Here’s the story – apocryphal, unsubstantiated, and questionable as it is.

Quentin Tarantino announces he’s going to make the ultimate exploitation flick – a quintessential slasher movie (i.e., with a gruesome death every seven minutes), only with cars instead of knives. Not only that, but he’s going to return Kurt Russell to the pantheon of screen badasses in the process.

However, somewhere along the way, someone supposedly turned down the vaunted director/writer’s advances with a statement along the lines of: “No way. I can see by your movies that you have no sensitivity towards, nor understand, women.”

Tarantino’s rumored reaction is the new, “improved” vision of his loving exploitation “homage” – Death Proof, which was his anchor of Grindhouse – the anthology film buoyed by Robert Rodriquez’s far more spirited contribution, Planet of Terror. But the woeful box office receipts necessitated a rethink, so only Death Proof came out this week as an “Extended and Unrated” DVD Special Edition.

Having been shocked and amazed by the original butt-numbing theatrical version, I approached this DVD with extreme caution – hoping that I would be pleasantly surprised, but fairly certain that my worst fears would be realized. For you see, Death Proof was, and, it turns out, still is, two films in one. A half hour kick-ass revenge thriller, and, in its original theatrical form, a one hour off-Broadway play which could’ve been called Four Chicks Sitting ‘Round Yakkin’ ‘Bout Nothin’.

Now, you’ll be relieved to note, the DVD is still two films in one – a half hour kick-ass revenge thriller, an integral, ten minute lap dance sequence inexplicably omitted from the original film, and, an off-Broadway play called Four Chicks Sitting ‘Round Yakkin’ ‘Bout Nothin’ for a Full 80 Minutes!

Yes, rather than be true to his pre-release publicity, Tarantino has added not more slasher car scenes, not more badass Russell sequences, but more talking … about nothing … that has no relation to the stated purposes of a film called Grindhouse other than showing the rumored rejector that boy, Tarantino sure understands and appreciates women in spades!

As author of the book For One Week Only: The World of Exploitation Films, I was a bit, shall we say, miffed by the writer/director’s cavalier treatment of the genre, although I certainly appreciated his half-hour of valid homage, despite the labored way he set up the situations. It was all the more annoying since he had the makings of a sweet stuntman vs. stuntman thriller in there, but it, like almost anything else legitimately entertaining, was swept away in his desire to show anyone who’d deny him that he adores every word he can put in any woman’s mouth.

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While Mike Gold shared the news about the honest-to-goodness JLA movie, another project was also announced yesterday.

Dimension Films will be producing the inevitable spoof entitled, what else, Superhero. The casting has been completed with filming about to begin and a March 28, 2008 release date set.

The film features perennial spoof master Leslie Neilsen, in addition to Brent Spiner (Star Trek: The Next Generation), Marion Ross (Happy Days), the amazing Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development), Drake Bell (High Fidelity), Sara Paxton (Sydney White), Christopher McDonald (Fanboys), Kevin Hart (Scary Movie 4), and Ryan Hansen (Veronica Mars).  The satire will be written and directed by Craig Mazin (Scary Movie 3 and 4).

Of course, Mystery Men was a wonderful superhero spoof ahead of its time, so we’ll reserve judgment until next spring.