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Marc Alan Fishman’s Snarky Synopsis: The New 52 – Futures End #7

futures-end-3921556Written by Brian Azzarello, Jeff Lemire, Dan Jurgens, and Keith Giffen. Art by Aaron Lopresti, Art Thibert, and Hi-Fi.

I beg you, dear reader, to not skim over the author credits in this review. Azzarello. Lemire. Jurgens. Giffen. A master of noir, the macabre, cape and cowl, and team action. I want you to let those names and their respective bibliographies soak into your brainpan.

And now, I want you to forget it. All of it. Forget amazing runs on Batman, Animal Man, Justice League, Superman, and 100 Bullets. Why? Because Futures End doesn’t read like it even strolled adjacent to the parks where any of those celebrated authors lived. Instead, we get another chapter that advances banal plots that all lead towards the next editorial status quo to deal with in the next publishing quarter (or year, or what-have-you). If you don’t care to stick around to read the maple-syrup-thick snark I’m about to lay out on this waste of thought and talent, then take these words and call it a day: Futures End is a passionless money suck, and is yet-another-symptom in the ever-ailing world of big-comic event-driven fiction.

To sum up the issue itself is to merely check off the minor plot points that continue the threads of the litany of plots. In the Phantom Zone, Agent Frankenstein fights Black Adam. He wins, but loses a limb. I guess we should care about that, but the guy is literally sewn together bits already. Losing one bit doesn’t really lend itself to intense dramatic action, does it? Elsewhere, Deathstroke and Hit Girl (or whatever her name is – which doesn’t matter because she’s clearly being presented like Hit Girl) discuss adding Grifter to their team. Grifter is told this, and basically seems fine with it. Oh the melancholy! Then there’s Firestorm, who visits a memorial celebrating the loss of life he had a hand in creating. Joy! And we cap off the book with a skirmish in the park – Terry McGinness (Batman Beyond, don’t cha know) and Mr. Terrific fight while the Key and some ne’er-do-wells discuss being bad.

Time for a bit of a digression, kiddos. You see, not that long ago, there was this weekly book called 52. It was penned by a fantastic foursome of their day. To be fair, all four men are still incredible. Mark Waid, Grant Morrison, Geoff Johns, and Greg Rucka. Each man basically took a single story set inside the ever-shifting DCU, and over the course of 52 issues laid it out in tandem with the other three.

Over the course of that year-in-comics, there were certainly issues akin to Futures End where really there was more moving of chess pieces than there was definitive action and progress. But by and large, each issue was worth the read. Each issue contributed a very dissimilar set of heroes and villains that ultimately came together to showcase the richly detailed universe that houses half of the most recognizable licensed characters in all of creation… and then placed them dutifully on the shelf, and played with the want-nots, has-beens, and forgotten ones instead. It was the best of times.

Futures End #7 is the worst of times. As I alluded to above, the book just reads as passionless plot. I take that opinion to heart, as I myself am amidst the writing process on something of similar direction. In the era of writing for the trade, the middle chapters fall prey to only existing as means to the eventual end. Because they serve so many masters, they end up feeling hollow. Things happen. Stuff moves forward. But when you cram an issue with no fewer than five plot lines, and literally nothing gets resolved, or any twists are revealed… the trade becomes an end not worth waiting for. At least, not when the scripting and pacing do not take into account that every issue could stand to be a jumping on point. FE #7 not only craps on that concept, it revels in it.

Allow me to admit it straight up: I haven’t read a single panel of any previous issue of Futures End. Outside the pithy knowledge I have that this is some kind of epic that has to do with robotic evil duplicates from an alternate timeline or dimension, and at some point Luthor will run the Justice League… I know nothing. Picking up the seventh issue is of course complete reader-suicide. I don’t know why Frankenstein is in the Phantom Zone. I don’t know why Ronnie Raymond is to blame for whatever tragedy befell his kin. I don’t have the slightest clue what Terrifitech is, or why Batman Beyond is trying to blend in as a bum (who apparently drops fifty dollar bills because… the Internet?). But I digress. Simply put: I shouldn’t have to know any of those six-issue long backstories to enjoy a good comic.

If it’s the absolute I believe in now – having been a weekly reviewer for nearly three and a half years (and a fan and reader for two decades) – it’s that Erik Larsen was right. Every comic stands to be someone’s jumping on point. And it’s issues like this one that lend me to believe why comic books continue to ebb and flow but never seem to be more than a niche medium clinging to life in between the blockbuster movie adaptations. Stories like 52 actually attempted to prove that comic books still had sway – and that Alan Moore isn’t just a crazy loon in a castle. By making a book that used the continuity and novel-length girth of plots, DC proved that a comic book need not be a cartoon or mega-plex people pleaser. Futures End instead returns to the roots (and not that Jack Kirby / Steve Ditko / Stan Lee kind) of the industry; kitchy low-brow action stories that only target those who want a punch, kick, and an occasional tit. Sorry, we’re better than this.

When the credit-roll on your book reads like a who’s-who of modern top talent.. when your art team delivers admirable visuals to the script… when you have literally an entire universe of characters – including the top-shelf ones – at your disposal… when you have the carte blanche to create with compatriots that each in their own right could handle the book by themselves, you are not allowed to phone in an issue. Hell, you’re not allowed to phone in one panel. For fuck’s sake, you’re not even allowed to trip up over a single Rao-damned word balloon.

Future’s End is indicted on all counts. This was a lazy chapter in a lazy crossover that feels more by-the-numbers than seat-of-your-pants. It aspires to do nothing other than advance plot at a snails pace – sans style, sans grace. For shame, DC. For shame Brian Azzarello, Jeff Lemire, Dan Jurgens, and Keith Giffen.

 

 

The Law Is A Ass #318: Batman Flunks His Testimony

lawassContrary to popular belief, the Fifth Amendment  is not the one that repealed Prohibition. And, contrary to popular belief, the Fifth Amendment is not what we’re talking about today. (Hey, I had a snappy opening joke to go with the Fifth Amendment but nothing for the Sixth Amendment. You wanted I should let it go to waste over a technicality?)

Last time, we were here together, I promised to explain why Batman would not be able to testify in a courtroom in DC’s New 52 continuity, even though he could in the old continuity. If you’ve been paying attention – and considering we’re only two paragraphs into this column, if you haven’t been paying attention you really should get your attention span checked – you can probably guess that said explanation involves the Sixth Amendment.

The Sixth Amendment is one of the two amendments in the Bill of Rights that deals with the rights of the accused in a criminal trial. It creates a list of rights which it grants to all defendants in criminal proceedings. For our purposes today we’re only going to deal with one of those Sixth Amendment rights; the defendant’s right to confront the witnesses against him or her. Hey, there are eight of those rights in the Sixth and if we were going to talk about all eight, we’d be here all day. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got plans for tonight.

The right of confrontation means more than that the defendant gets to sit in the courtroom and glower at the witnesses while they testify. It doesn’t, however, go as far as allowing the defendant to get up in the witness’s face or physically assault the witness, like they were on an episode of The Jerry Springer Show. No, the right to confrontation lies somewhere in between; and I don’t mean Dr. Phil. What it means is that the defendant gets to cross-examine the witnesses who testify for the prosecution.

Cross-examination, which the noted legal scholar John Henry Wigmore called “the greatest legal engine ever invented for the discovery of the truth,” means the accused gets to ask the witnesses questions designed to attack the witness’s testimony and, if possible, cast doubts on the witness’s credibility. Among the ways in which a defendant may seek to attack a witness’s credibility is to show that the witness is a convicted criminal so not worthy of being believed. Another is to show that the witness has a bias in the case, such as the witness hates the defendant, or the witness wants to get the defendant out of the way so he could make the moves on the defendant’s girlfriend or the defendant knew the witness was secretly a bigamist, or any of the dozens of techniques we watched Perry Mason employ over and over again in nine seasons of the original series, half a season of the failed revival with Monte Markham, and 26 made-for-TV movies with the original Perry and Della back again. Basically, anything that would show the jury that the witness has a motive to lie about the defendant. Another technique, which can be employed on some occasions, is to show that the witness has a generally bad reputation for honesty, so is not a person whose statements or testimony should be believed. There are others, but these will suffice for our discussion today.

They suffice, because they all have something in common. In order for the defendant to be able to use any of those cross-examination tactics, the defendant has to know who the witness is. A defendant can’t very well establish a witness’s bias or past criminal record or reputation for honesty if the defendant does not know who the witness is.

Which brings us to Batman. We, the readers, may know that it’s Bruce Wayne under that cowl with the twin cell towers doubling as ear pieces, but the court doesn’t. And, more important, the defendant and his or her attorneys don’t. How does the defendant prove Batman has bias or a motive to lie about or a bad reputation for truth, if the defendant doesn’t know who the hell Batman is behind that mask? He doesn’t.

Which is why American courts are generally about as accepting of allowing masked witnesses to testify as Sheldon Cooper is of accepting change; either an alteration of his routine or pocket money from someone when he doesn’t know where those pockets may have been. No, as a general principle, masked witnesses cannot testify in American courts, because it would deny the defendant his right to confront the witness.

Now this is not a hard and fast rule. Some courts allow for some degree of witness anonymity in cases where the witness would face danger should the witness’s identity be revealed to the defendant; such as a detective who is in the middle of an undercover operation and can’t be outted or an eyewitness who fears retaliation. (I think the courts would be hard-pressed to rule that Batman was afraid of retaliation, considering putting himself in the path of retaliation is what he does on a daily basis.)

Courts also allow witness anonymity in cases of “forfeiture by wrongdoing” such as the defendant, or the defendant’s friends, threatening a witness and making the witness reluctant to testify. When this happens, courts rule that the defendant waived the right of confrontation by his or her wrongdoing. Again, I don’t think many courts would find that a defendant’s threats against Batman would hold much sway or cause him the slightest reluctance. If anything, they’d be more likely to encourage him.

In other cases, courts have allowed a witness to testify anonymously when the witness’s true identity was known to the prosecution and the prosecution supplied to the defendant the potential materials that the defense could use to impeach that witness. That could apply to, say, Captain America, because someone like Nick Fury could voucher for the man behind the mask, but it would not apply to the Batman, as no one knows who he is, not even the Gotham City Police  or the District Attorney’s office. So no one could supply the defense with Batman’s impeaching information.

Without some constitutional amendment or federal law in the DC Universe which allowed for masked super heroes to testify in criminal proceedings, it is unlikely that Superman, Flash, Batman or any of the other DC heroes with secret identities could testify.

The old DC continuity actually had such a law that regulated the activities of masked super heroes. It was called the Keene Act. And according to our own John Ostrander, said act was modified by an amendment which, among other things, provided for how masked super heroes could testify; an amendment which, I immodestly note, John called “The Ingersoll Amendment.”

So under the old DC Universe continuity, Batman would have been able to testify. However no such legislation exists in the New 52 DC universe continuity. I know this because of Justice League# 30. In that story, Len (Captain Cold) Snart talks to Jake Shell “Parole Officer to the Rogues” and complains that even though Lex Luthor credited Captain Cold with helping to save the world from Forever Evil , the Flash won’t stand idly by and let Captain Cold walk free. Shell answers, “Unless the Flash unmasks and testifies under his real name, they’re not going to let him speak at your hearing.”

So it’s established that in the New 52, masked super heroes can’t testify at a parole hearing. Parole hearings are more informal proceedings and courts have held that the defendant’s panoply of trial rights – such as the right to confrontation – don’t apply as fully there as they do in an actual trial. So, if a masked super hero can’t testify under the relaxed procedures of a parole hearing in the New 52 world, a masked super hero will not be able to testify in a New 52 trial.

Or won’t until someone writes a story in which he or she really needs a masked super hero to testify, then that writer will figure out a way for it to happen. Then masked super heroes will be allowed to testify in the New 52 and I’ll probably get a new column out of it.

Writers of the New 52, the ball is in your courtroom.

Martha Thomases: Rosario Dawson Is… Who?

rosario-dawson-2514432The most important entertainment news this week was not the announcement of new television or movie deals. No one with the star power to open a movie got arrested or married or gave birth. There is no hot new music festival, nor have any celebrities been released from jail.

No, this is the most important story. Rosario Dawson has been cast in the Daredevil series Marvel Studios is producing for Netflix.

The reason I know this is the most important story is that it caused the most people to send me e-mails or texts. Everyone had the same question.

Was Rosario going to play Dakota North?

As near as I can tell from reading the stories to which my friends linked me, the answer is no. Nothing in the character description indicates that she is playing a former fashion model turned private investigator and freelance security professional.

Still, I understand why people ask. Dakota North has been a more frequent participant in the Marvel Universe of late, appearing not only in Daredevil but also Captain Marvel. She’s a useful item in the toolbox because her skills make it believable that she knows something important to the plot. You believe her father (former CIA) taught her the necessary moves to not only find out secrets, but to also fight her way out of any jam.

She is not a social worker, as seems to be the case with the Dawson character. She doesn’t know how to help people talk through their problems. She doesn’t know how to help people get what they need from a convoluted government bureaucracy. No one person can excel at everything.

This is a shame, because I would love it if Dakota North were to be played by Rosario Dawson. She’s tall enough to be a credible fashion model, and we know from movies like Sin City and Death Proof that she can kick ass. No, she doesn’t have red hair, but, really, that’s hardly a defining character trait.

More important, I would love it if Dawson were to play Dakota North in the series because she has already been cast and it would mean I’d get paid. I forget what the page limit is past which Marvel must pay me for using her in a single issue of the comics, but they haven’t reached it yet. However, if she were to be on screen, I’d have a case.

I would like to urge each and every one of you to lobby for this to happen. I, myself, have already spoken to The Incredible Hulk about this when I met him at a political fundraiser last year.

(It was for Martha Robertson, whose anti-fracking stance won his support. I urge you to support her, and not only so you can meet movie stars, but because she is a great candidate.)

This isn’t as important as getting Jack Kirby recognized and paid. I don’t believe that the comics community is going to rally around this particular cause, nor should they. However, it would be lovely if all of us who contributed to making the various comics universes interesting and complex enough to entice paying customers could share the wealth.

Even if it’s just one character.

 

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Walt Simonson Triumphantly Returns to Thor with “Ragnarök” from IDW

http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=53619

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Walt Simonson returns to the character that made him a comic book superstar this July for his latest creator-owned project from IDW Publishing. In “Ragnarök,” the award-winning writer/artist tells his own version of the Norse apocalypse, one where Thor sits out the final battle with the Midgard Serpent, allowing the dark gods to destroy Asgard and take over the nine worlds — until the God of Thunder returns.

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OK, NOBODY Shows This My Little Pony-Transformers Cosplay To IDW

You know they’ll try go get a miniseries out of this if they can.

http://io9.com/sexy-my-little-pony-transformer-body-paint-cosplay-cann-1584870804

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My thoughts upon seeing this picture, in order: 1) AAAAAAAAA THOSE EYES. 2) It’s actually extremely well done. 3) What does it transform into? A regular pony, I guess? 4) AAAAAAA THAT MOUTH IT’S GOING TO DEVOUR MY SOUL. 5) No one better goddamn show this to Michael Bay, either.

Tweeks: Top 5 YouTube Channels

maxresdefault-6050563It’s summer, so we know that their kind has kicked-up their time watching online content.   As a matter of fact, we’re currently kicking back with our online video community at VidCon right now.  In celebration of all of that we offer up 5 of our favorite YouTube Channels.  There’s something for everyone whether you want pop culture musicals, thoughtful hip-hop analysis of literary classics, cute cats, comic culture in your kitchen, or dorky teenage boy advice. 

Dennis O’Neil: Tim Burton and the Bat

tim-burton-4593549About 25 years ago I was walking from a screening at a Third Avenue theater onto a bustling Manhattan street with a Time Warner executive. My companion thought the movie we’d just seen, a movie that would be opening in a few days, was too dark for a summer entertainment and so would probably fail. Later, another kind and generous exec told me that there had been a snafu in getting the comic book adaptation I’d written to market and that my royalties would probably be impacted by the screen version of the story beating the comics version to the public. He said he’d try to get me a little extra money to ease my loss. It was a very generous offer, but in the end, an unnecessary one. The royalties were quite satisfactory, thank you.

And the movie? A hit. A big, juicy and – okay, we’ll admit it – dark hit.

It was directed by Tim Burton, starred Jack Nicholson and Michael Keaton and was eponymously titled Batman. Short, punchy. Fit on any marquee inn town.

It wasn’t Batman’s first venture into theaters. In the 40s there had been two serials, aimed at the Saturday matinee kid audience, and in 1966, a comedic take on the character adapted from a television show. I guess that those efforts did whatever they were supposed to do. But the 1989 Batman… that was something else. I don’t have the profit/loss statements – I guess those Warner folk misplaced my phone number, back then in the 80s – but I’ll happily guess that the BurtonBat exceeded box office expectations, maybe by a long stretch.

Why do you think that is? Batman wasn’t the first big production that took the superhero genre seriously. There had been the four Superman movies, with A-list directors and actors. And Supergirl. (I’m not counting Superman and the Mole Men, which sprung from yet another television program, nor the movies-of-the week, yet more television programming.)

But Burton’s stuff seemed to me to have been a game changer. Again, why? Maybe because it was a tipping point, which is defined by the excellent writer who popularized the term as “the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point.” The writer, Malcolm Gladwell, says that “…ideas and products and messages and behavior spreads like viruses do.”

So maybe the idea of superheroes as a legitimate genre, equal to westerns and crime drama and the rest of the generic amusements, had been seeping into our collective psyche for years. But the genre wasn’t quite validated until…voila – it was! Tim Burton and his collaborators delivered what audiences didn’t realize they were waiting for – a movie that had enough familiar elements to be acceptable as mass entertainment, but was also not quite like anything that those audiences had seen before, which made it a novelty.

It was a winning combination, one that’s unlikely ever to be repeated. And a bonus: I rewatched the movie last night and can report that is holds up well. After all these years, it still does the job. Does it darkly, but does it. Nice.

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Meanwhile, At Hydra HQ…

http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2014/6/24/meanwhile-at-hydra-hq.html

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“Minion! Did you take care of Captain America’s shield?”
Yes, commander! After today, that meddlesome schoolboy won’t even recognize his shield.”

“Exxxxcellent. Out of curiosity, what did you do?”

“Sir?”

“To Rogers’ shield. How did you sabotage it? Acid? Explosives? Radioactive vermin? What?”

“Oh. Um, I’m not sure ‘sabotage’ is the right word, sir.”

“Then what DID you do, you fool?”

“Well…”

Mike Gold: The Force… In The Wind

george-lucas-5549799So, George Lucas is moving to my home town. Hmmmm.

Well, that’s not literally true. Yesterday, George decided the so-called Windy City will be home to the Lucas Museum of Narrative Art (LMNA), his so-called storytelling museum that will feature George’s massive collection of paintings, illustrations and digital art. Like everybody else, Lucas gets to visit it – although he probably won’t have to pay.

Chicago beat out Los Angeles and Lucas’ own San Francisco, so, on behalf of my fellow Chicagoans, those still in Cook County and those ex-pats who never really leave Chicago – not in our hearts – let me offer a hale and hearty “na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey-hey!”

I’ll bet Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s brother Ari had something to do with this. Ari Emanuel is a top Hollywood dealmaker who was the model for Ari Gold (no relation) in Entourage. He’s been referred to as a living hurricane, but usually hurricanes are seen in a better light.

“We are honored to be partnering with the city of Chicago and the many cultural, educational and community groups that have come forward with ideas about how the LMNA will add to their vibrant work… Choosing Chicago is the right decision for the museum, but a difficult decision for me personally because of my strong personal and professional roots in San Francisco,” the director said. Then again, he does live in Chicago part-time and his wife Mellody (pictured above with her husband) is a Chicagoan. We Chicagoans can be stubborn.

This is great news for my fiends at ReedPop, as the museum will be a couple blocks from the massive McCormick Place convention center on Lake Michigan, home to their C2E2 pop culture convention each spring. It’s also near Soldier Field, the Field Natural History Museum, the planetarium and the aquarium. It’s within walking distance from Buddy Guy’s Legends and the sprawling Columbia College complexes, where young media freaks go to percolate. Ergo, it’s in the heartland of heartland culture.

From the reports I’ve seen, LMNA appears to be quite a sprawling place. The architectural plans will be submitted in early fall, so we’ll see. Moving George’s massive collection to his museum is going to be a monster job.

I respect Lucas for doing this museum thing. Not just because it’s in a place I tend to visit three or four times a year (but thank you for that!), not because if you’re flying somewhere you’re probably going to be inconvenienced by having to change planes at the dreaded O’Hare International so you might as well jump on the subway, but because he is, essentially, giving his astonishing collection to the public.

Good for you, George. And, again, thank you. I’m looking forward to visiting your home away from home.

 

Emily S. Whitten: ComicCon Prep 101

soldier-8933604Convention season is upon us, y’all! Well actually, convention season is sort of year round these days. As Jim Zub observed recently, “There are now so many conventions that you can’t even attend the ‘best’ ones. Too many great shows.” Too true. And technically for me, convention season started with Awesome Con DC, for which I was on the ConCom. But convention reporting season for me really starts with San Diego Comic Con and wraps up with New York Comic Con (because yes, I love HeroesCon, and I know I totally have to try one year, and C2E2 would undoubtedly be great, and OMG ECCC always has so many good voice actor guests so why haven’t I gone yet – but I just can’t do it all, you know? Much as I’d like to).

So for me, it’s now time to Get Serious about prepping for conventions because SDCC is about a month away (eep!). And when I prep for cons, I ain’t kidding around – I arm myself for cons like a general going into battle, because no matter how much you plan for a con, when you get there things are not going to go as planned (kind of like how “no battle plan survives contact with the enemy,” y’know?). And since I’m not the only one who might feel overwhelmed by the wonderful chaos of a con if unprepared, I thought I’d share some of my methods (and madness? and complete OCD?) with you. So here’s how I do things. It may not be how you decide to do things, but at least it might give you a jumping off point.

Step 1: The Spreadsheet

Okay, so depending on how many cons you attend (and how OCD you are) you may not need a spreadsheet. But if you go to several cons a year, like me, a spreadsheet can help you keep track of all of the important stuff for each con. Like, for instance, the dates of the con, when badges go on sale, what you still need to do well beforehand (like booking your travel and hotel), and particular events or plans you want to ensure you don’t miss (like dinner with friends, or, for reporters, interviews you’ve set). Also which friends might be going to the same con (because if I don’t note this somewhere I will forget who’s at which cons), or what costumes you want to wear (and if they still need work before they’re con-ready), your expenses or budget, and anything important that you really don’t want to forget to pack.

So if you want an easy way to keep track of all this stuff, be a spreadsheet nerrrrrd like me. Trust me, it really can help. And you can use other tabs to keep track of other handy stuff you need to prep for.

Like:

Step 2: The Schedule

So once you get your badge and travel and hotel figured out (try to get those nailed down first and as soon as you can to ensure you get a badge and hotel, since some sell out quickly; and to get better travel prices), you’re going to want to start thinking about allllll of the amazing things you can see and do at a con. The con’s website should have everything you need to start planning all that out, with guests you might want to meet (and get photos with, or autographs from, or commissions from, or even just tell them how awesome you think they are); and panels you might want to see; and all that jazz. Explore the whole website because hey, it’s fun to look forward to stuff by learning about it, and also you might discover some things you didn’t realize they had (like how Dragon Con lists each fan track they have, what each entails, and what they have featured on each track in the past).

Once you decide what’s going on your con Wish List of Excitement, you might want to keep track of some of it on your spreadsheet. Also for scheduling, you might want to download and use the con’s scheduling app if they have one and once it’s available (many of them use apps now, including at least Awesome Con, San Diego, Dragon Con, and NYCC). It will take some time, but it’s worth going through the whole app and adding things to your schedule or favoriting guests you want to see; and you can generally even set reminders to go off prior to panels. Note that inevitably if you’re going to a good con, you’ll end up with like, five conflicting things in the same slots on your schedule much of the time. That’s okay! You can decide later which (if any) you actually want to attend. Just throw ‘em all on there and see what sticks.

And now that you’ve got your potential schedule figured out, you can also think about:

Step 3: Costumes

(Note that this step can run concurrent with the first two, because it can take a while to get a good costume together.) If you are a costumer like me (sometimes), you may want up to three or more costumes for one con. These may require gathering of pieces, sewing, crafting, and more. I’ve talked before about how I make a convention costume so check that piece out if you want some tips on the finer points of how I do it (which is not to say there aren’t folks out there who do it with a lot more complexity and expertise than me). But generally, you may want to decide on a few costume goals, get your photo references or inspirations together, decide on your wardrobe pieces, and then (if you’re me and you just love making lists) list out all of the moving parts so you don’t forget to pack or wear any of them for the con. Again: add it to the spreadsheet! It’s good for so many things.

Including:

Step 4: Packing

Along with your costumes, there are some other things you don’t want to forget to pack for cons. Obviously this is going to depend in part on your own needs, but here are some things I recommend you wear or carry with you at the con:

• A decent-sized shoulder bag or small backpack with many pockets. The pockets are great for keeping your stuff in separate, easy to find places for if you need quick access to something.

• One of those lightweight cloth shopping bags that folds up into another tiny bag, which can later be used to carry whatever you end up buying (because if you are me, you will totally end up buying things.) I found one in the checkout line at an Office Max. You can probably also get one at The Container Store or similar.

• Comfortable socks and shooooes!!!!! And clothes, generally. But especially socks and shoes. You will be walking and standing around a lot.

• A hoodie or light sweater if you tend to get cold. If you are a gal like me, and you want something lightweight that rolls up fairly small and doesn’t wrinkle, I recommend the SeV Ladies Cardigan from ThinkGeek. I love that thing.

• Deodorant? No, seriously. Some of y’all may smell like springtime roses all day and all night long, but if you are at a con for 8+ hours, bustling through warm crowds, rushing to panels, and generally hanging out with a million other people, you might consider taking along a little travel stick of deodorant to use, because you might in fact find yourself being a gradual contributor to the dreaded con funk. And nobody wants to be that person.

• Snax! Ranging from bottled water to granola bars, trail mix, or whatever else your little snacky heart desires. It’s very important to stay hydrated and keep that blood sugar up during the go-go-go of a con. I tend to like chewy granola bars and those little applesauce pouches that look kind of like Capri Suns (which are also handy, by the way) because they aren’t crinkly or messy and are super-easy to eat while trying to be quiet in a panel or while in a hurry and barreling through a crowd on the way to your next fun event. I recommend keeping gum or mints on hand as well. Also, of course, it’s good to have some cash on hand for food and shopping.

• Your badge or badge confirmation, and ID. Seriously, don’t go all the way to the con and then realize you don’t have these. Also any medications you might need.

• Your camera, smartphone, charger, extra battery or on-the-go charging device, or any other tech you may need to communicate and memorialize your fun. Also consider an iPod if you are going to be waiting in line by yourself a lot and don’t always feel like talking to strangers.

• A small notepad, a couple of pens, and a Sharpie or two. They just come in handy, you know? Also anything you might want to get signed.

• Business cards, if you intend to make connections with folks for any reason.

• Aaaaand… anything else you can’t live without. Having all of these things, and having done the other steps prior to the con, will prepare you for the ultimate end game of…

Step 5: Having A Great Time, Even If Nothing Turns Out As Planned

Like I said, no battle plan survives contact with the enemy, and no con plan actually works out the way you expect. You will miss panels you want to see or people you want to meet, you may discover that your costume is way less easy to navigate through a crowd than you would have hoped (oops!), and other things will turn topsy-turvy. But being prepared will minimize any panic, stress, or issues that you might have with all of that.

And after all, things not going as planned may turn out to be the best thing that could happen. Because cons are magical and wonderful things full of fun and excitement, and missing that first panel may mean you run into your favorite actor in an elevator, or step into a less-full panel that turns out to be epically awesome, or decide to roam Artists Alley or the con floor and discover a new favorite artist or an exciting piece of con merch. So if you want to have a good time, it’s great to be prepared; but also, to be flexible – be both and I guarantee you’ll have a great time.

Got some other prep tips that help you out at a con? Feel free to share them in the comments!

And until next time, Servo Lectio!

 

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