How To Mutate And Take Over The World
For a limited time (till the end of this week) Benbella Books has posted Adam-Troy Castro’s essay “Dear Magneto” from the book The Unauthorized X-Men:
Let’s imagine a future where you’ve taken over. Baseline human beings
are not an issue, for whatever reason. Either they’ve been
exterminated, or the mutant gene has become so dominant that everybody
possesses a superpower of some kind, or they’re just living underground,
working crap jobs like processing sewage, or sweeping the streets, or
telemarketing. Whatever. They’re irrelevant.Everybody worth talking about has superpowers.
Further, let’s posit a fellow whose superpowers are minimal. He can
jump fifteen feet straight up, bench-press about a thousand pounds and,
while not quite bulletproof, will not be harmed by most knives. You know
the type I’m talking about. In the world you’re living in, he wouldn’t
last thirty seconds against the likes of Spider-Man, but he might be
able to give Daredevil or the Punisher a few anxious moments, on a good
day. He’s clearly a mutant, clearly a guy whose chromosomes buy him a
place in this mutant paradise of yours, but not a person who poses any
serious threat to the entrenched power structure.Do you know what the citizens of your mutant paradise would call this
man? I mean, aside from his given name?Human, that’s what they’d call him.
Your citizens would inevitably develop a value system similar to that
demonstrated by comic book readers, who are known for deriding mutants
with less-than-impressive powers as lame. They’d look upon a guy like
our bulletproof high-jumper and say, well, he’s not really all that.
He’s practically normal. He’s almost (shudder) Batman.
Read the essay, and buy the book.

Glenn Hauman promised yesterday that I’d deliver a “fuller explanation of what’s been going on” vis-à-vis my piece “Welcome to Hollywood.” So in the interests of keeping this story alive (because you haven’t lived until you’ve heard the words, “You’ll never work in this town again”) I’ll try to squeeze in another few inches.
People
Editor’s note: This column, which was originally published at
BURBANK, CA – March 12, 2010 – Warner Premiere is in production on Scooby-Doo! Curse of the Lake Monster, an all-new, live-action/CG movie follow-up to 2009’s record-setting Scooby-Doo! The Mystery Begins, it was announced today by Eva Davis, EVP and General Manager, Warner Premiere. The film commences principal photography on March 15 in various locations around Southern California. The family-targeted feature will premiere on Cartoon Network in fall 2010 and release on DVD through Warner Home Video in early 2011.
