MICHAEL DAVIS: Con Man
When I first moved into my new home it seemed like every single day for a month I received a sales call from a mortgage company. They always asked for a Mr. Fong. When the calls first started I told them politely that I was not Mr. Fong and asked to be put on the Do Not Call list.
The calls kept coming and for a while I was still polite. I mean, I know how these things work. Mr. Fong had my phone number before me and the mortgage companies computer keeps calling the number. What that means is that every time I asked to be taken off the list, who ever I’m talking to simply hangs up the phone without honoring my request.
Fast forward to a few weeks of getting these calls. Now I’m pissed. So the calls went from this:
THEM: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fong?
ME: There is no one here by that name, please take me off your call list.
To this:
THEM: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fong?
ME: There is no damn Fong here! Do I sound Asian??? Stop calling me!!
I realized that this company was full of a bunch of idiots who simply don’t care to listen to you. So I devised another tactic. This is the way I handled the next call:
THEM: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fong?
ME: (With Enthusiasm!) Speaking!
THEM: Mr. Fong, we see you qualify for a reduced mortgage!
ME: (With more enthusiasm!) WOW! GREAT!
THEM: We would like to send someone out to talk to you. When would be a good time?
ME: (With crazy enthusiasm!) NOW!
THEM: We can send somebody out tomorrow. Is this your current address?
I told them no, the address was wrong then I then gave them a fake address in the HOOD!
The next day at around 4 PM I got another call.
THEM: Hello, can I speak to Mr. Fong?
ME: Yes?
THEM: Mr. Fong. Hi. We must have taken down the wrong address. Can we double-check it?
ME: Why do you say that?
THEM: Well sir, the address you gave us is liquor store.
ME: I assumed you must like being drunk because you keep calling me.
THEM: I don’t understand.
ME: I have told you guys a million (bad word) times I was not Mr. (bad word) Fong!
THEM: Who are you?
ME: None of your (bad word, bad word, REALLY bad word) business.
With that, I hung up. I have not gotten any calls since then, so I guess it worked. What does this have to do with this weeks rant? Nothing! I just love that those idiots wasted their time as they have been wasting mine. And maybe this will help others who find themselves in this predicament.
Now for this weeks rant. No! It’s not a rant. This is a total love fest for the San Diego ComicCon International! Sorry Vinnie Bartilucci, you will have to wait until next week to find issues to debate. This week my friend it’s all about the LOVE! (more…)


In a column today on

In keeping with the upcoming movie The Dark Knight, the next Superman movie will be titled Man of Steel. The villain…? Aww, you guessed it.
It’s said that there are only a few established art and entertainment forms that America can truly call its own — baseball, jazz music and comic books. It’s a bit of a hubristic statement, not surprising coming from a country as relatively young yet as vast as our own. It almost sounds as if we’re trying to convince ourselves of our own cultural relevance — even more so because we realize that each of these things has its roots elsewhere. But hey, so do most of us. And just as this “nation of immigrants” has brought disparate peoples into a “melting pot” atmosphere wherein their contributions have mixed to form a melange all its own, so have jazz, comics and baseball taken previously existing elements and turned them into something new and unique.
Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial cartoonist Doug Marlette, creator of the newspaper strip Kudzu, was killed in a car accident this morning in Mississippi.
