This article may be apocryphal considering that the most expensive Broadway production is still in previews, and its start date has been held up by a litany of horrendous accidents, injuries, and plot elements that would make Scooby-Doo go “Aroo?”

As a die-hard comic book geek and as someone who loves a Costco-sized serving of schadenfreude, I have been following news about Julie Taymor’s musical fiasco, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. I’m sure I’m not the only one who upon reading report after report of injury or “WTF” reviews would come to the conclusion “How the HELL can this continue?

In the event that it does continue, here’s a list of things that must happen altogether for me to see Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark:

1. Julie Taymor, Bono, & The Edge must issue a formal apology for the accidents, the ridiculous plot elements, uninspired songs, and a second act that makes about as much sense as Nick Nolte and Tom Waits on a bender.
2. There must be a permanent restraining order forbidding Julie Taymor, Bono, and The Edge from ever working together again. The restraining order must further stipulate that Bono and The Edge must never work in musical theater.
3. Get rid of the Greek Chorus of Geeks. It’s an interesting device, and a nod to fans, but it’s a bloated appendix: superfluous and in dire need of being excised immediately.
4. Get rid of Arachne. It’s one of the first things to screw with comic book canon. Ms. Taymor may think it’s adding a new dimension to the story, but the inclusion of the Greek mythological figure is little more than an elaborate, long-winded non sequitur.
5. Rewrite Uncle Ben’s death. In changing Ben Parker’s death, a huge part of Spider-Man’s impetus has been changed as well. Spider-Man is driven by guilt for not doing the right thing. In Julie Taymor’s version, the impetus is in less direct fashion that has no obvious bearing on Peter Parker and what he should have done. In ANY version of the established origin, Spider-Man is a better hero for having incorporated this guilt.
6. Remove all the superfluous villains in the second act including Swiss Miss. The inclusion of so many villains lessens the importance of any one of these famous bad guys. Carnage, Electro, The Lizard, and Kraven are no minor figures to Spider-Man. Grouping them altogether makes it seem like Spider-Man is Moe against a group of Shemps. And how the hell do you have a character like Carnage without first explaining who Eddie Brock was? It’s almost like Julie Taymor never heard about one of the most fundamental rules of superhero movies: NEVER load up a project with a buttload of villains. Then again, maybe she thought she could pull it off.

So far, sales of 3-D TVs haven’t exactly set the world on fire. Maybe… just maybe… that might change. Maybe.

Our friends at Apple have told the London Daily Telegraph they’re working on new 3-D technology that would function without special glasses. Oh, and it handles holographic images as well.

Apple’s patent reads: “An exceptional aspect of the invention is that it can produce viewing experiences that are virtuallyindistinguishable from viewing a true hologram. Such a ‘pseudo-holographic’
image is a direct result of the ability to track and respond to observer movements.”

OK. Wow. They didn’t say when this technology will become available, but Apple hopes to apply it to computers, to televisions and to movie screens.

Leander Kahney, who wrote a book called The Cult of Mac, noted “As well as
watching 3-D movies, Apple’s system would have a ton of applications in science, engineering, design and education, while 3-D iPhones and iPads would be killer. It’s easy to imagine things like amazing 3-D textbooks and instructional videos. 3-D gaming on an iPad would be an incredibly immersive gaming experience.”

The problem isn’t technology. It’s content. Thus far I haven’t come across a single movie that motivated me to spend the money to see the 3-D version, and of course my 3-D cable channel remains unlit. I’m not sure what it’ll take to get my business, but if 3-D follows the trends of previous media launches, it’ll be the porn industry that makes it happen.

[[[Salvatore Vol. 1: Transports of Love]]]                                                               By Nicolas De Crécy
NBM, 104 pages, $14.99

The French artist Nicolas De Crécy has been working in the field for some two decades and has been slowing gaining a following in the United States. His 2005 series, Salvatore, is finally translated for American readers courtesy of NBM and it is a most welcome volume. The book was released in 2005 as part of Expresso, Dupuis’ new imprint of full-color albums and here we get the first two volumes collected.

Using a sparer style than in his other works, De Crécy introduces us to Salvatore, a bear who lives in remote Savoy, high atop a mountain. An acclaimed mechanic, he is selective as to who receives his services while he indulges in rich fondue and pines for Julie, the terrier who stole his heart before departing for South America. He pines for Julie and is building the ultimate vehicle to bring him to her, stealing parts from cars as he finds them but an elusive rare part is the focus of the story.

Meantime, he interacts with Amandine, a pregnant pig, who needs her car repaired. With her exceptionally poor eyesight, the sow engages in a series of antics akin to Mister Magoo. In time, she gives birth but one of the piglets, Frank, has gone missing. She searches for her missing child before giving up, settling down and getting a job so she can raise her remaining eleven children.

Their stories intertwine, intersect, and parallel one another in comical ways in this fanciful world where humans and anthropomorphic animals coexist. The emotions displayed by our main characters are well defined and the social observations are finely crafted by the author.

We’re treated to poignant flashbacks to Salvatore’s brief romance with Julie along with comical bits as Amandine’s car goes flying off the mountain top. The mix of comedy and drama is welcome and feels truer to life than books that are one or the other. The artwork may be simplified but detailed enough to give us a strong sense of time and place. The work benefits from the color by Ruby and Walter which is subtle and aids the storytelling.

We’re left with dangling threads and one wants to know if Amandine finds Frank and if Salvatore reaches Julie and if Julie did marry someone else. With luck, this entertaining book for young adults and up will do well enough that we are given a chance to find out.