Author: Marc Alan Fishman

ABC’s Dancing with the Stars announced the star-studded celebrity participants for the upcoming 11th season! This fall taking the stage will be:

• Brandy, who will reignite her career right out of the grave it’s been sleeping in since it keeled over in 1998.
• Jennifer Grey, who will prove once more why “Baby” shoulda’ stayed in the corner. 
• Margaret Cho, who will show off all the fat she shed back in 2005, when people still didn’t find her funny. Cho, famous for calling herself a “fag hag” will be an instant fan favorite for the target of DWTS… the “hyper-gays”.
• Audrina Patridge, who was on some show on MTV called the Hills. I had to look that up on Wikipedia, so that pretty much shows you just what class of celebrity passes for a “Star” on this show.
• Florence Henderson, who will remind us why she was on VH1’s “Surreal Life”… because even on a show surrounded by Z-listers, ole’ Carole Brady can brighten a screen long enough for you to remember her acting ability is much like her star power. By the way, did you know she’s hocking internet service for seniors now? I rest my case.
• Bristol Palin, who will prove to America that with a little charm, a little limelight, and a mother who looks like Tina Fey… anything is possible. Just a quick network note, if for any reason Bristol needs to attend to her child, her spot will be replaced by someone with as much ‘star cred’ as Bristol; Remember Joe the Plumber?
• Michael Bolton, who will show the wit, class, and grace he’s always shown when in the public eye. In order to combat the instant narcolepsy effect that will occur when people see him, ABC will cut all his performances in with clips from Pokemon.
• Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, who will, to no one’s surprise, dance all numbers without a shirt. This should create high drama with the judges, and gay population rooting for Chunk-Lite Cho.
• David Hasselhoff, fresh off his comedy central roast, will dance as long as he is paid in plastic bottles of Vodka, purchased from the drug store down the street from the set.
• Kurt Warner, this season’s token athlete, fresh off his 2008 Super Bowl loss as an Arizona Cardinal. We’re not actually knocking his NFL career, he was amazing. But as a dancer? We’re hoping for a career ending injury.
• Kyle Massey, who we also had to look up on wikipedia, is from Disney’s That So Raven. Seriously? Is Raven Symone too good for the show, that they instead hire a 4th rate Keenan Thompson?
• Rick Fox, the second token athlete… with 3 NBA championships under his belt, and a recent 2009 loss on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Fox is set to ballroom dance his way back to the lowest tier of page 20 in People Magazine.

We can’t wait to tune in to see who eventually takes home the golden dance shoes. In an unrelated story, Spike TV is bringing back the third season of it’s hit show, 1000 Ways to Die. SPOILER ALERT. #957? Watching Dancing with the Stars, 10 seasons after it peaked.

Dateline: Sydney! It seems a fickle Frenchman, nicknamed “Spider-Man” was nabbed by Aussie Police after he scaled a 57-story building in Sydney, with his bare hands! Alain “So not Peter Parker” Robert is a noted building climber… having scaled over 70 buildings, (as only a spider can.) including the 41-story Royal Bank of Scotland building in Sydney, The Sears Willis (ugh) Tower in Chicago, and the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lampur.

It seems this Spider-Man has had plenty of run-ins with the law, having paid a whopping $676 dollar fine once before to the Aussie Feds for his previous scaling of the aforementioned Royal Bank, as well as numerous arrests for his previous climbs. “I’m sad he’s been arrested, but hopefully he’ll get out soon and we can have some champagne,” said his agent, Max Markson. We can only assume Robert and Markson’s next scaling may be away from the land-down-under. We suggest Chicago’s Trump Tower next. Why? Cause the Donald loves publicity stunts, and his half-filled building needs a little TLC from the media.

We stopped the editor of the Daily Bugle, one J. Jonah Jameson, who had this to say: “If we only knew the identity of our own city’s wall-crawler we could fine him too for all the buildings he’s scaled. I talked to our attorney, Matt Murdock, and he’s certain that if that French kid gets arresting for just climbing a building, our web-spinning, car-flipping, joke-spewing ‘Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man’ would get an instant ‘Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200’ card! And we’ll figure out WHO the web-crawler is too… All we need is one more day.”

Kudos to Yahoo! for this one.

What started out as a joke between editors of the Daily Cross Hatch blog, Brian Heater and Sarah Morean, has stormed across the land to become a for us nerds to celebrate in tandem. Read Comics in Public Day is exactly what it sounds like. Remember to the “norms”, “muggles”, and “non-nerds” comic books are but mere childish things. While they may have heard of “Graphic Novels”, and probably have seen more than one film lately that was once based on some form of comic literature… they themselves wouldn’t be caught dead perusing an issue of Action Comics or Ghost World whilst out and about. And while hipsters flick and pan on their iPhones, iPads and Kindles, and the spinsters cling to their romance novels whilst whisking themselves on planes, trains, and buses… They look down their noses at we who de-bag our copy of Ultimate Spider-Man, and revel in the mid-adventures of Peter Parker. They don’t “get” our Hellboy BPRD patch sewn lovingly on our Messenger Bag of Holding. They scoff at our mock Blue Lantern Ring, which we wear on Mondays, to remind us to hope for a good week. And when they gaze that steely gaze… we may feel… less good about our choices.

But Not Today.

On this day, I tell you to don ALL your extra giveaway rings. Put that mock Mjolnir on your belt. Don your favorite Kirby-era 70s faded in the wash New Gods shirt. And more than any of that… pull out one of those “kitsch-rags” whilst you are in public. And if you find yourself in the Baltimore Area, take some public transportation, in full cosplay gear, and read that new Brightest Day you had squirreled away. Laugh out loud when Scott Pilgrim makes a funny declaration. Snort and chortle as loudly as you’ve ever chortled before when Deadpool breaks the fourth wall. And then when those who choose to mock you do so? Look them in the eye, and exclaim “Excelsior!” Then… get off that public transportation, and find your way to the Baltimore Comic Con! Join your brothers and sisters in arms, and celebrate all the goodness that can be had at a great convention. And while you’re there? Say hi to some of the ComicMix family in attendance. On the floor, and at their own tables are Mark Wheatley, Robert Tinnell, Adriane Nash, Mike Gold, Timothy Truman, John Workman, Andrew Pepoy, and Glenn Hauman! Shake their hands. Take their picture. Then have them snap a shot of you, reading that new Lone Justice trade you needed. Better yet… Go outside with that copy of Lone Justice, and read it in a nice public park. Snap the picture there, and then send it on to the folks at readcomicsinpublic.com.

You have your marching orders. Now go make us proud.

Kirkmania is abound! From his adaptation of his graphic novel series The Walking Dead set to debut on AMC on Halloween… to his work on Invincible, as well as his launching of Image’s newest imprint Skybound, to say that writer Robert Kirkman is a busy man is an understatement! Fresh Ink Online (from those fine folks at G4TV) presents this interview with one of comicdom’s most outspoken, well-bearded, and popular faces. Watch the clip below, and enjoy all the info!

While it took a few weeks to cross the pond, we here at ComicMix are proud to announce the wedding of Batman and Wonder Woman, in a small ceremony a few weeks ago in Devon, England. Thanks to the folks at Geek-O-System for snagging some choice details. The guest list was a veritable who’s-who in comicdom. Wedding goers included several Supermen, Superwomen, the Incredibles, Iron Man and his son, Danger Mouse, Kick-Ass, The Pink Ranger, Wolverine, Rorschach, The Incredible Hulk and Captain America. Also in attendance, in a show of solidarity amongst the caped do-gooders were joined by villains like Poison Ivy, and the Master of Ceremonies… Batman’s nemesis The Joker. Geek-O-System also reported that fittingly, Robin was the best man, and the Power Puff Girls served as bridesmaids.

While no there was few reports on the reception, we can safely assume that anything the new power-couple didn’t get on their gift table can be afforded by Batman’s alter-ego, billionaire Bruce Wayne. Sources close to the wedding said the reception was a fairly casual affair, as many in attendance feared riling the Hulk into a fury. While the Joker stayed oddly well behaved throughout, he did try once to serve the wedding party joker-fish in a beurre blanc sauce… knowing full well of Wonder Woman’s lactose intolerance. Luckily, it was caught by her new husband, who quickly traded entrees with her, gladly giving up the peppery-poisoned arugula and radicchio salad prepared by Pamela Isely.

The newlyweds were said to have left on their new invisible Bat-Jet, on their way to the Magic Kingdom for their honeymoon; Where Wonder Woman was quoted as saying “I’m gonna show my husband just how ferocious we greeks are on our wedding night!”. Batman had nothing to say to this, but as the Joker noted… “Ole Bat’s has never smiled so wide in his life, and I’ve joker-gassed him about 20 times!”.