For the longest time I thought the ultimate act one could commit to drag comics out of its closet of nerdiness was to read them on the New York City subway. Unlike a bus or a train, because of the way the cars are configured, on the subway most riders face the other people. As a result, every other rider can see what you’re doing or reading – or pretending to be reading to avoid eye contact.

I loved to read comics on the subway. I especially loved to read DC’s Wednesday Comics, oversized and colorful as they were. Not only did I enjoy the stories, but I felt like I was making an ironic comment on those engrossed in their equally large New York Times or The Wall Street Journal.

Deciding what to read on the subway is a lot like deciding what to wear. New Yorkers judge each other on style, and one’s reading material is a key accessory. Several years ago, when Amazon’s Kindle was first breaking through, the Times did a feature about people who loved everything about the device except that other people couldn’t tell what they were reading.

That’s sure changed. Now, I’d guess, at least 60 percent of riders are using some kind of device, either to read or play games or listen to music. And half of the others are eating smelly food, talking loudly to their friends on the other side of the car, or applying nail polish, oblivious to any drips they get on my shoes.

Over the past several months, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in the waiting rooms of hospitals and doctors’ offices. If you want to be out and proud about your comics habit, read them there.

Admittedly, people in these situations are not concerned about showing off their highfalutin’ tastes. I’ve seen no one reading Proust. Still, with my gray hair and knitting bag, I’m not exactly the person you expect to see reading four-color pamphlets.

And yet, comics are the perfect thing to read. You can finish one in less than 20 minutes, which is handy if the doctors are running late and you don’t know how long you’ll be waiting. If you’re anxious (and you probably are), an inability to concentrate is not a problem. Going back to find that plot-point you missed is easy. There is something I find soothing about watching unrealistically drawn people beat each other up. You are unlikely to come across a story that reminds you of your personal situation, and therefore you are even less likely to have to consider the less attractive aspects of human mortality.

While I enjoy the fictional violence, and don’t care who knows it, I find myself oddly self-conscious about sexual content. I love The Boys, but there is a lot of (hilarious) nudity in that book. It’s not something I feel comfortable accidentally exposing to other people waiting. They might not share my sense of humor. They probably have other things on their minds.

In any case, it’s easy to fold back the cover and be discreet.

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman

The production of Walt Disney’s take on The Lone Ranger began about a week ago and now we have our first glimpse of the famous masked man and his Native American sidekick. In case you forgot, the Ranger is played by Armie Hammer (J. Edgar) and the guy under the war paint is Johnny Depp, whose casting as Tonto two years backs helped make this movie a reality.

This is a clear departure from the more traditional blue fabric outfit the Ranger has been depicted in since the radio series began in the 1930s. The Ranger’s outfit has gone largely unchanged in comics, serials, television and tons of merchandise so this will help set it apart from what has come before.

Despite production nearly being derailed because of the inflated budget, it was retooled and finally green lit some months back. The official synopsis reads: Native American spirit warrior Tonto (Johnny Depp) recounts the untold tales that transformed John Reid (Armie Hammer), a man of the law, into a legend of justice-taking the audience on a runaway train of epic surprises and humorous friction as the two unlikely heroes must learn to work together and fight against greed and corruption.

The movie is being directed by Gore Verbinski and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, the team that worked magic with Depp in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Meantime, Depp will next be seen as Barnabas Collins in Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows, coming in May. He has been attached to numerous projects, playing one pop culture icon after another and most recently has been attached to a big screen adaptation of Kolchak the Night Stalker, based on Jeff rice’s novel and the ABC series featuring Darren McGavin.

Well, I didn’t see you at the Will Eisner panel/celebration, held last Thursday, March 1st, at the Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art, which, if you need to ask, is located at 594 Broadway, New York City, in the district known as SoHo. (And if you did need to ask…let’s just say that any comics reader, casual or otherwise, who is in lower Manhattan and has not yet visited MOCCA, and continues not to visit MOCCA just may have condemned themselves to an eternity of having Seduction of the Innocent read aloud to them by Bobcat Goldthwait.)

But back to the panel/celebration: you weren’t there and we didn’t miss you because we had what was pretty nearly a full house and that was gratifying. The “we” to whom I refer was three people who knew, or knew a lot about, Will, who died in 2005; Judy Hansen, Karen Green and your humble servant. Moderator was the always reliable and excellent Paul Levitz, so pertinent questions were asked, both of the panelists and the audience (of which you were not a member). I left knowing more than when I came, and I suspect that most of the other folk there did, too. I was particularly interested in Ms. Green’s discussion of Will’s business practices, which helped confirm my belief that Will Eisner was what Mark Twain wanted to be: a successful capitalist as well as a superb storyteller.

Did I mention gratifying? For openers, it’s always nice when someone of genuine merit gets recognized, especially when that person was a friend. And the fact that the venue for such recognition exists is nice, too. It indicates that the (always) artificial demarcations between “high” and “low” culture are going the way of the dinosaurs, and some would say, amen and about time.

(But not you because you probably wouldn’t be where amen and about time was being said.)

It might be possible, humbly, hat clutched in whitened fingers, to suggest that respectability does not always benefit what becomes respectable, but that is a pretty damn complicated topic for another occasion.

As we comics geeks continue our gradual trek toward the nicer parts of town, and the world outside our borders comes to recognize that the great comics guys – Eisner, Jack Kirby, Walt Kelly, and, no doubt, young others who are too busy at their boards to wonder about plaudits…these guys were as accomplished in their ways as Dickens and Michaelangelo were in theirs, we’ll have further opportunities to pay them the homage they deserve Is a televised awards ceremony too much to expect? Oh lordy, I hope so. (As I told you last wee, televised awards shindigs are, I boldly state, post-industrial versions of the Inquisition.)

Not that any of this concerns you. Awards? Panels? Not for you. You’re too busy watching Cops reruns. Bad boy bad boy.

FRIDAY: Martha Thomases

I was about 14 years old when Ballantine Books started their reprint series of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ John Carter of Mars. Being a science fiction fan, a character fiction fan, and fan who’s attracted to anything numbered sequentially, I devoured the series. I re-read the first five books about 12 years ago and I enjoyed them, albeit with a nostalgically jaundiced eye.

I was both amazed and, oddly, not surprised (they’re two different emotions) when my father told me he was a John Carter fan. He started reading them around 1928 – by then, the first book was about 16 years old. Sharing this bond was quite comforting: both John Carter, my father, and I were created in Chicago over a 38 year span.

There have been numerous comics adaptations. The first was for the newspapers and for Dell Comics, created by Burroughs’ son John Coleman Burroughs. Gold Key tried a few issues; despite Jesse Marsh’s art, they were pretty lackluster. Later on, both DC and Marvel got into the John Carter business – sequentially – and those projects attracted an amazing line-up of artists, including Murphy Anderson, Dave Cockrum, Ernie Colón, Larry Hama, Carmine Infantino, Gil Kane, Frank Miller, Walt Simonson, and Mike Vosburg. Whereas the latter Marvel issues were written by Chris Claremont and Peter Gillis, the majority of the DC/Marvel runs (by far) were penned by Marv Wolfman, and that stuff is among my favorite of his. And that says a lot. Later on, Dark Horse did some crossovers with Tarzan, and John Carter even popped up in the waning days of the classic Tarzan newspaper strip. Currently, both Dynamite Comics and Marvel are publishing the character – the latter is tied into the new movie, and the former is tied into a lawsuit.

There had been a great many attempts to bring John Carter to the screen, both large and small. If you dig around, you’ll find the legendary cartoonist Bob Clampett’s test footage and sketches – they were amazing, and I wish he was able to sell the project. I remember going to the International Licensing Show in the early part of this century and seeing a huge display for an upcoming movie adaptation – some stunning artwork, particularly in their mammoth backdrop. Sadly, none of these projects came to be. There was a movie released just a couple years ago starring Antonio Sabàto, Jr. and Traci Lords, but because I’m a nice guy who always maintains a civil tongue, I won’t mention it again.

This Friday, John Carter of Mars finally makes his big-time movie debut. Produced by Disney – not coincidentally the owner of Marvel Comics – if you haven’t seen any of the trailers, commercials or ads for the movie you just might be Stevie Wonder. For many, many reasons, I have set the bar for John Carter pretty high. My dad died six years ago, so I won’t be able to see it with him. But I notice my daughter Adriane is pretty excited about the movie, and I hope to extend the family bond to her this weekend.

By the way, this is John Carter’s 100^th anniversary. If you’re planning on sneaking a cake into the theater, please, don’t light the candles.

THURSDAY: Dennis O’Neil