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Review: ‘Bitch Slap’ on DVD

rsz-bitch-slap-2007575From the 1950s through the 1970s many a producer could make a nice career out of producing low budget exploitation films. Roger Corman turned his studio into a training ground and provided us with a generation of terrific filmmakers. Many who make films today were heavily influenced by these films and Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez paid homage with their [[[Grindhouse]]] extravaganza.

Exploitation movies are critic-proof. They will find their audiences thanks to the copious amounts of blood, senseless violence, and frequent displays of cleavage. But, for the most part, their time has come and gone as roadhouse promotions and drive-in theatres have gone the way of the nickelodeon. As a result, you have to admire anyone who sets out to make one these days.

Bitch Slap, out this week on DVD from 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, is the latest such attempt at recreating a lost genre. Rick Jacobson and Eric Gruendemann cut their teeth on [[[Hercules]]] and [[[Xena]]] and have longed to take some of their syndicated television tendencies and mix them with an over-the-top exploitation film. They cowrote the script and Jacobson directed. Then they set out to bring in their pals (Lucy Lawless, Kevin Sorbo, and Renée O’Connor) to make cameo appearances in support of the stars.

You can see their influences through the clever opening and closing title sequences, which are nicely handled.

The movie features three curvaceous, bosomy beauties — Julia Voth, Erin Cummings, America Olivo – stuck out on the desert and caught up in a violent quest for diamonds and guns. Chasing them or trying to run away from them is another TV vet, Michael Hurst.

The movie cuts between the current action in the hot sun and is constantly flashing back to show how the stripper, the killer and the corporate powerbroker got caught up in this adventure. Clearly, the intention is to have fun and to constantly surprise the audience as we see things progress bringing them to this point.

Unfortunately, it’s an underwhelming mess. The script is too clever for its own good and leaves things confusing and poorly laid out. And while it’s interesting to watch these characters come to known one another, building some level of trust, there’s not enough of a spine to really make you care.

Instead, you’re there for the T&A and frankly, the trio remains clothed throughout despite the sex scenes and the times they pour water on each other or wrestle on the ground. The violence is pretty much as you expect with poor makeup and squib effects. After a while, I got bored watching the endless action despite nice stunt coordination from veteran Zoë Bell.

Much of the film’s flashbacks were shot using green screen technology and the backgrounds don’t seamlessly blend with the actors, adding the cheesy look. 

The movie comes complete with a nice four-part behind-the-scenes documentary that shows how much affection went into the project despite the poor results. We see the first cast read through as they introduce themselves and each actor recounts how they got their part. In many ways, this was more engaging than the film itself, especially as they struggled to work within a limited budget and shooting schedule.

The movie had a limited release back in January, earning all of $16,788 at the box office. This DVD is intended to find a more appreciative audience and comes unrated which has to be for the language – certainly not the sex or violence.

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Stan’s Here! ComicMix Talks With Stan Lee About His New Project for BOOM!

stan-lee-6059123BOOM! finally made their teased-out Stan Lee announcement yesterday morning. And despite calls from 1000+ reporters, my 87-years-young friend stopped by to answer a few questions. Briefly.

Cliff: Were the characters and back stories for the new POW-BOOM joint venture actually created by you?

Stan: Yep!

Cliff: Do you still think it’s important for a hero’s alter ego to have an Achilles heel?

Stan: Yep… Usually.

Cliff: At what stage are you at with the projects that you’re doing with Walt Disney Studios?

Stan: All different stages. Script. Development. Production.

Cliff: When I was with IDT Entertainment, you shared a letter with us that you received from Paul McCartney pitching you a character. How often do you get pitches from fellow celebs?

Stan: Occassionally. An average of three or four a year.

Cliff: Now that you’re hitting middle age, do you have any intention of slowing down?

Stan: Not if I can help it! Excelsior!

Visit author Clifford Meth at thecliffordmethod.blogspot.com.

‘Zombies are Americans, Too!’ Minneapolis Zombies Sue Police Over Arrest

The 2006 Minneapolis Aquatennial – an annual festival held
every July – had some unexpected visitors. A group of seven zombies (in this
case, people dressed as zombies with makeup to help them appear to be the
walking dead) went through the shopping zone and shambled around in protest of
blatant consumerism – and what’s a zombie to do? It must be tough to try and
subside on canned pork brains when there are so many healthy, living humans
buying hoodies at the local Urban Outfitters.

Regardless, many shoppers were nonplussed by the shenanigans
of these civilly disobedient zombies, and though there were no injuries,
someone called 911. Apparently (according to the article at startribune.com)
the responding officers approached the small group of zombies – which were not
numerous enough to really be called a horde – and asked them to stay clear of
bystanders and refrain from broadcasting music or offers of brains. It seems
that these peaceful zombies agreed, and decided to go watch a high school drum
show. According to reports, the Minneapolis police later became concerned about
the possibility that the zombies were actually members of a dangerous gang from
Washington State (no word on whether they are from a town called Forks or if
they sparkle) and went to relocate the zombies and ID them.

Unfortunately, as is often the case with zombies, some of
them were not carrying identification, and they were arrested and detained for
two days. Feeling that their first amendment rights had been violated. A judge
ruled in favor of the police, and the group of zombies appealed. The appellate
court has now ruled that the group had a right to express themselves, and that
the police did not clearly define the charge of disorderly conduct to suit the
situation. The plaintiffs are seeking $50,000 each for their ordeal, and the
City Attorney has stated that she is preparing for the battle, though she made
no mention of a cricket stick or a flamethrower.

The Star Tribune article states that the Minneapolis police
are not returning requests for comment on this story. I think it is safe to
speculate that this case may have been the reason I was unable to get a reply about
the city’s zombie preparedness when I was researching urban zombie response plans
last summer. However, it seems that much of the city is just fine with the idea
of zombies in their neighborhood.

Minneapolis has a thriving zombie scene, full of exciting
nightlife for the undead. In fact, the Zombie Pub Crawl originated there in
October of 2005, and last year’s event boasted upward of 6,000 “undead”
participants stumbling from bar to bar and imbibing spirits. Minneapolis is
also home to it’s own zombie theme bar, Donnie Dirk’s Zombie Den, where the
staff all dress as Shaun of the Dead and there is a chainsaw behind glass in
case of zombie emergencies. I tried to reach the proprietors, but apparently
the establishment is closed on Mondays. No doubt there will be plenty of
zombies enjoying the “happy horror” in weeks to come as this zombie victory is
celebrated.

(Art by Doug Savage.)

Events around and about tonight, March 2, 2010

  • He’s too humble to promote it himself, but our own Marc Alan Fishman will be performing at Stand-Up Comics, 3429 Ridge Road, Lansing, IL tonight at 8 PM. Ask him about the thing he does with the strawberry jam and the gargoyle statue.
  • And representing Brooklyn:

Stan’s Back! (Really!)

Savvy interweb surfer types may have noticed the viral campaign that hit the web last week; The stark white text on black background declaring that ‘Stan’s Back!”. Clicking it brought them no more information, rather, just a quick detour to a larger version of the ad. But, we here at ComicMix are glad to inform you just what’s going on.

Stan “The Man” Lee is returning to the industry he helped shape! That’s right. The creator of a few lesser known characters you may have heard of (The Incredible Hulk
ring a bell? No? The Fantastic Four? Still nothing? How about Spider-Man? The X-Men…?) is coming back to comics with a bang! Or more appropriatley… a BOOM! Stan Lee’s POW! (Purveyors of Wonder) Entertainment, Inc. has teamed up with Boom! Studios to announce the release of three superhero titles slated to hit stands later this year.

Word around the campfire is that the Incorruptable and Irredeemable Mark Waid will helm one book, with a promise of 2 more “A-Listers” to be brought on under Stan’s forthcoming imprint. Shortly after hearing that news, we had to catch our breath. When we got back to the campsite, the fire was already extinguished, and the supplies were gone. While this assured us that yes, Mark Waid is Evil… they were nice enough to leave a note on the ground that declared “More Information To Come Soon…”

Consider yourselves now in-the-know. Stay tuned for more edification.

DC Hauls Out Its Big (Legal) Gun Over Superman

In the never-ending battle with the Jerry Siegel estate over the rights and ownership of Superman, DC has fired its old law firm and replaced him with a big, scary guy.

Well, Warner Bros. did the hiring. DC no longer has any distance from their parent company and therefore no longer steers the ship.

The new guy is Daniel Petrocelli. With respect to the current Superman situation, this is the guy who hammered the estate of literary
agent
Stephen Slesinger on behalf of the Disney empire. Slesinger was the man who initially propelled Winnie the Pooh into the hearts and souls of Americans. Petrocelli got the suit tossed not on its merits but because the Slesingers’ lawyers illegally obtained documents by
trespassing on Disney property. Hey, a win’s a win.

Petrocelli is defending Jeffrey Skilling, the Enron CEO who was convicted of the massive swindle that cost so many Americans their life savings, their jobs, and/or their retirement. And by “convicted,” I mean the case is presently before the Supreme Court in an attempt to free the convict instead of letting him roast in a well-deserved living hell. But that’s just my opinion, and I like the guy’s brother.

This is not to say the Siegel estate doesn’t have its own heavy-hitter. Marc Toberoff, who already won some major innings in this particular dispute, is well-known in media circles and is also representing the Jack Kirby estate in a similar action against Marvel and their parent company, Marvel Comics. Toberoff’s involvement mitigates against the philosophy that Petrocelli was hired simply to intimidate the Siegel estate.

The people out of a job are the firm of Weissmann Wolff Bergman, who successfully defended DC Comics and our pals Timothy Truman and Joe R. Lansdale when the faded rock stars Johnny Winter and Edgar Winter gracelessly sued the bunch over a tribute in a Jonah Hex miniseries.

Who Watches The X-Men?

On the right, the well-known Watchmen icon. Trademarked and in use since 1986.

On the left, Marvel Comics’ ad for their new X-Men summer event, “We Are The X-Men.”

Coincidence? Really?

Worse still, if there are any walruses in the storyline, Marvel could have Yoko Ono up their ass.

Sidney the Great Meets Iron Mike

About seven minutes after Canada beat the United States for the Winter Olympics gold medal, I got a call from ComicMix‘s own utility infielder, Glenn Hauman.

“So are you going to write it up?” Glenn asks.

“Write WHAT up?” Mike responds.

“The Grell thing, Glenn responds.

“Damn. WHAT did Mike do NOW,” Mike queries, oblivious to the obvious while deep in the throws of mourning the
American’s having to settle for a mere silver medal.

“You know, that hockey thing.” Like most Americans, Glenn’s not much of a hockey fan. He didn’t even know that his local team, the New Jersey Devils, was beating the poo out of nearly every other NHL team this year except for my Chicago Blackhawks.

“WHAT hockey… oh, I get it.” The cold light of reality started seeping into my blackened brainpan; the first sign of recovery for a hockey fan. Or maybe it’s the first sign of soberness; I wouldn’t know.

It turns out a couple years ago I assisted Iron Mike in a special licensing project for the NHL turning a bunch of rookies and newbies into super-heroes. It was a lot of fun for me, but mostly because this time Mike was the one playing point with the licensee and I was simply “advising,” which is a euphemism for “consulting,” which is another word for “money for nothing and your chicks for free.” Mike did some great work on this series, and among the players so empowered was an astonishingly young phenom called Sidney Crosby.

Sidney, of course, went on to become one of the hottest players in the NHL and captain of the Pittsburgh Penguins. He also received the ultimate honor: I wear a Penguins t-shirt with his name and number on the back.

Sidney Crosby also scored the sudden death overtime goal last night that gave his homeland another gold medal for hockey. Quite aside from my genuinely patriotic fervor in my support of Team USA, it was an amazing goal and a well-earned victory.

And it teaches a lesson. See what happens when Mike Grell turns you into a super-hero?

The Point Radio: Uncle Andy Comes Out Of WEEDS

If you’re a fan of the Showtime series, WEEDS, did you know that good old “Uncle Andy” has all new webisodes running right now before Season Six gets underway? Justin Kirk joins us with all the scoop, plus who could EVER play Jim Rockford, or direct a FLASH movie or be Carly Simon’s secret 70s lover? We’ve got it all right here!


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