Author: Mike Gold

I have previously opined my regrets that America’s most reliable newspaper – some might say only reliable newspaper – the Weekly World News, bit the dust. It was a hoot.

Because the New York Post cloaks itself in the shroud of legitimacy, it may very well be America’s most unreliable newspaper. It is the hairy wart on Rupert Murdoch’s considerable media ass, which is saying something. The Post is completely bereft of credibility.

But they’ve got a sense of humor about it, and I’ve got to give them credit. Rupert’s book publishing division Harper Collins came out with a volume reprinting many of the, ahhh, more interesting front pages published in the Post since he bought the staid, boring tabloid and converted it into a daily joke. But at least it’s a good joke.

Entitled Headless Body In Topless Bar, the book was named after what may very well be the most memorable front page headline since Variety’s “Wall Street Lays An Egg.” That one set the standard for both the rag and for journalism itself: rarely has an entire story been reduced to five words. They did that back in 1983 and haven’t beaten it yet.

They reprint over 150 front pages in black and white (most were published in black and white, but the paper went to color several years ago) – from “Crowe Flies” (Russell; get it?) to “Good Noose” (about Saddam’s sentencing), from “Bowling For Palestine” (Arafat’s theft of pro-Palestinian funds) to my second-favorite: “V-D Day!” The sub-head, which does nothing to illuminate the story, is “Paris liberated, bimbos rejoice.” You couldn’t mix that many messages in a blender. (more…)

Sorry. I won’t even try to tie this week’s column into comics. Or into Rachael Ray, for that matter. It’s about fear and bigotry and other concepts that have been washing over America repeatedly these last few years.

There was a guy who worked at the Mobil station about a half-mile down the road from me. His name was Muhammad. It said so on his nametag. On 9-12-01, he looked like the most scared man I ever met. By the next time I was at the gas station, his nametag had undergone a rewrite. He was now “Michael.” At least in public.

I know a couple kids with an Egyptian last name. Prior to 9-11-01, they were quite little. After 9-11-01, they grew up pretty fast. That’s what happens when your schoolmates hold you and your Egyptian last name responsible for the deaths of some 3,000 people (we like to say “3,000 Americans, but that’s not the truth). Kids can be vicious, but they’ve got to learn that type of bigotry somewhere.

Last week, for example, kids could learn how to be fear-mongers and bigots from our friends at your friendly neighborhood Dunkin’ Donuts. In case you haven’t been near the media, or in case you’ve been totally fixated on Hillary Clinton’s attempt to ape George W. Bush’s 2000 election theft, here’s the story.

Professional celebrity Rachael Ray did an ad for Dunkin’ Donuts. In this ad, she wore a scarf. This scarf sorta, kinda looked like a keffiyeh. That’s a rather traditional clothing item worn by Arabian men – Rachel Ray is not an Arabian man – of all political persuasions. Pro-America, anti-America, and anything else that might matter to the Lunatic Right and one of their prime screamers, columnist / broadcaster Michelle Malkin. If the name rings a bell and you’re up on asinine outrage, Ms. Malkin is an American of Asian descent who wrote the book In Defense of Internment: The Case for ‘Racial Profiling’ in World War II and the War on Terror. Now don’t get upset; it’s okay, she can say that because she’s Asian. Well, she’s Philadelphia-American, but of Asian descent. So if you think she’s being politically incorrect, you’re wrong. She’s farting in the swimming pool, but she’s not politically incorrect. (more…)