I guess that now we know because – correct me if I’m wrong – last Tuesday we were all hunkered down in front of our television sets watching the latest addition to broadcast video’s superhero pantheon acquire his powers. ‘T’was lightning mixed with some other stuff that made the Flash the Flash.
Can we all just relax a bit?
We seem to have a need to know from whence we came, we noble mortals. Most of the word’s religions/mythologies have an “in the beginning” chapter and, funny thing, it doesn’t seem to matter much what the particulars of those creation myths are. A bird brings up a speck of mud from deep in a primordial ocean and that morphs into our planet; the earth emerging from the cracking of a cosmic egg; the dismemberment of a primordial being whose body parts become flora and fauna…and on and on and on. These tales and many, many more have all, at one time or another, sufficed to answer the question of our Beginnings. We seem to want to know our heroes’ origins, too, and so “origin stories” have been staples of comic books (which are what we’re concerned with here) from the first pages of the first appearance of the first mega-popular superhero and of course we could mean none other than Superman. That origin, as movie producer Michael Uslan pointed out decades ago, is quite similar to a story found in the Bible, and you can take that anywhere you want it to go.
Where were we? Ah, I remember: flashing.
The creators of the program under discussion chose to use science to explain how Barry Allen can move so darn fast. Nothing new: there have been four comic book iterations of The Scarlet Speedster and all owe their special traits to science… or maybe we should make that “science.” Briefly: Jay Garrick inhaled hard water vapors to acquire his power; Bart Allen got his after a sojourn in a time machine; Barry Allen and Wally West got their superspeed after being near a lightning bolt that struck some lab chemicals in two separate incidents. (And hey, you carpers – the word “coincidence” exists for a reason.) The teevee folk chose a variation of the Allen-West scenario.
There are, of course, other comics heroes who owe their uniqueness to “science” – we’re not forgetting The Hulk’s exposure to gamma rays, The Fantastic Four’s being zapped with cosmic rays, Spider Man’s encounter with a radio active spider and if you’ve a mind to, you can add your own favorites to the list, but I want to get back to the Flash.
If comics had existed before, oh, say, the Renaissance, our heroes powers would probably been explained by magic because, although science – without the quotation marks – existed back then, I doubt that the varlet on the street thought of it when he considered the miraculous. Magic, or contact with the Almighty, were what caused miracles to happen. Label something magic and… case closed. “Science” served the same purpose for comics (and pulp) writers. As suggested above, we mostly don’t care about the particulars of our origin stories, we just want them to exist.
Then: abracadabra. Now: quantum physics.
As for that label we use to explain the marvelous…we have to be careful if we plan to call it bogus. The nifty – and frustrating – thing about scientists is that they’re never absolutely sure of anything. They always allow for the possibility that they’re mistaken, that something will happen tomorrow that will completely invalidate what they “know.” Radioactive spider? Wellll…
Right now, the pop media is full of stories about how Robert Downey Jr. is about to sign on to Captain America 3. Evidently, the only thing holding up the deal was his amount of screentime: he wanted more. He really wants this to be a true Marvel-style crossover, ushering in the Cinematic Universe’s adaptation of the first Civil War storyline.
I think Downey has a very strong understanding of how the Marvel Universe works, and how to bring that over to the movies. This crossover flies in the face of the movie star image: he’s fighting hard to be the second banana in a movie titled after somebody else. It’s hard to imagine Al Jolson doing that.
O.K. He gets it. Other than making a potentially fun movie happen, how does that affect us?
Well, for me and hundreds – now, maybe, thousands – it protects our jobs. This, in turn, protects the future of the comics medium in America.
Prior to Iron Man 1, the comics business was on the ropes and heading into the worst economic crisis we have seen since The Great Depression of 1929 – 1941. Then this particular movie, starring a number of actors who really were no longer “A Listers” at that time and featuring a property that was hard-pressed to be considered a “B Lister,” was unleashed on a world in need of some high-quality diversion. And the comics business has never been the same.
Let’s face it: the profits of even one well-received movie can eclipse the profits made by that property in its entire history of publishing. Fine. Something’s got to provide fuel for the engine, and shoveling in flatcars full of money usually works.
Lots of such movies started being made, and most of those produced by Marvel Studios made just unbelievable amounts of cash. Some of the others didn’t do badly either, although Batman has its own momentum and Superman has been treated like a leper. And, now, Batman has to bail out the Superman franchise.
A year after Iron Man’s release, Disney bought Marvel Comics for a mere four billion bucks. That’s not publishing money, that’s not even movie money. That’s movie-and-licensing-for-movies-and-television-and-new-media money. Yep, that’s Steve Jobs’ face on the one billion dollar bill.
Only one month later, Warner Bros. took control of DC Comics, renaming it DC Entertainment in a fit of reality. They started measures to move the company to the left coast, a process to be completed sometime in late spring.
Whereas I’m not crazy about Hollywood running a marginal industry that it (and most MBAs) does not understand and wouldn’t believe if they did, it beats oblivion. And let’s face it, you cannot keep your stockholders happy with profits that would barely impress even the most conservative investor.
And we owe it all to Robert Downey Jr. His performance was electrifying, akin to Orson Welles’ Harry Lime. We wanted to see more, and by “we” I mean moviegoers, not just the ever-tightening circle of comics fans. Iron Man probably would have been a fine movie without him, but with him we were able to root for the previously-troubled actor at the same time as we were rooting for his character.
So, Mr. Downey, on behalf of the Greater Comic Book Community, I thank you for helping keep our jobs alive.
This new season of ARROW promises a major thrill ride for characters on the show and fans as well. We talk to the creators and cast who reveal a few secrets on what’s to come (i.e. Black Canary dead or ??). Plus comedian Adam Ferrara is in the driver’s seat for another season of TOP GEAR and he shares with us just how deep his passion for cars really runs.
Dragon Con is always a blast (and a place where many photos are taken. Check out those taken by ComicMix photographer Jason Ward and me here). The first thing I have to mention is my favorite part of this year’s Dragon Con, and that was spending time with several excellent friends, and particularly with a couple of friends who’d never experienced Dragon Con (or any con, in Cleolinda’s case) before. Getting to experience the fun with them while they took it in for the first time, and then declared that they’d definitely like to come back next year, just made everything that much better for me. I can’t even really express how cool it was to see friends getting to fully be themselves as they enjoyed the con geekery. But let me assure you: it was very cool!
It was also cool this year to have the experience of being on a panel. I got invited to sit on a panel on journalism and sci-fi (and by extension, the larger geek and con world), and it turned out to be a really deep discussion, with great audience questions and different but complimentary points of view from the panelists. Topics discussed included everything from how the larger journalistic world sees reporting on “geek” topics, to how to cover the darker aspects of comic cons and geek culture (like sexism and harassment). A great learning experience on my side (as well as, I hope, the audience’s) and one I’d love to have again. Thanks, Dragon Con, for having me on a panel!
And of course, what kind of reporter would I be if I didn’t cover some of the amazing guests they have at Dragon Con? As I mentioned in my previous column, I have great interviews to share. So check out my interview with the cast of Arrow here, and watch Paul Blackthorne (Quentin Lance), Caity Lotz (Sara Lance), and Katrina Law (Nyssa al Ghul) as they discuss the journey of Detective Lance’s character, the Lance family dynamic (past and present), the interesting audition processes for Lotz and Law, the experiences of bringing their characters from comics to the screen, the nuanced roles of female characters on the show; and more.
And then you can follow that up by watching a lovely chat with Mary McDonnell as she discusses her involvement with Indian culture and charity work with Sinte Gleska University, the development of her character on Major Crimes, the amazing set of Battlestar Galactica and what she misses about the show, who she would choose to cosplay, and the experience of appearing on Grey’s Anatomy as a heart surgeon with Asperger’s.
And stay tuned for next week, when I’ll be sharing my exclusive Dragon Con one-on-one interview with Bill Farmer, a.k.a. the voice of Disney’s Goofy!
Baltimore Comic Con
As I’ve said before, I cherish Baltimore Comic Con for being a con that truly focuses on comics and their creators. It’s a great place to go and talk to the creators of some of the best comics out there, to see (and possibly buy) great comics art, and, of course, to honor creators who have been nominated for one of the top sets of awards in the industry, the Harvey Awards. This year’s Harvey Awards banquet was exceptional. Michael Uslan, possibly best known as producer of the Batman movies (and also, incidentally, a native of New Jersey and alumnus of Indiana University – Bloomington, just like me!), hosted with geeky aplomb, Gail Simone, one of the best writers in the industry, was great as the keynote speaker, and Vivek Tiwary, author of The Fifth Beatle and winner of two Harvey Awards for the work, charmed everyone with his impassioned and joyous acceptance speeches for both awards. My congratulations go out to all of the Harvey Awards-winners, and although I didn’t manage to get many pictures of the dinner itself (the lighting is always so dim!) you can check out our general Baltimore Comic Con pics here.
Whew! And that’s all for me this week, folks, so until next time, Servo Lectio!
I can’t believe Dracula Untold got made. It’s an amazing jumble of nonsensical film parts that I can only believe the pitch meeting between screenwriters Matt Sazama and Burk Sharpless and the development executive at Universal went something like this:
Matt: So, we want to make a Dracula movie that tells the origin story of the most famous vampire in the world.
Executive: Great! Universal has a rich history of making horror movies with iconic characters like this. We’d love to get in the business of making a good horror movie to rescue vampires from being such a punch line in chick lit.
Burk: Oh, no, this isn’t a horror movie. It’s going to be more like the 300 movies. It’ll be a dark atmosphere-y old war movie like that.
Executive: That sounds good too. A brave town hunkering down as they have to defend themselves from the unspeakable horror of the first ever vampire. I still like it a lot.
Matt: Dracula is going to be the good guy in this movie. He’s going to fight the army of the Ottoman Empire.
Executive: Ok, I guess anti-heroes have always done good business and having him fight against a giant army might be interesting. We’ve seen vampires overwhelm individuals but an army of thousands of people might pose an interesting challenge.
Burk: He’s going to kill thousands of people effortlessly in seconds, there won’t be a moment in the film where you believe that anyone is a legitimate challenge to Dracula’s power.
Executive: Well…that’s an interesting way to handle conflict. I think I can still greenlight this movie, if we drop it in October no one will notice it isn’t a scary movie until we already have a lot of their money. Can you at least make a bunch of scenes that feel like they come straight out of Game of Thrones?
Matt: Absolutely, we even already have Charles “Tywin Lannister” Dance himself already attached.
Executive: Great! Is $70 million enough to get this movie in to theaters?
Suffice to say this didn’t produce a great movie. All origin movies have to deal with a certain feeling of inevitability but the good ones manage to do things that shine a new light on the stores we’ve heard a million times. Dracula Untold decides to tell us the parts of the story no one ever cared enough about to ask. I’m not in to Dracula movies to see Dracula care about his family or struggle with the burden of ruling Transylvania. I want to see vampire stuff, victims being stalked and seduced and the like. Dracula Untold gives that to me in the last three minutes of the movie. It’s like making a Superman movie where he doesn’t save Lois Lane until the end credits are rolling. There are a lot of movies this could have been and some of them might have even been satisfying but this was a terrible vampire movie and I would call it a disgrace to the name Dracula but I’ve seen Dracula 2000.
In the better late than never department, Warner Home Entertainment is celebrating Batman’s 75th Anniversary with a variety of releases and just in the nick of time for the holidays comes a new edition of the 1989 Tim Burton adaptation that can arguably be said for kickstarting the current generation of super-hero films.
Burbank, Calif., August 14, 2014 – To help mark Warner Bros. Entertainment (WBE) and DC Entertainment’s milestone 75th anniversary of DC Comics’ popular Batman character, Warner Bros. Home Entertainment (WBHE) will release Batman 25th Anniversary Two-Disc Edition, a new Blu-ray™ edition debuting December 9 (at
$24.98 SRP) in the studio’s distinctive new sleek Diamond Luxe collector-style packaging. With its state-of-the-art sophisticated and durable design, the new packaging is perfect for those wishing to add this edition to their home libraries. Also included is Batman: The Birth of the Modern Blockbuster — a look at the phenomenal marketing, extensive merchandising and franchise foresight that set the template for the next 25 years of tentpole pictures. WBHE and DCE’s year-long celebration, befitting the world’s most popular super-hero, will boast new products from WBE and DC Entertainment in numerous areas – comics,
TV, Interactive Entertainment, Consumer Products and more. There is a new commemorative 75th anniversary Batman logo and an exclusive “Cape/Cowl/Create” art exhibit, featuring 20 contemporary artists’ interpretations of The Dark Knight’s iconic
cowl headpiece and cape from the new Batman: Arkham Knight video game. Various other events are taking place throughout the year.
In addition to releasing Batman 25th Anniversary Two-Disc Edition, WBHE will also feature the highly anticipated release of the 1960s Batman: The Complete Television Series for the first time ever. Other new home entertainment releases include animated films Son of Batman and Batman: Assault on Arkham.
In announcing the Batman 75th anniversary initiative in March, WB Chairman and Chief Executive Kevin Tsujihara noted, Batman is an incredibly important property with multi-generational appeal across all of the studio’s businesses and we’re proud to celebrate this milestone anniversary. From billion-dollar blockbuster films to TV, home entertainment, video games and consumer products, The Dark Knight continues to resonate with audiences worldwide and rightfully deserves his place as a global pop culture icon for the ages.”
About the Movie
In 1989, director Tim Burton breathed new life into one of the most complex and intriguing characters in popular culture. Burton cast off the 1960s camp depiction of the Dark Knight and launched for Warner Bros. one of the most popular comic book film series ever. Batman was the top-grossing movie that year and subsequently became a global phenomenon. Tim Burton’s vision and Michael Keaton’s performance as the Caped Crusader combine perfectly to capture Gotham City’s sinister atmosphere and Batman’s brooding nature. Jack Nicholson stars in a memorable performance as the maniacal Joker and Kim Basinger is Vicki Vale, the beautiful and resourceful photojournalist desired by both men.
Special Features
• Batman: The Birth of the Modern Blockbuster (NEW) Discover how the film’s phenomenal marketing, extensive merchandising and franchise foresight set the template for the next 25 years of tentpole pictures.
There’s one of two things you can be almost guaranteed of when you see a story that takes place on a train – romance, or a murder.
MUMMY ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS
By Jamie Mathieson
Directed by Paul Wilmshurst
As a farewell fling, The Doctor takes Clara on a trip aboard the Orient Express in space, exactingly copied from the original, except for the bit about being spaceworthy. It becomes quickly apparent that all is not well on the craft – a mysterious unseen beast is killing people exactly 66 seconds after the victim sees it – and no one else does. It turns out this particular journey is a massive two-fold trap – the ship is filled with scientists versed in areas of research that pertain to the beast, and are pressed into service to capture it, by any means necessary.
The Doctor quickly joins the press gang, understanding that the only way to gain data is to have the next victim detail as much as they can before they are killed. Clara does not take well to this process, but when she is asked to bring to him the person they predict to be the next victim, she does what all The Doctor’s friends do – what she’s told.
A tight thriller with a new look at a classic monster, with a massively emotional line running through the story, resulting in one of the most naked-baring dialogue at the end ever seen. The new season of the series of amazingly dark, especially in the analysis of the relationship between The Doctor and his friends. By story’s end, we realize Clara has been doing something all season, and is totally at peace with it – lying.
GUEST STAR REPORT – It’s an interesting week, with only one exception, the entire major guest cast has appeared on Doctor Who in one form or another in the past, including the audio plays.
Frank Skinner (Perkins) is a well-known stand-up comic, TV presenter, and regular on Britain’s massive number of panel shows like QI and Have I Got News For You. A long-time fan of Doctor Who, he’s been campaigning for a role on the show since its inception. He had a cameo in The Five(ish) Doctors Reboot as a Dalek operator. He’s also a major fan of British music hall legend George Formby, and <a href=”
target=”_blank”>hosted a documentary about the man in 2011.
Foxes (lounge singer) is a pop singer making quite a name for herself in the UK with her experimental style electronic pop. She appeared on the song “Clarify” by Zedd, which won the 2014 Grammy for Best Dance Recording. Her latest album, Glorious”, came out in February to positive reviews.
David Bamber (Captain Quell) appeared with David Walliams and Mark Williams in the adaptation of P.G. Wodehouse’s Blandings, and in the recent project by the two thirds of the League of Gentlemen who aren’t Mark Gatiss, Psychoville.
Christopher Villiers (Professor Moorhouse) is one of a pair of Who-lumni this episode, appearing in The King’s Demons from the original series. He played Sir Kay in First Knight, and a favorite in our house Nigel in Top Secret! (“How do we know he’s NOT Mel Torme?”)
Janet Henfrey (Mrs. Pitt) Last appeared in Doctor Who as Miss Hardaker in The Curse of Fenric. She had a part in the revamped version of Randall and Hopkirk (deceased), a show that featured the work of a large number of people who went on to work on Doctor Who. She’ll next appear with matt Smith in the film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (and Zombies).
John Sessions (Gus) was a regular panelist on the original British version of Whose Line is it Anyway, and is a recurring guest on QI. He’s done quite a lot of voice work for Doctor Who, in the Big Finish audio plays and the webcast Death Comes to Time. He’ll be playing Hunpty Dumpty in the upcoming Alice in Wonderland sequel. He joins a growing number of well-known actors to lend their voice only to the series.
THE MONSTER FILES – The Foretold is a wonderful example of taking a classic monster and giving it a modern sci-fi twist. The Doctor has seen his share of Mummies in the past. The Osiran race took up residence on Mars (a very popular planet in the series’ history) and influenced the growth of Egyptian culture, an influence that attempted to make a jump to the present in Pyramids of Mars. We’ve seen other classic Universal monsters as well – werewolves in Victorian England (Tooth and Claw) alien races who were quite pleasant when they weren’t in their alternate form (The Greatest Show in the Galaxy) and various other wolf-like transformations like from Inferno and Planet of Evil. He even met Frankenstein’s Monsters, albeit only an android copy, in a disused fun fair during The Chase.
BACKGROUND BITS AND BOBS –
KILL THE QUEEN! – The lounge singer performing what is by now a centuries old song (<a href=”
target=”_blank”>”Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen) which is certainly supposed to represent the contemporary music of the period of the original Orient Express is a callback to Lady Cassandra playing a “traditional ballad” during The End of the World, namely Britney Spears’ “Toxic”.
BOW TIES ARE…WELL… – The Doctor is wearing a bow tie again, but it’s the style he wore back in the Hartnell years, keeping with the style of dress he’s been wearing all season.
WOULD YOU LIKE A… – Eschewing the traditional rumpled paper bag, The Doctor now carries his Jelly Babies in a dashing cigarette case. That’s not the only Tom Baker reference in the episode – when The Doctor has the conversation with himself, his “other voice” takes on just a tinge of the booming tone of the fourth Doctor.
HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH? – The Doctor can go without oxygen for quite some time, thanks to the Gallifreyan respiratory bypass system, first referenced in the Tom Baker adventure The Ark in Space.
“It’s a sad smile, it’s two emotions at once” – The Doctor once admitted to be confused at “happy crying” in the company of the Ponds. He’s had trouble understanding Human emotion in the past, he’s just made more of a career of it this season.
“The number of evil twice over” – While most modern people acquaint 666 with evil, 33 appears in a number of religious doctrines, and pops up in an interesting number of coincidental places in a plurality of schools of knowledge. This website lists a great deal of them.
“It’s full of…bubble wrap” – Bubble wrap has a long association with the series, usually as a material for making monsters and sets. Most famously it made up much of the skin of the growing Wirrn creatures in The Ark In Space.
“Even the smallest details might help us save the next one” – Once again, we’re seeing The Doctor having no remorse of sadness for someone’s passing, wishing only to use them as a tool to solve a larger problem. It’s what Clara assumes he’ll do to Maisie later in the story.
“Are you my mummy?” – I honestly thought they might choose not to go with this line. A reference to the Eccleston thriller The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances, he made a similar joke while wearing a gas mask in The Poison Sky.
“That job could change a man” – Perkins was referring to how travelling like that could change passengers in the TARDIS, and The Doctor was referring to himself. Both are correct.
BIG BAD WOLF REPORT – Danny is only heard from via the phone, but once again, his and Clara’s relationship are where the big moves in the narrative take place. While there’s still a dangling mystery as to the identity of Gus, there’s no being sure that he’s working with Missy, Queen of Heaven.
“He even phoned the TARDIS” – The Doctor got a call at the end of The Big Bang about an incident on the Orient Express In Space. The details were a bit off from what we’re seeing here, but the point it clear – Gus has been trying to get The Doctor’s attention to solve this problem for a very long time, and is fully aware of who he is. We’ve had mention of the difficulty of getting the number to the TARDIS already, so this person has access to very secret information.
“But thanks for lying” – It’s the second line spoken by The Doctor in the episode – and it’s the main theme of the episode. It’s spoken about, referred to, and joked about right through to the end of the story. Maisie accuses The Doctor of lying as soon as she hears the first thing out of his mouth, The Doctor Lies about why he asks Clara to eventually actually lie to Maisie. The Doctor claims he’s lying about getting everyone way safely, but he’s lying about that. And at the end, Clara flat out lies to The Doctor about her turnaround about travelling with him, which means she will go right on lying to Danny about not doing it anymore.
“I am so sorry”– It’s key to note that now it’d The Doctor’s companion who is doing the apologizing, what Ten used to do so often it became a meme.
“So you were pretending to be heartless” – There such amazing levels going on in these final scenes. The Doctor has clearly gotten more brunt in his attitude, using dying people as stepping stones to a solution. But in the next moment we learn something important – for a guy who claims to be terrible with names, he remembers the name of each person he couldn’t same. He’s still keeping count, even through he’s hiding it better than ever.
“Is it like…an addiction?” – Let’s analyze Clara’s behavior throughout the season. She’s keeps trying to convince herself that she can “handle it”. She attempts to restrict her access by only doing it occasionally. She puts herself in danger to get what she wants. She lies to those she loves about what she’s doing, and after swearing this is the last time, she decides it’s not. So…you tell me; how good is her analysis?
NEXT ON DOCTOR WHO! Experimentation by an unknown alien source is leaving some people feeling a little…Oh, I just can’t DO it!. Flatline, coming this Saturday.
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I’m afraid you’ll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.
Homer: Say it in English, Doc.
Dr. Hibbert: You’re going to need open heart surgery.
Homer: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo.
Dr. Hibbert: We’re going to cut you open, and tinker with your ticker.
Homer: Could you dumb it down a shade?
– Homer’s Triple Bypass, The Simpsons, December 17, 1992
Well, John, you described the medical procedures you’ve had very well. In fact, I couldn’t have done better myself! I especially loved your description of the catheter bag; if you don’t mind, I’m gonna start calling it a “Gucci” at work – although maybe my women patients will prefer “Louis” for Louis Vuitton.
I do know why urologists just pull the stents out without anesthesia; because it is so quick – the five minutes or so that it has taken me to write the column is more than the procedure itself takes – (1) it’s felt that the exposure time to anesthetic agents isn’t worth the risk. Yes, there is a risk factor in anesthesia, even local anesthesia; (2) the time it would take to recover you in the Post Anesthesia Unit (PACU, or simply, Recovery Room) is longer than the time it takes to remove a stent; (3) if you have anesthesia you’d have to go either to the hospital or an ambulatory surgery center – probably the later; (4) the MD is actually saving you some money, as your bill would then include the anesthesiologist’s fee and the hospital/surgery center’s fee; and (5) it saves not only dollars, but time – a relatively short time in the MD’s office could become a whole morning spent in the hospital or surgical center.
Despite that, me personally? I would still opt for the anesthesia. Why? Because I’ve been in on those procedures and, believe me, I wince every time. Yeah, give me a couple a whiffs of nitrous oxide or a syringe full of pentothal (the stuff that I call “Jackson Juice” because…well, you can figure it out) every time, baby. No pain, so much gain!
So when I say I felt for you as I read your column, I really did.
As for your upcoming entry into the “Zipper Club”…
You know that my brother also had a “surprise” coronary bypass. Only he’s got you beat, John. All five of his arteries were blocked – to such a degree that the doctors didn’t know how he was alive. Yeah, basically Glenn was a “dead man walking.” But these days he’s playing tennis, working out and doing his biking thing. (I mean bicycles, not motorcycles.) Yep, he’s out there pedaling away, doing 70 miles easy. His latest trip with his cycling buds was in Virginia this weekend on the Blue Ridge (as in Mountains) Parkway, with elevations of 600 to 6,000 feet, and which winds it way for 469 miles through Virginia and northern North Carolina. And the weather is always changing, despite the season, which means that Glenn and his pals got caught in some serious rainstorms. Which just added to the fun.
So maybe one of these days Mary will buy you a bicycle and pretty soon you’ll be travelling the roads of Michigan and cursing out the cars that are passing you at 100 miles per hour and throwing mud and dust and pebbles into your face.
Frequenters to this spot on the ComicMix radio dial are aware I’ve been MIA for the past two weeks. Attendees at the Jedi Con in Dusseldorf, Germany, also know I was a no-show. Mike Gold has supplied the basic info but I feel I should elaborate.
I’ve been sick. Really, really sick.
It started with the Rock of Gibraltar, a 7 mm kidney stone that took up residence in my right kidney. The doctor went in and yanked it out in one piece, leaving a stent to help me pee.
My penis had an opinion on all this. “No no no! Things go out that way; they don’t go up!” The penis was overruled and has been very sullen ever since.
The stent was removed about ten days later in the doc’s office in a sort of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” procedure. No ceremony. They just inserted a tube and pulled out what looked like a long green worm. It took longer to fill out the paperwork than to perform the procedure.
Four or five days later I was back in the ER. I’d developed a fever, a bad pain in my back, and my bladder wasn’t emptying right. They told me that 400-600 ccs on urine would cause most people discomfort. 600-800 should have people doubled up in pain.
I had 2000 ccs.
Some nurses suggested that my bladder could have exploded. We’re all glad it didn’t I don’t know why it didn’t. Maybe he’s Iron Bladder. Bladder of Steel. Green Bladder. The Dark Bladder Rises.
I was admitted. A catheter was attached (further annoying Mr. Penis) and a bladder bag attached to it which I have taken to calling my Gucci Bag, or just “Gooch” for short. In addition to my fever, evidently I had sepsis and an acute urological infection.
Oh, and I also had had a mild heart attack. Don’t know when, never felt it, but the markers were all there.
My fever spiked to 103 degrees with some interesting side effects. I was watching my TV when one of my doctors dropped by. I just stared at him since I was convinced I was home watching TV and wondered what the doctor was doing in my living room. We rapidly established I was in the hospital and everything was cool.
Fevers can also give you interesting fever dreams. I had one where I knew I was about to be recruited both by ISIL and Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I was of the mind I needed to get out of there but in the morning I was still there so I’m assuming I didn’t escape.
I had a cardiac catheterization where a catheter is stuck into a vein in either your arm or your groin (anyone else see a meme here?) to go look into your heart. They splash around a dye and then take x-rays to see how the blood flows through my heart and check for damage after the heart attack.
The good news according to my cardiac doctor was that my heart was pretty healthy; he said if it was a six-cylinder engine it was running on seven cylinders. No, I don’t quite understand what that means either but I was assured it was a good thing.
The bad news was that I needed a triple coronary bypass. One of three veins going into the heart was 89% blocked and they couldn’t roto-rooter it out. That’s been scheduled for the end of October. Good news is that this sort of surgery has become much more common than it was at once time; the bad news is that it’s going to hurt. Better news is that, if I behave myself and do what I‘m supposed to and eat what I’m supposed to afterwards, I could be healthier than I’ve been in years. My Mary has already decided that I’m going to do all that.
The hospital cleared up the infections and sent me home to recoup a bit before the operation with strict orders that I am not to do anything.
“Gee, honey, I’d really like to help with the dishes but the doctors said. . .”
“You know I’d take out the garbage but doctors’ orders say. . .”
“I’d be happy to clean up the cats’ litter boxes but doctors said. . . “
And one small part of brain keeps whispering, “I wonder how long I can milk this.”
Actually, I really do wish I could do things around the house. My Mary has been so fantastic about taking it all on and watching over me that I wish I could pitch in so that it didn’t all fall on her shoulders but she won’t let me. Time enough afterwards, I guess, when I’m better.
One thing I’ve also been aware of – when in the hospital, express your appreciation to those who are taking care of you. Say “thank you” to the nurses and NAs and everyone. Yes, they’re just doing their jobs but gratitude is appropriate.
I’m also appreciative of all those who have expressed good wishes, kind thoughts, and have included me in their prayers or sent me energy. I can feel the good will and I don’t ever take such things for granted.
So – that’s what I’ve been doing on my autumn vacation. At some point, I’ll disappear again. Mary will keep Mike informed and Mike will pass it on. In the mean time, think good thoughts. I know I am.
Sony’s Playstation Network debuted the first trailer for its live-action adaptation of [[[Powers]]] to a packed room at New York Comic Con today.
Based on Brian Michael Bendis and Michael Avon Oeming’s creator-owned comic, [[[Powers]]] is currently in production starring Sharlto Copley as Christian Walker, Susan Heyward as Deena Pilgrim, and Michelle Forbes as Retro Girl, and is slated to debut on the video game console’s new streaming network this fall.
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