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Martha Thomases: TV Jones

Martha Thomases: TV Jones

Last Friday, in eight major television markets, CBS stations disappeared from televisions served by Time-Warner Cable. In addition, stations owned by CBS, including Showtime and the Smithsomian Channel, are also off the air.

Except there isn’t any air. And that’s part of the problem.

When television first became a business, the various stations broadcast over airwaves owned by the people and licensed by the government. Having a broadcast license was like a license to print money, and, in exchange, the owners of the license were expected to do things “in the public interest,” like news programs and public service announcements.

Because of, you know, capitalism, people learned how to make money from these forms of public service. News divisions must now be profitable. Public service ads are often underwritten by for-profit corporations, which use them as occasions to build their brands.

In other words, CBS (and the other networks) became corporate powers in no small part because our tax dollars allowed them to reach a mass market.

And then, cable.

Now, cable also depends on an infrastructure that owes its existence to public investment. Phone lines, the Internet – all came about because the government supported them. It is therefore not unreasonable to expect cable (and fiber optic and satellite) companies to do things in the public interest.

One of those things, mandated by local-carry laws, has been to carry local stations, including those affiliated with broadcast networks. In New York, that means the five major networks (ABC, CBS, the CW, Fox and NBC) as well as Channel 9, which is owned by Fox but doesn’t broadcast network programming, but does have a lot of baseball.

Several years ago, Congress, in its wisdom, decided that these poor network affiliates were being discriminated against by the nasty cable (and satellite etc.) companies. Cable stations get a fee for every subscriber, while the broadcast channels do not. Therefore, Congress allowed the broadcast channels to get a fee for every subscriber as well.

Which brings us to our current situation. In New York, CBS wants to raise its fee from $1.00 per subscriber to $2.00. Time Warner doesn’t want to pay that much. The previous contract expired in June, and, until now, Time Warner allowed CBS to continue to use its system to reach customers. However, with football season on the way, and new fall shows about to debut. They wanted to get the matter settled.

Which they are doing, in a manner that pleases no one.

If I lived anywhere else, I might consider switching providers. However, in Manhattan, satellite is not a reliable choice (skyscrapers get in the way), and not every building is wired for other cable providers. I don’t claim Time Warner is the best, but I’m generally happy with it.

I don’t get Showtime, and I don’t watch a lot of CBS. I like the first half-hour of their morning show (because they sometimes have actual news on it). I like Scott Pelley for my news anchor, but not so much that I can’t watch Brian Williams. I like Elementary, but it’s in reruns. Under the Dome is great, but I can see it on Amazon (although not until Friday and the folks at CBS are being such dicks that I can’t see it online because cable is how I get my Internet). None of this is so disturbing that I need to take extraordinary measures to survive this inconvenience. In other words, I’m not getting an antenna.

Would I pay an extra dollar a month? Maybe. However, if I’m going to have to pony up for CBS, I want to be able to decide what other stations I get – or, more important, don’t get. Of the Viacom stations (corporate cousins of CBS), I don’t need MTV or VH1, but must must must have Comedy Central, and sometimes Logo. I bet my choices would cost them more than they’d get for me to see The Late Show with David Letterman the few times I’m awake that late.

And I would really love the opportunity to get Fox News off my signal in any way, shape and form.

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

 

Martin Pasko: U-Moved! U-Phoric? U-Betcha!

Martin Pasko: U-Moved! U-Phoric? U-Betcha!

Pasko Art 130808If you’ve got The Amazing Colossal Comic Book Collection whose unfettered gigantism is dust-collecting you out of house and home, you may need to find a bigger but cheaper house and home … in which case you might need what is known as a Low-Cost Move. Which brings me to this week’s excursion into the realm of Don’t Let This Happen To You.

As I write this, I’m sitting in my lovely new home in California, to which I moved right after attending the San Diego Comic-Con, and am comfortably and serenely keyboarding as usual.

Back from that link? Sorry.

It wasn’t really my intention to begin with a headlong plunge into The Do You Know Long It’ll Take Me To Get That Image Outta My Head? Zone. I only mention it because the only clothes I have right now are what I packed for San Diego, and I launder them daily. That’s because, almost two weeks later, I’m still waiting for everything I have in this world to arrive in a conveyance that is over 10 days late, courtesy of a lovely little company I’ve come to call “U-Hell.” 

But I’m serene, I tell you, serene, because U-Hell now promises me that tomorrow they’ll finally deliver the plywood 8′ x 7′ x 5; contraption we will call “the U-Pod.”

A “U-move” is theoretically simple: U-pack your stuff in this container and They-Haul it to Ur-Destination, where U-Unload it Ur-self, then call to have Them-Pick-Up the empty pod.

But I’m serene, I tell you, serene only with the help of the margaritas I’ve blended every night since shipping the U-Pod from my former home in Pennsyltucky, the Wolf Trap State, so named because after sic months there you’re willing to chew off your own foot to escape. And I’m so drunkenly, sleep-deprivedly serene that I actually believe a promise from U-Hell.

This, despite the fact that everything They’ve-Told me so far about what They’d-Do for me has been either: (a) a “communications error;” (b) something that someone else told me the previous person had no authority to promise me in the first place; or (c) information contained in an automated “U-Mail” that didn’t accurately reflect my origin point or destination; was sent from an email address I couldn’t replay to; and notified of charges to my credit card for products and services I didn’t order.

Today, U-Hell helpfully informed me (“Do not reply to this U-mail; it will not be We-Read”) that in transit, my possessions have been heard to be … uhm, “shifting.” I tried to call to express undying I-Thanks for their U-Mail inquiring whether I was transporting ping-pong balls or unlidded crates of grapefruit, because I’d begun sleeping regularly and was falling behind on my panic attacks. But all I got was “Please stay on the line; a U-Call is important to us…”

So, luckily, I won’t be sleeping through my alarm and will be wide awake to begin the all-important process of determining how many irreplaceable pieces of priceless memorabilia from my award-winning career have been ricocheting around my U-Pod, thanks to the U-Truck’s “U-Patented ‘Air Glide!’ U-Suspension U-SystemTM.”  Thank God I didn’t get a wink of sleep breathlessly anticipating how much expensive computer hardware I’ll be replacing by spending all that big money ComicMix pays me.

But I’m laughing, I tell you, laughing at life … to the point of margaritas spewing out of my nose and onto the keyboard borrowed from one of my new housemates, which is now shorted out and won’t be available to replace the one that’s colliding with all those boxes of priceless and irreplaceable memorabilia. But that’s okay, because I think it’ll be bent just enough to look really good glued to the top of my Emmy®, right where that globe made of all those slender, fragile strands of gold used to be. Besides, what’s an Emmy® when you have an Inkpot Award, the sharp edges of which have been useful in responding to my irresistible impulse for self-mutilation, by making sure that the Wolverine claw stab-wounds never completely heal?

So, by this time tomorrow, I’ll be serenely, I tell you, serenely ignoring the U-Mail I can reply to: the one asking me to “Rate Your U-Hell Experience!” This customer-satisfaction questionnaire helpfully compensates for my obvious inability to express myself, by supplying multiple-choice answers to its questions. These range all the way from “Thrilled Beyond Even My Unrealistic Expectations” to “Even Better Than The Promotions On The U-Site When The Server Wasn’t Crashing,” helpfully enabling me to resist the temptation to type in “U-Suck.”

By the time U-read this column, the U-Pod will have arrived. But please don’t ask me how my Amazing Colossal Comic Book Collection fared, because I didn’t have a collection to entrust to U-Hell in the first place. That was lost by Wall-Eyed Van Lines, which moved me last year from New Jersey to the My-Hell of Pennsyltucky.

Now where the fuck is the lid to that blender…?

FRIDAY: Martha Thomases Can’t See TeeVee

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman – Scooby and the Geriatric Comics

 

Dennis O’Neil: Storytelling and Inconsequential Trivialities

O'Neil Art 130808Well, I see that 2 Guns was the weekend box office champ, followed by Wolverine, though the latter has underperformed according to some estimates though we shouldn’t worry because it will almost certainly make a profit when the final reckoning is in and… I didn’t have to go far to learn these facts, and many, many more like them – some of them are in the Monday business section of the New York Times, which is where they belong, and the rest were right in front of me, on the computer screen that is at this moment right in front of me. Lots of inside show biz stuff on the web and maybe that’s not so good.

Stripped of all distracting fiduciary ornamentation, movies and comics and novels and TV shows are about telling stories On the pre-verbal level they’re how infant human beings begin to understand cause and effect, understand how all that color and sound beyond the crib and those warm and comforting holding-things add up to an intelligible world. They assure us and they comfort us: See – it does make sense, you can understand it. As an individual’s biography begins to mimic that of the race, stories morph into other things, some of which do new versions of what the pre-verbal narratives did when the storyteller was just the sweetest little angel! some of which just provide a pretty good evening at the multiplex. They distract us, they entertain us, they provide temporary but welcome respite from current woes.

The business stuff… Not so much. Business these days is about competition and accumulation of wealth – call that greed and I won’t object – and back in the days of our tribal ancestors it was about brute survival. Be tough and ruthless and uglier than the man in the next cave or your genes won’t make it to the next generation.

Evolution obviously selected for both storytelling and acquisitiveness, and so here we are with our share of both. But – I doubt that evolution intended for us to conflate them, They serve separate functions and what I fear is that all that financial information and insider gossip about whose salary is bigger than whose and what kind of contract a given luminary has wangled and other items that I suggest do not even rise to the level of trivia is distracting us from the story! It’s like being backstage at a magic show: if you can see how the tricks are done, they’re not magic anymore.

The other danger is that we’ll become so mired in what are no more than inconsequential trivialities that we’ll bury what should be our real concerns – all those bothersome tidings about war and famine and terrorism and corruption that are no fun at all, but pretty easy to understand. They are, in ironic fact, often part of the stories we enjoy as a way to stop thinking about them.

THURSDAY AFTERNOON: Martin Pasko’s Moving Experience

FRIDAY MORNING: Martha Thomases – Can’t See TV

 

Salmon Reviews First Fringe Novel!

OUT ON THE FRINGE
A Review of Christa Faust’s THE ZODIAC PARADOX
byAndrew Salmon
 
If you’re a Fringe fan like me, you’re probably feeling some withdrawal by now. So having the chance to dive into THE ZODIAC PARADOX by tie-in queen Christa Faust was welcome relief. But does the novel deliver? Read on.
 
 
The first thing readers should know is that the novel is a prequel with a capital P. It begins in 1968 and moves ahead into the 1970s so if you’re expecting Olivia and Peter to appear, then you’ll have to wait for the next two books inthe series. What you do get in the pages of THE ZODIAC PARADOX are healthy doses of Walter Bishop, William Bell and a smattering of Nina Sharp for some seasoning.
 
The novel kicks off with Walter and Bell performing their LSD experiments (which will ultimately culminate with the invention of Cortexiphan in the TV show) that result in their temporarily opening up a portal between universes. If you don’t know what any of the above means, then stop reading and get yourself some Fringe boxsets as you’ve got a lot of catching up to do. Still with  me? Okay. Now through this portal, a serial killer flees the police in the alternate universe and enters ours and immediately takes up here where he left off over there. This killer will come to be known as the Zodiac Killer. When Zodiac killings begin to resemble Walter’s and Bell’s remembered visions when the portal opened, they realize that they are responsible for unleashing this monster and must do something about it.
 
What follows is an engaging read that will satisfy Fringe fans and should please newcomers to the Fringe world. Faust can write and, although her other work tends to be gritty, intense and sexual, she knows how to rein that in for her tie-in work. If you’ve read her award-winning version of Snakes on a Plane (the best tie-in novel I’ve ever read), you know what I’m talking about.
 
Her characterizations are accurate and you find yourself hearing the actors’ voices as you read the lines. Walter, especially, is well drawn. Given John Noble’s unforgettable performance in the series, this comes as welcome relief. Yes, he’s not the focused, unfeeling monster portrayed in flashbacks on the show, but he has no reason to be. He’s young, brilliant, untouched by tragedy and yet, when the situation demands it, he will exhibit that iron will that will, ultimately, lead to his downfall and eventual redemption. Bell, too, comes across accurately. He’s the rock star of the group and his megalomania is hinted at here. Nina Sharp is a little farther along than the two leads. She’s focused, smart and her won’t take crap from anyone is balanced with her genuine empathy.
 
The action of the book is the only weak link here. Although most of the sequences are well thought out and exciting, these brilliant people often do stupid things, which I suppose can be explained by their being out of their depth. Two academically inclined youths, bookworms for lack of a better term, can’t be expected to act like Rambo and that’s as it should be. They are, however, geniuses, and their smarts occasionally go out the window. This is a minor nit-pick but it did take away from the reading experience a time or two.
 
So, should you read THE ZODIAC PARADOX? If you’re a fan of the show, definitely. There are insider nods throughout the book that will go unnoticed by newbies. And what about you newbies? Can you get anything out of the book? As a long-time fan of the show, it’s all but impossible for me to answer that question but I’ll give it a try. The answer is yes. The novel captures the genre smash-up that was the show. Using science and dimensional portals against a radiation-spewing killer from an alternate universe is what Fringe, the series, was all about and the novel should grab you right out of the gate.
 
I enjoyed THE ZODIAC PARADOXand am looking forward to Book 2 with a Olivia front and center. Fringe fans take note, the show lives on!

Earth Station One Straps Author Jonathan Maberry in the Geek Seat

On the latest episode of the Earth Station One podcast, Bobby Nash interviews New York Times Bestselling Author Jonathan Maberry and ESO shows him their version of the “Extinction Machine” also known as The Geek Seat! You can listen to the interview here.

Also, on this episode, the ESO crew honors one of the truest geniuses of our time – the award-winning master musician, songwriter, producer, director, author, actor, humorist, podcaster, multi-media artist known as “Weird Al” Yankovic. Plus, the usual Rants, Raves, Khan Report, and Shout Outs!

Join us for yet another episode of The Earth Station One Podcast we like to call: The Satirical Work of “Weird Al” Yankovic at www.esopodcast.com.

Panel Fest Episode 23: Pulpfest 2013 Heroes of 1933 Panel

 

Hosted by Blood ‘n’ Thunder’s Ed Hulse, the Doc Savage and the Pulp Heroes of 1933 panel at the 2013 PulpFest convention included Nick Carr, Don Hutchison, Garyn Roberts, and Will Murray as they discussed eighty years of “The Great Pulp Heroes”. The panel was recorded by The Book Cave’s Art Sippo.

You can listen to Panel Fest Episode 23: PulpFest2013 Heroes of 1933 here.

About Doc Savage and the Pulp Heroes of 1933:
Eighty years ago, following the astounding success of The Shadow Magazine, the pulp industry created a tremendous splash in publishing by releasing a wave of single-character magazines. The Phantom Detective, Nick Carter, Doc Savage, The Lone Eagle, G-8 and His Battle Aces, The Spider, and Pete Rice Magazine all debuted in 1933, despite the economic hardships wrought by The Great Depression.

The Shadow Magazine was introduced to readers by Street & Smith Publishing in early 1931. Employing the talents of author Walter B. Gibson, the magazine proved an instant hit. Planned as a quarterly, this first “hero” pulp became a monthly after just two issues. A year later, The Shadow Magazine became a semi-monthly, appearing twice each month until early 1943.

By 1932, Street & Smith was planning other single-character pulps, hoping to emulate the high-flying Shadow Magazine. Other publishing houses also noticed the strong sales experienced by Gibson’s “Dark Avenger.” As Henry Steeger of Popular Publications stated: “At this point in pulp history, individual titles became very popular, so we decided to try out a few . . .” And so began what we now call, “The Hero Pulp Explosion of 1933.”

On Friday, July 26th at 8:30 PM in the Fairfield Room of the Hyatt Regency Columbus, Ed Hulse, editor and publisher of Blood ‘n’ Thunder, and a panel of pulp historians took a look at Doc Savage and the Pulp Heroes of 1933. Joining Ed will be Nick Carr, one of the elders of the pulp community, who actually read The Spider and other pulps fresh off the newsstand, and has written countless articles about pulp heroes both known and little known; Don Hutchison, who also had the opportunity to buy pulps at a news agency and has likewise written many articles on the history of the pulps as well as the Stoker Award nominee, The

Great Pulp Heroes (a “must-read” book for fans of the hero pulps); a child of the sixties when he first discovered “The Man of Bronze” and now today’s “Kenneth Robeson,” Will Murray, yet another author of numerous books and articles concerning the pulps; and Garyn Roberts, professor of English and popular culture studies and unabashed pulp fan and editor of some of the best collections from the pulps including The Compleat Adventures of the Moon Man, The Magical Mysteries of Don Diavolo, and other titles will join Ed to discuss the causes and effects of the “Hero Pulp Explosion of 1933.”

Once again, Walter Baumhofer’s masterful cover to the first issue of Doc Savage Magazine, illustrating “The Man of Bronze.”

You can listen to Panel Fest Episode 23: PulpFest2013 Heroes of 1933 here.

New Thor: The Dark World images and Trailer

TM-06742_RNow that people have absorbed all the sneak peek hoopla from Comic-Con International, Disney comes through with several new trailers. Yesterday it was The Muppets, today it’s Thor: The Dark World, opening in November. It’s more Loki-centric, playing off Tom Hiddleston’s newfound popularity and there’s one great moment with Natalie Portman’s Jane Foster resonating back to The Avengers.

Genre:                          Action-adventure
Rating:                          TBD
U.S. Release date:        November 8, 2013
Running time:                TBD

Thor_Payoff_1-Sht_v2_lg

Cast:                            Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgård, Idris Elba, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Kat Dennings, Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi, Tadanobu Asano, Jaimie Alexander with Rene Russo and Anthony Hopkins as Odin
Director:                       Alan Taylor
Producer:                      Kevin Feige, p.g.a.
Executive Producers:    Louis D’Esposito, Victoria Alonso, Craig Kyle, Alan Fine, Nigel Gostelow, Stan Lee
Story by:                      Don Payne and Robert Rodat
Screenplay by:              Christopher L. Yost and Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely

Marvel’s Thor: The Dark World continues the big-screen adventures of Thor, the Mighty Avenger, as he battles to save Earth and all the Nine Realms from a shadowy enemy that predates the universe itself.  In the aftermath of Marvel’s Thor and Marvel’s The Avengers, Thor fights to restore order across the cosmos…but an ancient race led by the vengeful Malekith returns to plunge the universe back into darkness. Faced with an enemy that even Odin and Asgard cannot withstand, Thor must embark on his most perilous and personal journey yet, one that will reunite him with Jane Foster and force him to sacrifice everything to save us all.

Starring Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Stellan Skarsgård, Idris Elba, Christopher Eccleston, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Kat Dennings, Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi, Tadanobu Asano, and Jaimie Alexander with Rene Russo and Anthony Hopkins as Odin, Marvel’s Thor: The Dark World is directed by Alan Taylor, produced by Kevin Feige, p.g.a., from a story by Don Payne and Robert Rodat and screenplay by Christopher L. Yost and Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely, and is based on Marvel’s classic Super Hero Thor, who first appeared in the comic book Journey into Mystery  #83 in August, 1962.

Marvel’s Thor: The Dark World continues the big-screen adventures of Thor, the Mighty Avenger, as he battles to save Earth and all the Nine Realms from a shadowy enemy that predates the universe itself.

Mike Gold: Cop Killer and Cop-Out

Gold Art 13080721 years ago Warner Bros. released a record album called Body Count and it launched a shit storm. The artist, Ice-T, performed a track called “Cop Killer” which was written from the perspective of, well, a cop killer. This is a common device in the communication arts, and it doesn’t mean the author/performer is an advocate for his character. For example, Robert Bloch wrote a novel called Psycho, from which the classic Hitchcock movie was based. I do not recall anybody accusing Bloch of being, supporting, or even befriending cannibalistic serial killers.

However, oftentimes when some strong-looking black guy assumes a position of power, certain other people completely lose their minds. The NRA and similar hate groups said Ice-T was advocating the wanton murder of police and the usual protests ensued: Warner’s Rockefeller Plaza headquarters was picketed, talking heads babbled mindlessly on teevee and radio, records were burned, and the far right basked in the afterglow of a rich orgasm of bullshit.

This is sort of like a trauma suffered by Warner Bros. almost two decades earlier, where some people listened to parts of Randy Newman’s song “Short People” and decided Newman was bigoted against, well, short people. Randy’s a nice white guy; Warners didn’t pull the track.

In the “Cop Killer” case Warner Bros. issued a statement saying they believed in free speech and they were standing behind Ice-T. As an executive (!) of Warners at the time, I was genuinely proud of my employer. Silly me. I had met Ice-T up at DC Comics’ offices; they were going to do a graphic novel with him and the guy wanted to “borrow” Trevor Von Eeden, who was drawing the Black Canary monthly for me at the time. Ice-T is a nice guy, and coming in person to make the request was a massive act of respect.

A while later, when fewer people were looking, Warner Bros. quietly withdrew the track from future pressings of the album and they dumped Ice-T’s next record and the graphic novel mysteriously disappeared. If corporations were truly human the way the highest court in the land said when they were undoubtedly high, then Corporate America has the morals of a crack whore.

So, outside of Trevor, what does this have to do with comic books?

Science fiction writer Orson Scott Card is a vicious little homophobe consumed with hatred. He had done some comics writing, and a little while back DC hired him to write a story for their new Adventures of Superman title. This title features stories written and drawn by a variety of writers and artists and, for the record, is one of my favorite books from that publisher. Shortly after that, Card exposed his innermost feelings to the public and Warner Bros. – DC Comics is owned and operated by Warner Bros. and isn’t even a division thereof – publically pulled the story from the book. DC said “Hey! We don’t hate no homos!” and, yes, I paraphrase for emphasis.

OK. That’s nice. Make a stand in favor of equality and equal rights and the common humanity of all people. That’s probably good for business as, at the very least, it takes them out of the “Orson Scott Card is a crawling piece of shit” controversy.

But now, when fewer people are looking, they’ve quietly admitted they are going to publish Card’s Superman story.

The “Cop Killer” incident happened a few years before Ice-T became a star of one of television’s longest running crime dramas… playing a cop. So much for Ice-T advocating the killing of policepeople.

But Orson Scott Card remains an unrepentant homophobe and consummate hater.

Fuck you, Warner Bros, you poseurs. You goddamned lying hypocrites.

THURSDAY MORNING: Dennis O’Neil

THURSDAY AFTERNOON: Martin Pasko

 

Captain Action Needs Your Help!

The Captain Action team is working to get the good Captain’s figures on the shelf at Wal-Mart for 2014. The Captain Action line was selected for a special program they have at Wal-Mart. It’s kind of like American Idol for shelf space. If you are so inclined, please help them to advance in the competition by voting here.

You can vote 1 time per day! It ends in early September.

Learn more about Captain Action here.