MICHAEL DAVIS: The Fanboy Guide to Girls • Part 1
Wow, the site looks great! I really like those drawing of the columnists that…oh, they’re not there. Well I’m sure if there was an issue, the artist (who knocked himself out taking time out of his VERY busy schedule to draw them, sorry I mean the award winning artist who wrote the curriculum for the Museum of Modern Art’s art school) would have been told before he looked at the site and saw they were not there.
I’m sure of that.
Sorry. As Peter David would say, I digress. This column is about girls!
Girls, Girls, Girls!
When it comes to girls we comic book, movie, TV, video game and toy fans have been labeled geeks, nerds, losers, and fanboys – to name a choice few. In most popular culture fair we are often portrayed as the hapless idiot who has no idea how to talk to girls.
Sadly, this is true.
We are those geeks, nerds, losers, and fanboys that people think we are. Well, I’m not, I picked up girls like they were lint and I was a dust buster. You know why? Because I’m FUNNY! Look, you may not think I’m funny, but I am funny! How do I know that I’m funny? Because I’m paid to be funny!
I have written funny TV shows, funny comics, and funny columns. So if someone writes YOU a check for being thin even if strangers come up to you on the street and scream “Have you called Jenny yet?” then you are thin.
And even if nobody wrote me a check, I would still be funny! Not in a Brokeback way, but in a ha ha kind of way.
See? That was funny!
Not as funny as not telling the artist who broke his back working with horrible photos to help develop a new look for a website and not telling him that there was an issue (the same artist who has a building named after him at a magnet school of the arts) no, not, that funny. But it was funny!
A sense of humor is sooo important with chicks! The problem with some of us (read: YOU) is that what you think is funny requires background information for it to be funny.
Consider this, that girl you are talking to (trying to talk to) may not get that Halo 3 joke you just told her. That blank stare you are getting is a good indication that she does not get the joke or get you. It’s possible that the young lady doesn’t have Halo 3. It’s possible (sit down this may floor you) it’s possible they may have never heard of Halo 3.

Ever think that there are at least parts of your life that would make an interesting comic? Artist Kurt Dinse did and from there he added a little drama and created One Year In Indiana, an intriguing indy comic spotlighted today on THE BIG BROADCAST!
Nikki Finke
Here’s a comic book so big it makes those old tabloid editions (
There are ways of getting ComicMix E-I-C Mike Gold to do what you want. Most of them involve barbeque. It has to be good barbeque, mind you, and we’re talking beef rather than pork. Smoky brisket, a sharp sauce, maybe some hushpuppies (forget the cole slaw), fries, and a coke – get these into him and he becomes remarkably malleable.

The summer of 2007 is well and truly behind us now. The regular baseball season has wrapped, culminating in the promise of the playoffs and World Series, new network TV shows have debuted and returned, and October ushers in a new era for many of us. For ComicMix it means Phase II, the actual raison d’etre for this site (and I’m psyched to be sharing Wednesdays with EZ Street). For me it signals an imminent lifestyle change as the day job I’ve held for the last ten years is about to disappear, a part of my life destined to become an unpleasant memory in the very near future.
