With X-Men vs. Avengers hitting the shelves this past week, fans are speculating just what the “shattering conclusion” hinted at in several teasers will be. Well, if the ramblings of a former Marvel graphic designer are to be believed, we’re in for something.

Mike Rifchin, an associate letterer was recently let go as part of Disney’s forced scaling back of staff, blogged major plot points coming up at the tail end of the summer blockbuster.

In his “…and a big F%#! You to Mickey” post dated March 29th, Mike let loose the following potential spoilers:

(SPOILER ALERT!)

• Wolverine will betray his school for the Avengers, citing “I’m the best I am at what I do, but I know when it’s time to stick to the winning side.”
• Cain Marko will resurface to claim his Cytorak gem. Red Hulk tosses it to him after defeating Colossus in the middle of Times Square. “Here you go kid, go make trouble for someone somewhere else.”
• Cyclops will face off against Captain America as expected, but don’t expect a lengthy battle. Panels into their big blowup, Cyclops pulls off his visor, and releases a “Four page optic blast.” Steve Rogers isn’t seen after that.

And the biggest spoiler of them all: After Hope decides to keep the Phoenix Force within her, Uatu leaves his post as a Watcher. “Hope is lost.”

And with it, so does the 616 universe. Uatu reveals his possession over the forgotten cosmic cube. What follows is a yet-to-be announced Flashpoint-esque universal reset. Due to the increased sales from DC’s relaunch back in August of 2011, Disney ordered the House of Ideas to match the success. According to Rifchin, the plans have been in place to reset things a bit. “Face it, with all the crap going on in Spider-Man, and all the different X-teams, and no real rise in sales over the last year? It doesn’t surprise me they’re playing the same weaksauce DC did – LAME!”

Rifchin’s blog has since been shut down by Disney and their team of mouseketeer lawyers.

Speaker of the House John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) today introduced a bill in Congress outlawing April Fools Day and all celebrations, activities and acts associated therewith.

“It’s all bullshit anyway,” Rep. Boehner told Politico. Then he broke down in tears and shouted “April Fools!”

It is not known if the Speaker was referring to the present slate of Republican candidates for President.

Hard to believe it, but Alfred E. Neuman is celebrating his 56^th birthday today.  Ever since he first graced the cover of MAD #30 in 1956, he has become a national icon and symbol of that era. His enduring gap-toothed grin has become an internationally recognized image and has been imitated time and again.

We salute, Alfred and share with you some fun facts about the fellow:

Although Alfred has appeared on the front of most issues of MAD, he has not appeared on every cover.

Over the years, Alfred has been depicted in a wide variety of roles, including Uncle Sam, George Washington, Barack Obama, Rosemary’s baby, Michael Jackson, Justin Bieber and Batman.

Alfred’s signature slogan, “What – me worry?” exemplifies the satirical and care-free tone of the magazine.

Alfred has run for president every election since 1956 with the campaign motto, “You could do worse, and always have!”

Alfred’s eyes are not aligned straight, yet they always manage to make contact with the reader. He is never depicted in profile.

In 1983, a man wore an Alfred E. Neuman mask while attempting to hold up a gas station in Michigan. The attendant working at the station could not take the man seriously and the robber left the scene without any money.

In MAD #322 (October, 1993), the magazine asked readers which real life celebrity Alfred E. Neuman most closely resembled – David Letterman, Ted Koppel or Prince Charles of England. While TV personality Letterman was leading the vote for the majority of the polling period, a last-minute influx of votes from Canadian readers crowned Prince Charles the victor of the competition. This was ironic considering that in 1958, MAD received a letter from Buckingham Palace (reprinted in MAD #48) to shoot down comparisons between Charles and Alfred. To this day, nobody knows if the note in fact came from Prince Charles himself.

As MAD’s mascot, Alfred is often referred to by the Usual Gang of Idiots at MAD as the magazine’s “Playboy rabbit.”

Due to recent events in Florida, Warner Bros. has decided to put its foot down. With the first promotional image for the new CW drama “Arrow” debuting a few weeks back, some were questioning how politically correct it might be to have a hero donning a hood to fight crime.

DC President Diane Nelson held a press conference this morning to disway the rumor mill:

“DC Comics wants to make it clear that we have been, and will always be at the forefront of fashion for our original licensed creations. But our heroes exist in a very real world… one that reacts to all of today’s issues. Given the recent tragedy in Florida, we’ve decided to make some improvements across the board to ensure the utmost sensitivity to everyone affected. Simply put, a good guy can’t wear a hoodie.”

With that being said, it was learned that DC will be reshooting “Arrow” with a new to-be-released costume, as well as make several changes to existing characters. The new Shazam will have his costume altered once again. Co-Publisher and lead costume designer Jim Lee noted “Shazam will now feature baggy cargo shorts, a red and gold short sleeve tee-shirt with white long sleeve shirt underneath, and his new trademark Kangol hat. We felt it was time to really bring the character into today’s marketplace.” In addition to that, copies of Superman: Earth 1 will be recalled, and have it’s cover replaced, as it features DC’s flagship character donning the aforementioned fashion faux-pas. Also, Static Shock will be removed from continuity completely, and any mention of him will be disavowed.

“Ultimately we have a responsibility to our readers to reflect the common values everyone shares. At this time, this means having to ensure no character is dressed in an offensive matter. In any event, it will not keep us from delivering the finest product in the marketplace we can.” Nelson concluded.

In a landmark proceeding, the American Nazi Party has sued Marvel Comics and its owner, The Disney Company, over the latter’s use of the character Adolf Hitler as well as their use of the stylized “swastika.”

The American Nazi Party is claiming trademark violation, a claim attorney Frankie Abbott perceives as “vacuous.” The renowned First Amendment and Title 35 lawyer believes both Hitler and the swastika are in the public domain. Hitler was a historical figure who ran “The Third Reich,” an alternate name for the German Empire in the early 1940s. “The use of the so-called swastika dates back over a millennium,” Abbott notes, “and has been used in Asian and Native American culture ever since.”

Nonetheless, the American Nazi Party has filed in the United States District Court, Central District of California, seeking $45 million in damages and a permanent injunction ordering a cease-and-desist on the use of their alleged trademarks, including in reprints of previously published materials. Further, the American Nazi Party seeks an additional $250 million in damages from the motion picture Captain America: The First Avenger, produced by Marvel Studios, a division of Marvel Entertainment. The Party claims contractual representation for the estate of the German Führer und Reichskanzler, and is taking these actions on their behalf.

Neither Marvel nor Disney attorneys responded to ComicMix by deadline.

AS I SAID LAST WEEK  AND THE WEEK BEFORE  – WARNING: I’m assuming that people reading this have seen the movie and thus will be fine with my discussing elements of the plot. If you’re one of those who haven’t watched the movie, do yourself a favor and DON’T READ THIS. See the movie instead and have your own experience with it. Trust me. You’ll be glad you did. If you need a plot synopsis, imdb has a good one here. 

Last time we met we were examining the film Casablanca, looking at it through story structure. I want to continue with that this week, working with the climax and the coda.

The climax of a story is the scene beyond which you can’t imagine any other. It resolves all major conflicts (although some minor ones can be reconciled in the coda, which is the last scene of the story). So… is the climax in Casablanca when Ilsa goes away with her husband? It would seem so, wouldn’t it? That’s the major question that’s been driving the film.

I’d like to offer an alternative answer by first asking a question – whose story is it? Who is the protagonist, the central character by whom and by whose actions the rest of the story is driven? It’s Rick’s, both by his refusal to help earlier in the film and by his actions as we race towards the climax.

For me, the real story isn’t Rick and Ilsa although it is an important, vital element in the story. Rick is emotionally dead at the start of the film; he doesn’t care about anyone or anything. Burned, scarred emotionally, he’s closed off from caring about anyone or any cause again. The most alive we see him is in the Paris flashbacks, in love, knowing the Gestapo will come looking for him when the Germans march into the city.

Paris is the symbol of life, of Rick being fully alive. Ilsa tells Rick about halfway through the film that she can’t explain what happened to him; the Rick she knew in Paris would understand but not the Rick that he has become. Late in the movie, Paris comes up again – Rick tells Ilsa that now, as a result of everything that has happened in the movie, they’ll always have Paris. He didn’t have it – he was dead – until she came to Casablanca but now they both will. He’s alive again.

The climax of Casablanca is when Rick shoots Strasser, knowing what the consequences will be for him and willing to pay the price. It’s the only way he can be sure that Ilsa will escape. He escapes his fate only because Captain Renaud, the corrupt French official who is also his friend, covers for him with “Round up the usual suspects.”

The coda is all about the final image and/or line; it’s what you want the audience to have in their minds as they leave. Casablanca has one of the best I’ve seen in films. Rick and Renaud, walking side by side away from us, through rain puddles, towards a life with the Resistance. The tag line, “Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” is simply one of most memorable lines in all of cinema. It’s all the more amazing when you discover that it was added at the last moment, dubbed by Bogart after filming was completed. What an indelible final image!

Serendipity played more than a small part in making Casablanca the classic that it is. We’ll talk more about that next time.

MONDAY: Mindy Newell, R.N., CNOR, C.G.