stan-lee-dick-manitoba-9370542

Will Stan Lee Sing the Kars4Kids Jingle?

ByClifford Meth

stan-lee-dick-manitoba-9370542While the scene at the NASDAQ at Times Square Thursday night was the polar opposite of the geek circus this past weekend at the Javits Center, the one thing they both had in common was Stan Lee at center stage. The Stan
Lee Foundation, a new literacy program recently launched by Stan and his business partners at POW! Entertainment, used only the thinnest veil of superhero banter and trope to get the message out that they are serious—deadly serious—about solving illiteracy across the globe.

“The Stan Lee Foundation is a foundation with a message,” said the keynote speaker. “We want to make this a planet we can live with. That way we can, uh… live with the planet… Er, that’s what the foundation was founded for.”

Okay, I thought from the eighth row—somebody forgot his lines. Or never took an extemp course. He should’ve had my speech coach Jerry Lasso at Morris Hills. Three months later, you could blither all day about sandpaper.

I turned to Richard Manitoba (aka, “Handsome Dick” of The
Dictators) who was sitting to my right and whispered, “Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daughter… ‘s wedding… on the day of your daughter’s wedding.”

Richard nodded but didn’t look up from his Blackberry. He was busy texting baseball with band-mate Scott “Top Ten” Kempner. “And I hope their first child is a masculine
child,” he replied, then added, “Andy Pettitte is rolling over the Twins. Sixty pitches through five innings after a 1-2-3 fifth.”

“Still bothered about that autograph?” I inquired. Stan’s handlers wouldn’t let anyone get their books scribbled in, not even a rockstar/radio host like HD.

“Nah—I’m a big boy,” said Richard, fingers flying, both eyes on his Blackberry. “I got my picture taken with Stan. That’s enough.”

Enough indeed. It struck me how Stan Lee reduces everyone he surveys to fanboys and fangirls. Fanpeople. I’ve known comic industry’s grand old icon as long as I can remember. He even wrote the introduction to my forthcoming ComicBook
Babylon. But I was still jacked to get a personal invite to his foundations’ coming out party. I’d recently helped launch the Kars4Kids
Literacy Program and was hoping to get Stan to sing the Kars4Kids jingle.
Or maybe someone else would sing it. Isn’t that Ne-Yo the R&B rapstar yaking it up with Joe Quesada in the corner? Or maybe Handsome Dick will come to the mike after the Yankees finish trouncing the Twins. I turned to my left to see who else was available. Gene Colan was snoring audibly.

Stan’s stage appearance followed the keynote debacle. Our man of the hour needed no script. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here!” Stan told his standing ovation as he stood tall in front of an even taller projection screen with his iconic signature plastered across it. “But it’s a little embarrassing, isn’t it? Couldn’t they make my name any bigger?”

And then came the celebrity auction. That is celebs bidding on comics-related items that Stan had signed. That is if you consider behind-the-scenes marketing folks celebs of any sort. They certainly had deeper pockets than yours truly. A VG copy of a late-issue Spider-Man went for 50-times its Overstreet value. Dutch courage, they call it. Pay heed, would-be auctioneers, to the value of an open bar.

Auction over. Sony and Sega and IMG execs and their young, scantily clad dates are back at the bar for refreshers. Handsome Dick finally looks up from his Blackberry.

“Yankees win,” he said, John Sterling-like. “Theeee Yankees win!”

And then he noticed the young women at the bar for the first time. “I don’t get it,” he said. “Look at those shiksa noses, willya? They’re so small! How can they even breathe out of those things?”

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22 Comments

  2. I love that kars4kids commercial. Cant wait to hear him singing 1877-kars4kids k-a-r-s kars4kids.Keep up the great work everyone.

  4. I love that kars4kids commercial. Cant wait to hear him singing 1877-kars4kids k-a-r-s kars4kids.Keep up the great work everyone.

  5. And then he noticed the young women at the bar for the first time. “I don’t get it,” he said. “Look at those shiksa noses, willya? They’re so small! How can they even breathe out of those things?”What did that have to do with anything? I don’t get it. Was this line supposed to be more sexist or racist? Putting down a whole group of women with an ethnic slur and a off hand comment about their physical appearance seems just casually snide. Were the young women there only as arm candy, eye candy and window dressing? Was that comment supposed to be ironic? Or was that really supposed to make John Sterling look like a giant, warm-water, sexist douche-bag?I don’t know John Sterling, so I won’t call him that. But that’s the way the last paragraph of this article reads.

    1. John Sterling wasn’t in the story. Richard Manitoba was “John Sterling-like.”

      And relax, it’s a joke.

      1. Oh, you’re right, it was Richard Manitoba, “Handsome Dick.” I was confused. And it was a joke!

        Really?

        How was it funny? I know that jokes that you explain aren’t funny. But, seriously, I don’t get that joke. Was this a continuation of Richard’s John Stirling impression? Would John Stirling have said something stupid like that? Because it just sounded like Richard Manitoba was being an ugly dick.

  6. And then he noticed the young women at the bar for the first time. “I don’t get it,” he said. “Look at those shiksa noses, willya? They’re so small! How can they even breathe out of those things?”What did that have to do with anything? I don’t get it. Was this line supposed to be more sexist or racist? Putting down a whole group of women with an ethnic slur and a off hand comment about their physical appearance seems just casually snide. Were the young women there only as arm candy, eye candy and window dressing? Was that comment supposed to be ironic? Or was that really supposed to make John Sterling look like a giant, warm-water, sexist douche-bag?I don’t know John Sterling, so I won’t call him that. But that’s the way the last paragraph of this article reads.

  7. I love that kars4kids commercial. Cant wait to hear him singing 1877-kars4kids k-a-r-s kars4kids.
    Keep up the great work everyone.

  12. And then he noticed the young women at the bar for the first time. "I don't get it," he said. "Look at those shiksa noses, willya? They're so small! How can they even breathe out of those things?"What did that have to do with anything? I don't get it. Was this line supposed to be more sexist or racist? Putting down a whole group of women with an ethnic slur and a off hand comment about their physical appearance seems just casually snide. Were the young women there only as arm candy, eye candy and window dressing? Was that comment supposed to be ironic? Or was that really supposed to make John Sterling look like a giant, warm-water, sexist douche-bag?I don't know John Sterling, so I won't call him that. But that's the way the last paragraph of this article reads.

    1. John Sterling wasn't in the story. Richard Manitoba was "John Sterling-like."And relax, it's a joke.

      1. Oh, you're right, it was Richard Manitoba, "Handsome Dick." I was confused. And it was a joke! Really? How was it funny? I know that jokes that you explain aren't funny. But, seriously, I don't get that joke. Was this a continuation of Richard's John Stirling impression? Would John Stirling have said something stupid like that? Because it just sounded like Richard Manitoba was being an ugly dick.

  13. That’s cool! Handsome Dick is to punk what Stan Lee is to comics! Great story and great photo!

  14. That’s cool! Handsome Dick is to punk what Stan Lee is to comics! Great story and great photo!

  15. That's cool! Handsome Dick is to punk what Stan Lee is to comics! Great story and great photo!

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