.”

Tony Minetti, still holding his gun on the others, turns his head slightly, “What are you talking about? Santa and his reindeer?”

From the fireplace came sounds ……

down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.

A small Santa Claus had dropped down the fireplace, a Santa Claus about 2 feet tall. From it you could hear, “Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas! Have you all been good little boys and girls? Merry Christmas!”

While everyone stared at this a groan sounded from the window as Al Browning collapsed to the floor, next to a dark lump that looked like coal. On his head a dark spot.

Another lump of coal sped through the window, hitting Tony Minetti in the hand, causing him to drop his gun.

And through the window running came … Santa Claus.

Holding a giant candy cane in his hands like a batter ready to swing for the fences.

Joey Kucinski, distracted by these events, turned his gun away slightly and Ken Robeson took advantage, turning and slugging him in the face. Knocking him out.

‘Santa’ ran at Minetti, who grabbed a knife from the table and turned toward the advancing man in red.… Santa Claus.

“I don’t know where you came from, but you’re not taking me.”

“I came from the North Pole to give you your lump of coal, Antonio.”

“No one calls me Antonio, except my grandma. How do you know …”

“Santa Claus knows everything about you Antonio. I’ve come to give you your present this year. A lump of coal. But, you’ve been such a bad boy I’ve decided to give you two.”

The two circled each other, feinting in and moving back carefully. Minetti moved to his right, then quickly slashed left, slicing a line across Santa’s arm, drawing blood.

“So, you’re not some fairy tale. You can bleed. Well, if you can bleed, you can die.”

As they turned, the man in red had his back turned to the guests, and there was a sudden flash of bright light directly in Minetti’s eyes. Taking this opportunity, the man in red swung his candy cane, sweeping the knife away, sticking the end into Minetti’s stomach, and then crashing the hook on his head.

Minetti slumped to the floor, out cold.

Turning toward the guests, “I guess I have you to thank for that Mr. Grant? You are the amateur magician here.”

“I beg your pardon, but I’m not an amateur.” Grant walks over and picks up the lump of coal. “Hmm. Blue coal.”

The man in red walks over to the downed Joey Kucinski, “I guess you put a dent in him Mr. Robeson.”

“I guess you could say that. He and his friends deserve no less for interrupting my party this way. And it’s Christmas Eve no less. Well, let’s tie them up and call the police.”

“I have another way to bind them, if you gentlemen don’t mind helping me?”

A few minutes later all three crooks were stuffed into Christmas stockings and hung from a streetlight.

All the guests were collected on the lawn, and watched as ‘Santa Claus’ climbed into the driver’s side of a nearby car and

all heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

 

Next: The conclusion

YOUR YEAR IN PREVIEW CONTINUES WITH CHUCK MILLER FROM BLACK CENTIPEDE PRESS!

Ten years ago, the most ruthless, violent, sociopathic criminal the world has ever seen launched a four-day reign of terror which came close to wiping out human civilization.
She was nine years old.
For the past decade, she has been locked away, the sole inmate of the refurbished Alcatraz Island Federal Prison. She’s decided that’s long enough…

DOCTOR UNKNOWN JUNIOR in “THE RETURN OF LITTLE PRECIOUS” from BCP in 2011.
By Chuck Miller

http://theblackcentipede.blogspot.com/2010/11/perhaps-most-infamous-correctional.html“THE
RETURN OF LITTLE PRECIOUS”
(Preview)

By Chuck Miller
Copyright 2010 Chuck Miller/Black Centipede Press

Free 9-page preview PDF download:
http://www.mediafire.com/?vg0c49fi0xq0ojg

ONE

“Today,” said Dr. Dana Unknown, “is Jessie Von Cosel’s eighteenth birthday.”

“I’m thrilled for her,” I replied absently.  I was busy, as she could
certainly see.

“Jessie Von Cosel,” she repeated.

“Right. Thrilled. To death. I mean it.”

“Jessie VON COSEL,” she said yet again. This time, it was enough to
tear my attention away from my computer monitor.

“Dana!” I snapped. “Is there some point to… Oh. Jessie Von Cosel.”

“Yeah. What are you doing over there? Looking at porno again?”

“Of course not,” I said with a great deal of indignation, as I
swiveled the monitor screen around so she couldn’t see it.

“She’s eighteen?” I said, as though Dana’s vile slander had never been
uttered. “Well. Time flies. She’s been locked up for what? Ten years?”

“More like nine. The trial took a year. Anyhow, this is her birthday.
She is legally an adult. That being the case, they were transporting
her earlier today from Alcatraz to the federal courthouse in San
Francisco
for a hearing.”

“It didn’t go well, did it?”

“How did you know that?”

“Dana, I used to be a superhero. I have had a lot of experience with
super-villains. When has a transfer of a super-villain from a prison
to a courthouse, or anywhere else, ever failed to turn into an escape
on the part of said villain?”

For the past few months, I’ve been working with Doctor Dana Marie
Laveau Unknown, also known as Doctor Unknown Junior. If you’ve heard
anything to the effect that I work FOR her, please disregard it. For
some reason, probably psychological in nature, she likes to spread
that story. Honestly, I think she feels threatened by a man who
asserts himself in the workplace. She sees a strong male as a threat
to her feminity.

Dana is the daughter of Raoul Deveraux Unknown, the original
superhero-sorcerer called Doctor Unknown. What happened to him is a
story in itself, and it’s not mine to tell. Ask Dana about it
sometime. She’ll talk your ear off, and you won’t understand one tenth
of what she tells you.

The bottom line is that Raoul retired, and Dana, who is a Level Twelve
Magus—whatever the hell that is—took over his duties and
responsibilities. Being a Level Twelve Magus must be a huge deal,
judging by the fact that Dana never passes up the opportunity to
remind me that she is one. But she never goes into any detail about
it, citing mysterious mystical oaths and other nebulous security
issues. My own feeling is that she must have had to do something
really nasty to get there, though she of course hotly denies this.

“Well, today it didn’t,” Dana was saying.  “Jessie had a seizure on
the way to the courthouse. She was fine all morning. No history of any
kind of seizures since she’s been incarcerated, or even prior to
that.”

“Hmm,” I said, which summed up my entire take on the situation.

“She had this seizure, or whatever it was, at exactly 9:44 a.m.”

“Which is significant because why?”

She sailed right on past that and asked, “Do you know what I was doing
at exactly 9:44 this morning?”

“Yeah, you were out at that screwball Scudder Moran’s house helping
Vionna and Mary tie up some loose ends, whatever that meant.”

“The loose end I tied up was called the Moriarty Machine. A very nasty
piece of work it was, and it does nothing to improve my opinion of
scientists in general. Anyhow, I don’t need to go into a lot of detail
with you now, because Vionna is writing another one of her reports
about the case, which she intends to send to you to proofread, and I
don’t want to spoil the story for you.”

(NOTE: See “Vionna and the Vampires, BCP 2010:
http://theblackcentipede.blogspot.com/2010/11/vionna-and-vampires-part-one-chapters-1.html
)

“Thanks.” I was actually looking forward to reading it. I was very
proud of my adopted little sister. She’d come a long way since our
reunion a while back.

We all had. Shortly after Vionna had reentered my life, so had the
ghost of Jack the Ripper, or so we thought at the time. It turned out
to be something else, but proved to be every bit as nasty and
potentially lethal as the real Ripper. That whole situation led me to
seek help from Dana, who received serious psychic injuries in the
conflict with the faux Ripper ghost.

It was plain that Dana would need help at that point. She had set for
herself the task of uncovering the origins of the ectoplasmic
imposter, which would have been a daunting task at the best of times,
which this was not. I graciously offered her my expert services,
agreeing to partner with her and bring to the table my vast experience
as a crime fighter and general specialist in weird, nasty, dangerous
crap of all kinds.

She and I have had two major adventures together since then. One of
them answered a couple of questions about the faux Ripper, but not the
most important ones. The other was a harrowing encounter with
something called the Scholomance. I can’t promise I’ll ever be able to
bring myself to write about that one. Suffice it to say that it ended
with Dana regaining most of her lost magical abilities.

Even though Dana is back to peak efficiency, she has left our
partnership intact. This is obviously because she has realized that
there is simply nobody better than me to have at one’s side in the
face of danger. She might try to give you some crap about her feeling
sorry for me because I don’t have anything constructive to do, and am
pretty much unemployable. As I say, I think she has psychological
issues.

“Well,” she was saying, “the Moriarty Machine was a scary dangerous
piece of merchandise. It did something that nobody would ever have a
legitimate need to do, and it had a self-contained power source of a
completely unknown nature. It seemed to me that the best way to
dispose of it was to drop it into an empty space in between a couple
of very remote fractal dimensions, so that’s what I did.”

“Very good,” I said. “I’ve always told people that if you need
something dropped into an empty space in between a couple of very
remote fractal dimensions, then Dana Unknown is your man.”

“Shut up, Jack. I’m trying to convey some information to you. I
dropped the thing into that empty space at EXACTLY 9:44 a.m.”

“Ah,” I said. Another thing I had learned as a superhero was that
there was no such thing as coincidence, particularly when it involved
a super-villain and a piece of lethal hardware, no matter how little
connection there appeared to be between the two.

“Yeah. There’s a connection. I can’t imagine right now what it is, or
whether or not it’s of any significance. But, as your pal the Black
Centipede says, there just ain’t that much coincidence out there.”

I had just barely been aware of the whole Little Precious crisis ten
years ago. That was two years after Johnny died and I left Zenith in
something of a state.

“Little Precious,” Dana said, “is a binary consciousness, half organic
and half cybernetic. The two components cannot be separated, so for
every practical purpose, it is a single mind that occupies two bodies
at the same time.

“One of the bodies is that of Jessie Van Cosel. That’s the one that’s
been locked up in Alcatraz for ten years. They never found the robot.”

“I know all that,” I said. “Everybody knows all that. It’s history.
Everybody remembers where they were and what they were doing when they
first heard about it. Except me, of course. That was two years after I
left Zenith. I’m not entirely sure where I was at the time, but
wherever it was, I was drunk.”

“You missed a real show,” she said. “This was after Captain Mercury
died and Tomorrow-Man and Commander Power vanished. Everybody who was
still active was in on it. Dad was there, and the Red Dagger… They
even issued a time-limited amnesty to the Black Centipede.”

“I was sort of aware of the whole thing,” I said, “because of the fact
that it was the ONLY thing on the news for four days. I remember
discussing it with some people in a bar. I’m pretty sure it was in the
United States. My drinking buddies thought it was the end of the
world, which sounded pretty good to me, as I recall. We were watching
the coverage. I remember seeing both of those skyscrapers in Zenith
explode. Then there was the footage from Mexico City, after the swarm
of exploding ladybugs blew through—super-miniaturized nuclear
warheads. Jesus! Even Professor Ubik would have stopped short of
that.”

In all, there had been 14 major incidents worldwide during the
four-day reign of terror of Little Precious. A time-displacement wave
in Beijing that left the city knee-deep in medieval plague victims.
The DNA Scrambler Bomb that wrought genetic havoc in Egypt. The city
of Rio De Janeiro teleported to the surface of the moon. The President
of the United States
forced to commit an act of inspired perversion on
live television with a creature nature did not design with such antics
in mind.

There are conflicting accounts of the final confrontation between
Little Precious and a veritable army of superheroes and super-villains
(none of whom wanted the world whose wealth they coveted destroyed by
this creature), the military and more than 150 different law
enforcement agencies from around the world.

The battle raged for almost 24 hours, starting just outside Zenith and
ending in the center of the mysterious Area 51. Thousands were killed,
combatants and bystanders alike. When the dust settled, Jessie Von
Cosel was comatose and in chains.

The robot whose mind and body were the other half of the Little
Precious persona was nowhere to be found. No fewer than 40 combatants
claimed to have personally destroyed the thing. None of the claims
were ever confirmed, of course. In the decade since Jessie’s arrest,
the robot has been “spotted” at various unlikely locations around the
world more often than Elvis Presley.

The fact was, nobody knew. Those who wanted to be able to sleep at
night chose to believe it had been destroyed. Those who knew how the
world really worked kept their fingers crossed for years.

Jessie came out of her coma in time to star in the most celebrated
show trial in history. The Trial of the Millennium, it was called. The
hyperbole was not exaggerated. Jessie was tried as an adult, in spite
of her age, and the fact that her speech and behavior showed
unmistakable signs of a form of autism with occasional forays into
schizophrenia. But because of everything she had done, the world
demanded she be brought before the bar of justice, her tender years
and unstable condition notwithstanding.

Since she had been captured on US soil, and was an American citizen,
she was tried at the United Nations building in New York City before a
multi-national tribunal of judges assembled at the Court of
International Justice in the Hague.

The only concession made to mercy was when the prosecution announced
that they would not seek the death penalty. There were protests, of
course, but they weren’t very persistent. I think everybody would have
felt crapty about executing a nine-year-old girl, no matter what she
had done.

Following a trial that lasted just over a year, Jessie was sentenced
to a total of seven thousand years in prison on multiple counts of
murder, assault, theft, kidnapping, mayhem, terrorism and assorted
other crimes, ranging from simple felonies to treason, attempted
genocide, sedition and crimes against humanity.

The newly-refurbished prison on Alcatraz Island would be her home for
the rest of her life.

She was taken to Alcatraz to begin serving her sentence two weeks
after her ninth birthday.

She has not aged a day since. Physically, at least, she remains a
nine-year-old girl. Nobody knows why.

Another mystery.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

PART TWO OF THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!

PART TWO OF THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS!


 

Not far uptown, on River Street between several closed shops, a bar named Maxie’s lit the street with its blinking neon lights in the window and a large garish neon sign up the front of the building.

Inside the clink of glasses and the sounds of a piano playing ragtime. The air in the bar was full of tobacco smoke and the smell of stale beer. The floor was covered with sawdust.

And Santa walked in.

“Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas,” as he walked over to the bar.

Tending the bar was ‘Big Mike’ O’Shea. Fairly tall with a red handlebar mustache covering most of his face below his large nose. He was wearing a red shirt and green pants with green suspenders. His arms were bigger than most men’s thighs and his chest looked like it was made of flat rocks.

“Well, hello there Santa,“ O’Shea says in an Irish brogue. “And what might I be doing for you now?”Well, hello there Santa,“ O’Shea says in an Irish brogue. “And what might I be doing for you now?”

“Well Michael McShamy, how about a glass of milk?”Well Michael McShamy, how about a glass of milk?”

O’Shea’s face turned red when he got his Irish up, and it was turning red now, “how do call me that? Only my maw called me that and … ““how do call me that? Only my maw called me that and … “

“Your mother called you that when you’d just done something naughty, Michael. And she called you that quite frequently, didn’t she?”Your mother called you that when you’d just done something naughty, Michael. And she called you that quite frequently, didn’t she?”

“How do you know what she called me?,“ and ‘Big Mike’ reached across the bar to grab Santa’s collar, but found his hand stopped cold and locked in a grip of iron, while Santa stood there as if playing with a baby.

In a whisper, “I see you when you’re sleeping and I see you when you’re awake. I know when you’ve been bad or good. Now tell me, Michael, has Tony Minetti been here tonight?”How do you know what she called me?,“ and ‘Big Mike’ reached across the bar to grab Santa’s collar, but found his hand stopped cold and locked in a grip of iron, while Santa stood there as if playing with a baby.

O’Shea’s face now turned white. Looking around the bar to see if anyone had heard.

In a soft voice, “Minetti? I don’t know who you’re talking about.”“Minetti? I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“Michael McShamy, you can’t lie to me. Now, why don’t you tell me what I want to know before I tell everyone in this bar some of the things you’ve been up to? Like talking to the police about the bank job last week and how everyone from that caper got caught. From the police perspective that was a nice thing. From the perspective of the people here, they might consider it naughty.”Michael McShamy, you can’t lie to me. Now, why don’t you tell me what I want to know before I tell everyone in this bar some of the things you’ve been up to? Like talking to the police about the bank job last week and how everyone from that caper got caught. From the police perspective that was a nice thing. From the perspective of the people here, they might consider it naughty.”

If it was possible, Big Mike’s face turned even whiter, “How do you know … OK OK.” Looking around again, Big Mike move closer to Santa, “he was here earlier today. He was meeting with Joey Kucinski and Al Browning. They was in the last booth over there. They left about 3 hours ago. That’s all I know.”“How do you know … OK OK.” Looking around again, Big Mike move closer to Santa, “he was here earlier today. He was meeting with Joey Kucinski and Al Browning. They was in the last booth over there. They left about 3 hours ago. That’s all I know.”

“OK Michael. Who was serving them? Was anyone else here when they were?”OK Michael. Who was serving them? Was anyone else here when they were?”

“Moira was serving them. She’s still here, serving a party in the back room. Alphie Jenkins was here then, and he’s still here somewhere.”Moira was serving them. She’s still here, serving a party in the back room. Alphie Jenkins was here then, and he’s still here somewhere.”

“Thank you Michael. Now that’s being nice. Here, have a candy cane. Merry Christmas!”Thank you Michael. Now that’s being nice. Here, have a candy cane. Merry Christmas!”

The man dressed in red takes a swallow of his milk, and holding the glass, walks toward the back room.

Entering the room he sees several men around a table drinking and eating. The only woman in the room was Moira O’Shawnesy, busty, pretty, in her mid-20s, with long red hair, holding a serving tray, placing large pitchers of beer on the table and taking the empty ones.

“Hey, what are you doin’? This is a private party pal!”

The Night Before Christmas
by
Mark S. Halegua
Part 2

“Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas to you all. Sorry to interrupt, I just want to speak to Moira for a moment.

Moira walks over, “how can I help you … Santa?”“how can I help you … Santa?”

Santa pulls her over to a corner and whispers to her, “well, Moira, I understand you were serving three men earlier today. One of them was Tony Minetti. Did you get close enough to hear what they were saying?”

“I I I don’t know what you mean,” she stuttered. Then she looks at the man with the white beard, and slyly says, “besides. If you’re really Santa Claus, shouldn’t you know what they said?”I I I don’t know what you mean,” she stuttered. Then she looks at the man with the white beard, and slyly says, “besides. If you’re really Santa Claus, shouldn’t you know what they said?”

“Well Moira, it’s Christmas Eve and I’ve been busy tonight. I haven’t had time to keep tabs on who’s been naughty and who’s been nice this evening. So, I need some help from others. I know you’ve been a good girl this year, and I think you’d like to help me keep tabs on Tony. I know how he hurt your brother, and how you’re taking care of him. It’s why you’re working here on Christmas Eve instead of being with him and your year old baby. Here’s something that can help.”

He places a couple of greenbacks in her hand.

“How did you know about that? No one knows…”

“Will you help me Moira?”

Whispering, “I can’t tell you much, but, yes, Minetti was here. They shut up every time I went over to their table. But, I did see Alphie Jenkins sitting close by and it looked like he was listening to what they were saying.”

“Thank you Moira.”

Turning around, “Ho ho ho. Again Merry Christmas to you,” and placing his glass of milk on Moira’s tray, walks out.”

One of the men at the table turns to Moira and asks, “Hey, Moira, what’d he want?”

Moira gave him a crooked grin, “He was complaining the milk was sour. What does he expect in a bar, straight from the cow?”

“Haw haw haw, complaining about the milk at Maxie’s, haw haw haw.”

Outside in the hall the man in red looks around for Alphie Jenkins.

Alphie Jenkins, short and thin was at a corner table by himself, nursing a beer, looking jittery and nervous. When he saw Santa looking at him his eyes opened round and large and he starts to look around the room in frenzied jerks as if hoping for someone to come and save him from … Santa Claus.… Santa Claus.

“Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas to you all. I leave now to finish my deliveries,” and walks out the front door.

Alphie calms down, but leaves the table and walks to the hall at the back of the bar. Looking around to see if anyone is watching him, he aims himself toward the back door and exits the bar into the back alley.

“Well, Merry Christmas to you Alphie. Or is it Alfred?”

Surprised, Alphie literally jumps in the air with a high-pitched “yeep.” Turning around he sees the Santa who had just left the bar by the front door.

“Well, uh, that is, uh, merry Christmas to you too, uh, Santa.”

“Alfred, that is, you don’t mind me calling you Alfred, do you? Or would you prefer Alfredo?”

“How do you know, I mean, that is, Alphie if you don’t mind.”

“Very well, Alphie. Well, Alphie, I’ve been busy today, as I’m sure you might expect, and well, I’m actually running a little late on my deliveries. And there’s one particular person I have to visit to leave a lump of coal for. Do you think you could help me find that person, Alphie? It might help take you off the naughty list this year. And maybe next.”

“I’m on the naughty list? Wh wh why would I be there?”

“There is that little thing about the money you, um, borrowed from your church cashbox two months ago. And there are those wallets you removed from several people yesterday and there’s that matter of …”

“OK OK Santa. I, that is, I uh. Who do you, uh, who do you need to find?”

“Tony Minetti. He’s been a very bad boy this year.”

“T T T Tony Mi Mi Minetti! Well, see, uh, Santa, I can’t say I know where he is, that is, I mean, I, uh, don’t know, uh, who that is and uh-“

“Now now Alphie. We both know Tony was in the bar this afternoon and you were here too, and you were listening to his conversation with Joey and Al. So, I’m sure you can tell me what you heard. Of course, I’m also sure there’s one person in the bar right now who’d like to know where his wallet is, don’t you?”

Alphie’s face turned whiter than the snow on the ground, his mouth dropped open enough to swallow a reindeer.

He gulped and said, “I, uh, well, now that you remind me, I think I did see Tony and Joey and Al here. They were talking about, well, uh, doing some work, uh, tonight. Said it was a big job, and, uh, it was gonna happen at about 11.”

“And did you happen to hear where that might be, Alphie?”

“Well, that is, uh, I think they said some rich guy. I think the name was Robeson.”

“Would that be Ken Robeson, the writer.”

“I think so. He might have said the guy was hosting a party with some other swells. I, uh, think he mentioned some guy named Grant and maybe Tuttle. Tony was gettin’ suspicious o’ me maybe listening and I had to move to another table.”

“Thank you Alphie. You’ve been very helpful. No coal in your stocking this year.”

“You think I could get a present maybe this year Santa.?”

The man in red turned and gave a stern look, “don’t push it Alphie.”

“Uh, no, of course not. Thank you Santa.”

ComicMMXI: ComicMix Predicts 2011

ComicMMXI: ComicMix Predicts 2011

Now that we’ve taken a look back at the year – and boy oh boy, was that an interesting year – we can now look over the rainbow at what’s coming down the pike. Intelligent theories meet best guesses with a dash of wild-eyed visions; crystal ball, there’s so many things I gotta know… what’s coming in the New Year?

We’ve seen what the growth figures have been like for electronic reading, and now we can say there is no sign of slowing down. An estimated 70 different types of e-readers are expected to be on display at the Consumer Electronics Show later this month, and rumors have it that Apple is looking to purchase 65 million screens for iPads in the coming year, where book reading platforms are in the top 5 and two comics reading apps are in the top 20.

With the departure of Paul Levitz, Karen Berger is now the longest serving editorial employee at DC. But she’s on the other end of the country from where the action seems to be moving, and her sales figures haven’t been super-inspiring. Yes, Sandman moves lots of trade paperbacks a year– but what has she done for them lately? How many Big Events can they shove into the ever-narrowing pipeline? What if Green Lantern bombs? How do these new kids on the block respond? More THUNDER Agents? We will be told Wonder Woman is being given a bold new direction by a
new writer. This time the jacket will have fringe on it. The
DCU will get a few steps closer to being right back in the silver age.
Kyle Rayner and Wally West should buy some plots next to Ryan Choi any
day now.

How many Thor miniseries came out last year, in preparation for trade collection in time for the movie release? How about Captain America minis? Will the Spider-Man musical take flight – or will somebody get killed? Spider-Man himself will not die. Marvel’s Fear Itself will tie into Phobos being angry that daddy Ares was killed during Siege. The Avengers line-up will change and a new Avengers title will rise. Then, towards the end of 2011, we’ll have more Avengers mini-series than Richie Rich has tax shelters.

And then there’s the sword of Damocles hanging over the entire print industry. Steve Geppi’s financial problems are still touchy, not noticed as much because everybody’s had a softer year than most. Right now, we get the impression that Diamond’s treading water and has been able to refinance any cash flow problems, but shutting down their West Coast warehouse has to worry some folks about their future viability. But the real problem is with the Borders Book Chain: they closed the year not paying its creditors and returning tons of warehoused product. Sadly, Barnes and Noble and Books-A-Million aren’t doing all that much better.

The Green Lantern movie will be better than Spider-Man Turn On The Dark… we think. The Green Hornet movie will not. Please, please, please prove us wrong.

Beware the FINAL PICKLE. It’s coming.

Dr. Mid-Nite, Dr. Doom, Dr. Who, and Dr. Strange will start a competing talk show to take on the syndicated The Doctors. The show will however fail when Dr. Doom’s “Top Ten Super Health Tips for 2011” begin with SUCCUMB TO DOOM’S WILL!

The JLA line-up will change and spin-off into a new title, and no one will buy that book either. DC will quickly reconsider their no-crossover policy to jump on the Avengers bandwagon. Marvel will laugh.

Reed Dies. Sue Dies. Johnny Dies. Ben Dies. Franklin Dies. …. H.E.R.B.I.E. Dies. His parts will be distributed at random in the “final” bagged edition of Fantastic Four.

With the entire Disney Animated Universe being milked dry by BOOM! (and, increasingly Disney-owned Marvel),
look out for Avatar’s cleaning of the wonderful world of DiC.

Odin will return from the dead in a very angry state of mind. And a new pair of glasses.

Stan Lee’s characters for BOOM! will be forgotten by the summer, but don’t worry… Striperella will hit the shelves in the fall. And get ready to forget Stan’s new Archie titles!

The Walking Dead series will end with a unique twist: It was all a dream. Then Tom Welling shows up.

Marvel’s relaunching of the CrossGen Line will prove once and for all there was a good reason CrossGen went out of business.

Robert Kirkman will release only 17 new IP’s for Image.

And the surprise of the year: that Aunt May is going to outlive Miss Grundy.

How about you? What does your magic 8-ball reveal?

(Marc Alan Fishman, Mike Gold, Glenn Hauman, and Alan Kistler contributed to this piece.)

A HOLIDAY TALE TO CLOSE OUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON IN FOUR PARTS-FROM MARK HALEGUA

A HOLIDAY TALE TO CLOSE OUT THE HOLIDAY SEASON IN FOUR PARTS-FROM MARK HALEGUA

The Night Before Christmas

by Mark S. Halegua

Part 1

 Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house –

One creature was stirring. It was a louse.

An apartment in an apartment building. A railroad flat, and it was the front room. This apartment building was unusual as all the apartments had fireplaces. The fireplace in this one was dark and the flu wouldn’t completely close, so the room was colder than the others. The doors to the hall and the next room were closed to keep the cold in it.

A couch on the left wall, the fabric threadbare, between two round topped side tables, scratched and dull, each with an old lamp. Across the room from the couch the front wall with two large windows looking out onto the street, street lamps barely keeping away the dark, and the sidewalks covered with a thin layer of snow, a brisk wind blowing wisps of snow around.

Looking around the room, faded wall paper. A tree in one corner on the side of the room away from the fireplace, festooned with tinsel, strings of popcorn, and colored buttons. At the top an angel, old and cracked. Under the tree a few boxes, wrapped with newspaper and tied with string.

On the fireplace mantel five stockings, different colors with a narrow strip of white faux fur at their top. Each stocking holding a solitary candy cane and a small wrapped chocolate. To the side of the fireplace a table stood with a glass half full of milk and a plate with two cookies.

A man quietly moved towards the mantel, removing the candy from the stockings and placing them in a sack in his hand. Dressed in a watch cap, brown leather jacket, dark pants and work boots, he silently moved towards the tree and starts to pick up one box and place it in the sack …

“Ho ho ho,” he hears. “I think I see a naughty boy here. Taking the presents and the candy from this poor family I see.”
The man in the watch cap turns towards the voice, standing by the chimney, light from the street lamps dimly coming in the windows and showing a man with a white beard and mustache, dressed in a red suit and fur lined tassled cap, black boots and wide black belt.

“Who are youse old man? What are youse doing here?”

“What am I doing here? The better question would be what are you doing here? But, I already know that, just as I’ve had you on my naughty list for many years, Caine Marko.”

“How do you know who I am? And, who do you think you’re fooling dressed like that? You tryin’ to make me think youse is Santa Claus?”

“I know everyone who is naughty and nice. Now put those presents and candy back and leave here. Now.”

“And, if I don’t? What you gonna do, sic Rudolph on me?”

A sigh escapes the lips of the man in red, “I was truly hoping for once you could do a nice thing. No Caine, I won’t call Rudolph in on you. But, do you remember what naughty boys get in their stockings for Christmas?”

“Uh, I uh think … oh, yeah, Santa puts coal in my stocking. Ha, is that what youse is gonna give me, a lump of coal? Huh, ‘Santa’.”

“In a manner of speaking Caine, yes,” And the man in red whips his hand forward and Caine Marko is struck on the forehead by a hard lump of coal.

Groaning, Marko falls to the floor. The man in red takes the sack and replaces the presents under the tree and the candy in the stockings.

He walks over to the small table and takes one cookie and eats it, then taking a swallow of the milk. He walks over to the dazed Marko, swings him over his shoulder, opens a window, and climbs down the fire escape to the street below. Marko is placed on the ground and when he wakes up he realizes he can’t move his arms. Looking down he sees he is inside a giant red Christmas stocking.

“Hey, youse can’t keep me tied up like this. Let me out!”

“Ho ho ho. I think this is the perfect place for you. Now, why don’t you tell me who you’re working for? Is it for Tony Minetti? He’s another on my naughty list.”

“I ain’t working for anybody. I work for myself. I ain’t tellin’ youse nuttin.”

“So, you aren’t working for Minetti, but you’re too stupid to be doing this on your own. You aren’t bright enough to think about this yourself. And, you don’t work alone. Who’s helping you on this Caine? Are Joey Kuzincski and Al Browning in on this with you?”

Struggling inside the giant stocking, Kaine answered, “I don’t know what youse is talkin’ about. Let me outta this ting!”

“I believe you do know, Caine. So, what say you tell Santa?”

“I don’t know nuttin. Youse are crazy.”

“Hmmm. I know, it’s Christmas Eve and you haven’t had your candy cane. Here you are.”

The white bearded man in the red suit sticks a candy cane in Marko Caine’s mouth.

“I don’t want no cand … mfff.”I don’t want no cand … mfff.”

“You’ll like this one. It has a … special flavor.”

Caine tries to spit the candy out, but a red glove covers his mouth. After a couple of minutes, the crook’s head is lolling around.

“Now, Caine, where’d you get the idea to steal these family’s presents on Christmas Eve?”

“In … bar. Hoid some guys at the booth behind me … hoid them talk ’bout a caper tonight, takin’ presents from some … rich family … and maybe more. Hoid one of … ’em call anudder … Tony. Dats all. Figgered I could do same … around here.”

“Ah, I see. And what bar were you in, Marko?”

“M, M, Maxie’s. On … River.”

“I know of the place. Full of nothing but naughty boys and girls. They’re all on my naughty list. What say you go to sleep Caine.”

“What ya … mean sleep …,” and the last thing he saw was a giant candy cane swung at his head.”

“Huh, Caine was caned.”

A window sash opened from one of the apartments and a man looks out on the street, awakened by some noises he heard. He looks around and spots a huge red Christmas stocking, hung with care from one of the streetlights, stuffed with what looked like a man.

“What the …”What the …”

From down the street he hears, “on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen, dash away dash away all we have naughty boys to talk to before the night is last call.”

To Be Continued

ALL PULP RINGS IN 2011 WITH THE YEAR IN PREVIEW!!!

ALL PULP RINGS IN 2011 WITH THE YEAR IN PREVIEW!!!

FROM TOM JOHNSON-
EXCITING PULP TALES by Tom Johnson: Being proofed now, and coming soon from Altus Press. This sequel to 2010’s PULP DETECTIVES contains ten exciting pulp tales with the feel of the original writers of the 1930s and ‘40s. Many of the original characters return for the first time. The Angel returns in “A Devil of A Case”; The Green Ghost returns in “The Case of The Blind Soldier”; The Cobra returns in “Curse of The Viper”; The Crimson Mask returns in “The Mask of Anubis”; Gentle Jones in “Nazis Over Washington”; The Purple Scar in “The Skull Killer”; Funny Face in “The Star of Africa”; and Alias Mr. Death in “Coffins of Death”. Next is a new jungle girl adventure, featuring the Jungle Queen in “Jungle Terror”, and Ki-Gor returns in a 30,000 word story, titled “Lost Valley of Ja Far”, which was previously written as a 15,000 word story for another publication. This volume comes in just under 400 pages. If you want your pulps original, these stories will fill the bill.

FROM WILLIAM PATRICK MAYNARD-

THE DESTINY OF FU MANCHU is pencilled in for December 2011 publication by Black Coat Press.
 
Michael Knox is the brash and arrogant assistant of renowned archaeologist Dr. Spiridon Simos. A chance encounter with a beautiful Egyptian woman at Dr. Simos’ wedding in Corfu leads the young man on a whirlwind journey to Cairo where he barely survives the terrifying reincarnation of the ancient Pharaoh Khunum-Khufu. 
 
A chain of events quickly unfold that embroils Knox with obsessive British agent, Sir Denis Nayland Smith and his pursuit of the master criminal, Dr. Fu Manchu. Slowly, the young man begins to piece together the threat posed to the world as Fu Manchu and his seductive, but sadistic daughter Koreani tear the dread secret society, the Si-Fan apart.
 
Before Michael Knox can act on the intelligence in his possession, he must first survive death in a myriad of strange guises from a savage gorilla trained to crush a man’s spine to the unrelenting pursuit of Margarita, the disarming dwarf assassin who brings terror to the Orient Express to one thousand poisonous butterflies unleashed at the Munich Conference as Europe teeters on the brink of a Second World War.
 
As madness sweeps the globe, one hedonistic young man must examine his own life as he realizes the world’s future hangs in the balance. The action moves swiftly from Greece to Egypt to Africa to Europe in a breathtaking battle of ideologies as Sax Rohmer‘s infamous creation seeks to realize THE DESTINY OF FU MANCHU.
 
FROM BARRY REESE-
The Damned Thing, my occult noir novel set in 1939 Atlanta, comes out from WCB, as does The Rook V6.

I’ll be at Pulp Ark

I’m gonna be a part of The Ninth Circle project.

I’m writing a Crimson Mask story for Airship 27.

Working on Turn the Page with Tommy Hancock.

Lazarus Gray V 1 from Pro Se.

MORE YEAR IN PREVIEW  COMING LATER TODAY FROM ALL PULP!