There’s nothing like reading a butt ton of Hollywood news in the morning. Nothing, that is, save for the smell of napalm. Variety and The Hollywood Reporter had their workshop elves up late last night as a whole slew of news pours in today. Because we love you, we’ve summed up the bigger points to make it easier on you fine folks. Feel free to send us baked goods in return.

• Steven Soderbergh will direct Cleo, a rock ‘n’ roll musical about the life of Cleopatra. Catherine Zeta Jones and Hugh Jackman are being courted to star as Cleopatra and Marc Antony respectively. Soderbergh and Zeta Jones have teamed up previously on Traffic, but this will be the director’s first pairing with Jackman who will appear in Baz Luhrmann’s upcoming musical epic Australia.

• An adaptation of Electronic Arts’ videogame Army of Two is setting up at Universal Pictures with Bourne Ultimatum co-writer Scott Z. Burns scripting. Variety mentions in its sub-headline that Peter Berg may direct, though there is no further mention of it in the article. Army of Two would add to his already busy film slate that includes Dune and Radical Studios’ Hercules. Universal, which has already acquired BioShock with Gore Verbinski, is looking at Army as a "buddy film."

• Believe it or not, Ripley’s Believe It or Not breathes new life this morning. Variety reports that Chris Columbus is in talks to direct the Jim Carrey film about columnist-explorer Robert Ripley. News comes in after Tim Burton’s China-based botched attempt in 2007. That storyline has been dropped in favor of Columbus’ pitch. Once his deal is closed, Paramount will hire a writer for the project with an eye at a 2011 release. It’s hoped that Ripley will spawn a franchise.

• Looks like The A-Team is in for a bumpy ride, as long attached director John Singleton has pulled away from the project. Originally set for a June 2009 release, Twentieth Century Fox now pegs the film for June 2010. No word on how casting will be affected, though Tyrese, oft rumored as B.A. Baracus, has close ties with Singleton, which could prove hopeful for Ice Cube advocates. Fox has also relocated Dwayne Johnson’s Tooth Fairy from June 2009 to November 2009, while Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel (no, we’re not kidding) is on track for Christmas Day 2009.

• Director McG will direct Dead Spy Running based on the upcoming spy novel by Jon Stock. The novel reportedly "aims to reinvent the spy genre," described as a mix of "The Bourne Identity with the works of John Le Carre." McG would direct at least the first installment in a planned trilogy and produce alongside Jeanne Allgood of Wonderland Sound and Vision. McG is in the midst of post-production work on Terminator Salvation.

• Crispin Glover will play the Knave of Hearts in Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland for Disney. The Knave is put on trial for stealing the Queen of Hearts’ tarts and is is defended by Alice. The actor joins Mia Wasikowska, Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter on the Lewis Carroll adaptaion. This will be Glover’s second experience with performance-capture technology, the first being Robert Zemeckis’s Beowulf.

• In HBO news, Gary Cole joins the cast of Entourage as Hollywood agent Andrew Klein, Ari Gold’s (Jeremy Piven) oldest friend. Cole will first appear in a three-episode arc in the currently airing fifth season, then return as a series regular for next summer’s sixth season. Klein could step in as Vinnie Chase’s new agent, as the foul-mouthed Gold was offered a studio executive position in the series’ most recent episode. The news comes one day after Variety announced a seventh season of Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, also on HBO. Curb is HBO’s longest running series.

Aaaaaand we’re spent.

As reported yesterday, Sam Raimi has abandoned beloved Tom Clancy icon Jack Ryan. The director was attached to reboot the Ryan franchise, but had to bow out to focus on his upcoming Spider-Man sequels.

"Because I’m committed to Spider-Man and making that picture," said Raimi, "I think it’s going to knock me out of the running for the Jack Ryan picture."

Luckily for the spy thriller hero, Raimi’s departure doesn’t necessitate a bullet in the back of Ryan’s brain. According to Moviehole, there are still active plans to launch a reboot. In fact, with Raimi officially off the project, it looks like Ryan will grace the big screen sooner than expected.

"Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Mace Neufeld have been rehired by Paramount as producers on the franchise, with a mandate to come up with a Jack Ryan original ASAP," a source close to Paramount tells the Web site. By Any Means Necessary, the film Raimi planned to reboot the Jack Ryan character, "has been abandoned."

di Bonaventura (Transformers) was previously involved with By Any Means Necessary. Neufeld, meanwhile, has produced every Ryan installment to date from The Hunt for Red October to The Sum of All Fears. He’s overseen three different actors portray the role of Jack Ryan: Alec Baldwin (The Hunt for Red October), Harrison Ford (Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger) and Ben Affleck (The Sum of All Fears). Moviehole wants Harrison Ford to return to the franchise, which is a possibility as the film "may feature an ‘older’ Ryan as opposed to a younger version." It’d be cool to have Ford back in the series, but that would leave Liev Schrieber, who played a younger version of Ryan’s CIA operative pall John Clark in Sum of All Fears. Schrieber was one of the few excellent elements of that film. Willem Dafoe played the role in Clear and Present Danger.

Jack Ryan first appeared in Tom Clancy’s novel The Hunt for Red October in 1984. Since then, he’s elevated from lowly CIA operative to National Security Advisor. In Debt of Honor, Ryan is tapped for the Office of Vice President and is later elevated to the Presidency after his predecessor is assassinated. In the Clancy universe, Ryan is currently retired.

It’s not easy being green, but it’s even less easy being a movie based on a video game. Such films have a notoriously bad track record, with very few getting passing grades. (Silent Hill comes to mind, and even then, just barely.) Certainly, the Jean-Claude Van Damme starring Street Fighter didn’t wow anybody. If it did, it was more of a "Wow, I can’t believe this is Raul Julia’s last film. Poor guy."

The franchise will take a shot at redemption with the upcoming Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. The film, starring Kristen Kreuk (Smallville) as Chun Li, is poised to be the one to finally break tradition as a successful video game adaptation. That is, of course, if producer Ashok Amritraj is to be believed.

"Video games are not easy to translate into movies obviously," Armritraj tells Collider in an exclusive interview. "But it’s a double-edged sword.  On the one-hand you have a wonderful awareness and built-in audience, which is very important these days with the crowded market place.  On the other hand, you have to make sure you please your core audience and it’s not always easy to do."

But there’s confidence that Chun Li will be the film to finally get it right.

"I really think we have a good film," he says. "[Kristin Kreuk’s] absolutely terrific in the film … and we feel it works." (more…)

Synopsis

A father, concerned for his autistic daughter’s health, sees her immediate removal from the hospital as her only option. An elevator break-down prevents a smooth exit and renders them trapped with others. This is only the beginning of their descent into hell. When the doors finally open, the hospital appears mysteriously deserted. As mutilated bodies are found, creatures from a dark world start a frightening attack. It soon becomes clear that the survival of the group may rest solely on the little girl.

Lowdown

The one thing that needs to be known before watching [[[Dark Floors]]] is that this film is primarily a showcase for the Finnish metal band Lordi. Those unfamiliar with the band should consider them like Rob Zombie meets [[[GWAR]]]. The international subtitle for the film is even “[[[The Lordi Motion Picture]]]”. The band, along with the leader Mr. Lordi, came up with the idea for the film, and star as all of the “monsters” in the film (in quotes because if you see a picture of the band, you know that this is what they normally look like, professional makeup and all). The members of the band are essentially playing themselves in the film. This film is to the members of Lordi like Moonwalker is to Michael Jackson, without anybody turning into a car. Sadly, this is probably the coolest part of the film. The plot takes itself a little too seriously, and with a weak and confusing resolution at the end, it really should have just been about the band members.

The effects are pretty well done, and just about on-par with a music video, which makes sense, seeing as how the director has also directed all of Lordi’s videos. The film is currently the most expensive movie made in Finland, weighing in at 300,000 Euros (which is about $390k). The monster makeup is great, but if you ever seen images of the band itself, this is pretty much how they look 24/7. Not knowing that the film is about the band makes for a confusing ride. You’ll find yourself asking why the monster has a goatee and dressed like Meatloaf circa 1984.

Being written by a Finnish metal band and directed by a Finnish director makes it pretty hard to take place in the United States. The leads of Noah Huntley ([[[28 Days Later]) and Dominique McElligott are both from the UK and they begin to lose their American accent about halfway through the film. The brooding band members do a great job brooding and Skye Bennett does a great job as the precognitive-but-creepy little girl, Sarah.

The fact that the film takes itself serious while the primary antagonists are members of a metal band should show how campy the movie is overall. If you are in on the joke of this film, it can be pretty funny, like “Hey look, the guitarist is chasing that lady down a hallway, he must be terrible!”. So beware: if you watch this film without that knowledge, you may fall into the trap of taking it too seriously.

Overall, the film looks gorgeous and will keep you entertained with a “time loop” plot twist. Though the main plot comes off as a little pretentious, the fact is that this is essentially from the mind of a Finnish metal band about the characters they portray, so you’ll be scared as much as you’d laugh if it where the Hall & Oats chasing you around an abandoned hospital.

Scare Factor: 3/4

Overall Rating: 6/10

In a somewhat unique manner, BOOM! Studios cofounder Andrew Cosby took to <a href=”

to announce that the Sci Fi series Eureka will become their latest title. The comic adventures will be co-written by Crosby, who created the series, and Brendan Hay (The Daily Show) with art by Diego Barreto, son of DC mainstay Eduardo Barreto.

 "I see this as Season 1.5," Cosby says on the video. The story will fill in gaps between the first and second season and be considered part of the show’s mythology.

The first issue will be out in December with a covers by J.K. Woodward (Fallen Angel).

Eureka debuted on the Sci Fi Channel in 2006 and was a ratings and critical hit.  The first two seasons are currently available on DVDThe third season will comprise 21 episodes and began airing July 29.  In August, a soundtrack album was released.

I love comic books. I like to sit down and just read and read. Forget my troubles, forget my work grab some old Kirby forth world books, don’t answer the phone, don’t return texts, don’t return emails just read.

No, really. I’m sick as in I have or I’m getting the flu, not the I want to smear baby oil and bananas all over an cute Asian girl her while pretending to be Chuck Conners from the old Rifleman TV show so I can here the Asian girl yell, “Chuck me Chuck, CHUCK ME LONG TIME!” kind of sick.

Yeah, I’m sick. I got up at 5 a.m. Monday morning and stayed awake until Wednesday afternoon. Some of that time I spent getting ready for a London trip, trust me you would NOT believe what I spent the rest of the time doing. In any case I’m now very sick and writing this under the influence of some real good drugs, some of which are legal.

Being sick is the only real time I have these days to read any comics. When I’m sick I also daydream. I daydream about the projects I’m doing, I daydream about how cool my studio is, how much fun I’m having writing and drawing the Underground the project I’m doing with Dark Horse. I daydream about The Moors the project I’m developing and writing with Denys Cowan. I daydream about the two books I’m writing about the black experience.

“So, what’s your name?” I asked the pretty Asian girl with the long black hair which flowed like a dark river of lust. She looked at me, those eyes as clear as a bright moon over the sea of love. “I’m Susie Dome.” She said. “It’s pronounced, DO ME.”

Sorry, that’s not a daydream, that really happened. Hey, don’t hate the playa; hate the game fellers, that’s how I roll.

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