Taking Down “The Dark Knight Rises”

Ouch, ouch, and more ouch.

FADE IN:

EXT. AIRPLANE

After DC COMICS reminds everyone of their shitty new logo, HANS ZIMMER plucks a couple strings until HOODED TOM HARDY and nuclear scientist ALON ABOUTBOUL are taken on board CIA AGENT AIDAN GILLEN’S PLANE.

AIDAN GILLEN

We were only expecting the scientist, who the fuck are you?

TOM HARDY
(in 5.1 surround)

Remember how the lasht villain was introduced in a full-head mashk, only revealing hish true face ash he pulled off an overly elaborate plan that involved shacrifiching hish own underlingsh?

(removes hood)

WE’RE DOING IT AGAIN, WITH NO SHURVIVORSH!

via If ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Was 10 Times Shorter and More Honest | Cracked.com.

And just for good measure, we have the folks at How It Should Have Ended weighing in:

Sadly, I can’t find much wrong with their critiques.

Then we have word that in worldwide box office, while at the same time selling fewer tickets than Tim Burton’s Batman. Amazing, ain’t it?