Author: Matt Raub

Synopsis:

A perfect bank heist turns deadly when the robbers and their hostages flee to the abandoned underground subway station where they encounter the Trackman, a deformed madman that prowls the darkness. It becomes a fight for survival as the mysterious monster picks off the people, both good guys and bad, one by one.

Lowdown:

Remember the days when horror films didn’t need a twist ending? When Freddy Krueger never turned out to be Nancy’s father, or Michael Myers was never just a part Laurie’s subconscious? Those were the good old days, but since the genre has been changed by things like Saw or the trend of remaking Japanese horror, it’s almost like a rite of passage to have a “mind-altering” twist at the end of the film, and quite frankly, its getting old.

Trackman has some great slasher movie elements to it, buried deep inside of a poorly edited and badly shot film. Having that the film was made in Russia, I may not be up to speed on how things are shot and edited there, but I’m pretty sure taking a page from Zack Snyder’s book of “unnecessary slow motion” is universally unacceptable. At least when Snyder does it, it’ during a moment of deep(ish) drama to accentuate the moment, and not just establishing shots of dark hallways slowed down to fill time. The film weighs in at 80 minutes, but if you were to dump the slo-mo shots, we’re looking at more like an hour.

The beginning kicks off with a very “Inside Man” feeling, with two men going over the plan for a bank robbery. The robbery goes on, some unneeded blood was shed, and the robbers escape with a few hostages for good measure. Their plan, for some reason, involves roaming around an abandoned tunnel system where (here’s when things get fun) they come across the Trackman.

The origin of the “monster” is done through about two lines of dialogue and something about Chernobyl, but is vague and pretty borders on being convoluted. The great thing about the Trackman is that he had just about all of the elements that made Jason Voorhees so scary for decades: covered face, skulky, had the ability to appear and disappear when needed, wielded a pretty big weapon, and even had a memorable rattle (replacing the Ch-Ch-Ch-Ka-Ka-Ka with some pretty heavy footsteps). The twist in the end of the film, however, negates all of this as we learn that the monster may not be all that monstrous.

The gore is done on a pretty low budget for the film. The big shtick that the Trackman has is a makeshift eye-scooper that he uses to rip out the eyes of his victims and keep. The act of scooping is done all off camera with screams, and even the more gory slasher-type kills are done off camera. A bit of a rip off for the fans of the genre who remember the days of Jason hacking away pieces of campers.

While the film does have its flaws, it makes up for it by bottling what we all loved about the slasher films of the 80s. There are some great moments of suspense and horror, and there may even be room for a return of the Trackman, provided they can find another reason to go into an abandoned Russian mining tunnel.

Overall Rating: 6/10

Scare Factor: 4/5

Synopsis:

The sixth grade students of a small town begin to realize that their new substitute teacher is an alien. When the parents don’t believe them, they are forced to take matters into their own hands. It is later revealed that the alien’s goal is to understand Earth’s concept of love and destroy the planet, because her planet knows only of war.

Lowdown:

It’s funny how many one-word horror titles are out there and have the ability to sound so ominous. “[[[The Substitute]]]” has been used a good amount of times to intimidate, if you count the 1996 thriller starring Tom Berenger about a militant sub who straightens out an urban high school(which spawned two sequels), or Martin Donovan’s 1993 TV movie about a substitute teacher with a dark past, or even the sequel to 1990’s Class of 1999, in which a robotic substitute assassinates a group of punks. This film, produced in 2007, certainly attempts to live up to it’s name, but sadly falls short with some poor acting and a confusing plot.

The film hails from Denmark, which means you have the choice of watching the DVD in it’s original language with subtitles (which is horrible for genres like comedy and horror which rely on timing), or you can watch the film with the English dubbing, which due to the cartoonish voices for the children, will make you laugh more than intended. While most of the actors in the film are children, the responsibility to hold things together is on the shoulders of veteran Danish actress Paprika Steen. She may be a big deal over in Denmark, but her overacting as the alien substitute with a hunger for live chickens is outlandish at best.

With a plot synopsis reading “an alien takes over a sixth grade class”, there aren’t many places you can go that won’t deliver as obtuse or puerile, but this film manages to go in the opposite direction and take the “confusing and pretentious” path. The end of the film consists of the substitute teacher taking the students on a field trip to her point of origin with plans on doing something malevolent. The first time they arrive, the children plan an escape and almost get away, if it wasn’t for time rewinding twelve hours and nobody remembering anything. They then go for “ending #2” and fight the alien. The rewind ending made no sense and left me trying to figure out what had happened, rather than watching the ending, which was subpar as well.

The special effects are done pretty well in parts, which is good because it’s hard to sell an alien horror film with a weak budget unless your last name is Wood and you’re BFF’s with Bela Legousi. There are a few moments where the computer graphics look a bit wonky, but overall, there was no problem in believing that this substitute was just an alien with a tendency to overact.

With the script by Ole Bornedal, the same guy who brought us a great concept like [[[Nightwatch]]] and let it fall into confusion and obscurity, it only makes sense that a great concept like this film can fall apart inside of the first half hour. The overall moral towards the end was supposed to be that “love conquers war”, but really, didn’t we already know that? It doesn’t take a chicken-eating Danish cougar to explain it to us through a bunch of sixth graders.

Overall Rating: 3/10

Scare Factor: 3/5

It looks like those, like myself, in love with the children’s show Yo Gabba Gabba! will be enjoying your favorite monsters on the big screen. According to producer Charles Rivkin, there is currently a confirmed plan for a feature film. Seeing as how Pee Wee’s Playhouse can stem three films, there’s no reason why a bunch of monsters and a robot can’t.

For those who have yet to experience then madness which is Yo Gabba Gabba, a children’s show on Nickelodeon airing in the time that people over 20 probably aren’t watching television, let me explain. Imagine Sesame Street meets Electric Company meets Pee Wee’s Playhouse but done by pop culture nerds and filled with bizarre celebrity cameos. The show is about DJ Lance Rock, a man in a bright orange jumpsuit with a boom box full of action figures that come to life. Each of these action figures are colorful monsters (and a robot) with the intellect of toddlers who learn a lesson or two throughout each episode.

If you are thinking to yourself "Why would I care about a kid’s show?" Well, its not just a show for kids, folks. Right off the bat with the name; it’s taken from the Ramone’s chant "Gabba Gabba Hey", which itself pays tribute to the 1932 film Freaks. The show is produced and created by lead singer of The Aquabats Christian Jacobs and his partner Scott Schultz. The show also has some pretty mind-blowing cameos for a children’s show. Hosting the segment "Mark’s Magic Pictures" is Mark Mothersbaugh from Devo, while Biz Markie stops by for the "Beat Box of the Day". Season one had some impressive cameos as well from Tony Hawk, to The Shins, to Elijah Wood and kicking off season two, other names like Jack Black, Amy Sedaris and 30 Rock‘s Jack McBrayer are scheduled to make an appearance. Catch or DVR the show weekdays at 11:30am EST on Nickelodeon.

In the coming days leading up to Halloween, we will be reviewing each film collected in Lionsgate’s Ghost House Underground Collection. In the set are eight films hand picked by "Horror Kings" Sam Raimi and Robert Tapert who have produced films such as The Grudge, Evil Dead, and 30 Days of Night.

Each of the films encompasses a different aspect of the Horror genre, from zombies on down. The first film; No Man’s Land: Rise of the Reeker deals with a group of people trapped in a deserted rest stop who are hunted by a Grim Reaper-looking figure. In Dance of the Dead, a group of teens are the only ones left when their town is infested by zombies…on prom night! Dark Floors revolves around the balance of dark and light and some pretty gruesome monsters who terrorize people in a hospital. Brootherhood of Blood takes place in a world where vampires and humans are at war, while two come together to fight a darker evil. The Substitute is about a malicious alien that terrorizes a bunch of sixth graders. Trackman is about a group of bank robbers on the run get grabbed and tortured by a madman. Room 205 revolves around an apartment haunted by a ghost with unfinished business. Finally, Last House in the Woods is a Blair Witch type film about a group of cannibals picking off unsuspecting campers in the middle of nowhere. Each day, we will be bringing you reviews on each of these great movies, leading us up to the biggest day of the year for watching horror movies: Halloween!

Because we can’t rate these movies like we would Spider-Man 3, we are issuing a special criteria in rating each film. Each of the movies will be rated in Acting, Plot, Special Effects, and Campiness. Now, seeing as how campiness usually draws a negative connotation, understand that in the horror genre, a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously can make it a cult classic, just look at the Evil Dead series.

Normally, our rating system at ComicMix is numerical out of 10 for the film overall. Here, because we are rating horror movies, we will be giving each film an overall rating, as well as a Scare Factor, on a scale of one to five; just how scary the movie is, and those fans of the genre out there know that this could be a deal breaker for for most horror films.

I recently got a chance to sit down and chat with legendary producer Robert Tapert, who you know best as Sam Raimi’s better half working with him on things like Hercules,  Xena, Evil Dead, and even producing some great horror films to hit theaters in the past few years such as The Grudge and 30 Days of Night. I talked to Rob about some of his newer projects, including The Ghost House Underground Collection, a collection of eght horror films hand picked by Tapert and Raimi, which we will be reviewing here in the coming weeks. We also chatted about his newest TV project,  Legend of the Seeker, and even a possibility of an Evil Dead remake.

ComicMix: The Ghost House Underground Collection recently was released on DVD and they are slated as being "hand selected by Rob Tapert and Sam Raimi". Is that true?

Robert Tapert: Sam and I picked the bulk of them. we are partnered with two other guys [Barry Brooker and Stan Wertlieb] who come from a long line of building DVD libraries. There was some guidance that was needed so that we didn’t pick all foreign flicks and had a wide enough variety to make the collection worth while. Overall, though, most of our picks made it into the final box set.

CMix: Were any of the eight films in the box set produced by your and Raimi’s production company, Ghost House Pictures?

RT: When we created GHP, [Sam and I] would be approached by dozens of directors and agents and young filmmakers who wanted to be hired. After a while we would follow up with them and hear terrible stories about how they got ripped off and lost tons of money through distribution. Then a little over a year ago, Barry and Stan came to us and told us that there is a business to be built in creating a Ghost House Underground consumer brand for direct-to-DVD movies. [Sam and I] were worried about becoming just another distributor who wouldn’t help these young filmmakers, but Barry and Stan said "as long as you pay the filmmakers what their due — wouldn’t you have been happy being payed what you were due when working on Evil Dead?" We agreed and have been happy with the outcome thus far. These films, and probably for the next incarnation are pre-existing films that are sent to us or we’ve at festivals or thousands of other ways.

(more…)

Remember sitting through any particularly bad episode of The Incredible Hulk and thought to yourself, "Boy, this would be great for Mystery Science Theater!"? Well, look no further because Mike Nelson and his band of riffers from RiffTrax.com have decided to take on the very first episode of season one entitled "Final Round".

RiffTrax, for those not in the know, is a website where you can buy MP3’s of the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, and Kevin Murphy) doing what they do best for movies that deserve it. After purchasing the Riff MP3, you then synch it up to the movie you purchased, like a makeshift commentary. With a selection ranging from Plan 9 From Outer Space to Ben Affleck’s Daredevil, you can purchase each "podcast" and watch it along with your DVD in the comfort of your own home. In a new deal, Rifftrax has partnered up with Overcast Media who will pre-synch the RiffTrax onto content posted for free by Hulu.com. This episode of Hulk is being offered for free as a Beta test and those who check it out are asked to give their feedback on how the service worked.

In the episode, Bruce Banner, going under the name David Benson (ugh) gets saved from muggers by local boxer "Rocky" (no relation) . Later Banner becomes Rocky’s friend and corner-man and uncovers a plot by Rocky’s manager for him to mule drugs. Not only do we get Martin Kove playing "Rocky", who is best remembered as the instructor who told Johnny to "sweep the leg" in Karate Kid, but we also get Ferrigno in green jumping in the ring to beat on the baddies!

Enjoy the full episode with RiffTrax commentary here.