Nope, this is not Mindy writing. Mindy’s a bit tied up right now. This weekend, her daughter Alixandra Gould married Jeffrey Gonzalez at the Newark New Jersey Art Museum.

Yes, Newark New Jersey has an art museum. Grow up.

People with Y-chromosomes who have never studied the process aren’t as appreciative as we should be about this process and its impact upon the mother of the bride. It’s far easier for us guys to simply do as we’re told (weddings aren’t really about us anyway) and stay away from the battlefield until it’s time to do the transformative I Do voodoo. For the mother of the bride, however, and in another fashion for the bride herself the experience consists of long periods of intense work separated by somewhat briefer periods of frantic behavior and occasional military acts, followed by an undefined period of complete collapse. It even takes its toll on those who do not have a day job; lucky for Mindy, I strongly suspect her years of service to humanity as an operating room nurse prepared her for this endeavor.

We-all at ComicMix congratulate Alixandra and Jeffrey and wish them a long, healthy and fun life together.

– Venerable Boy Editor

(photo by Adam Haley)

TUESDAY: Michael Davis, unless he’s getting married or something

John Wayne Cleaver is not a serial killer; he wants you to know that up front. He’s also not, sadly, a typical American teenager, though he somewhat wishes that he could be. Thirdly, he’s not officially a sociopath — that diagnosis can only be given to an adult, and John is only fifteen. What he has is instead called Antisocial Personality Disorder — he has an almost complete lack of empathy, simply not understanding what other people’s emotions are or connecting with them directly.

So John has to work his way through life by intellectually building models of what he thinks people are feeling, and of how he should respond to those feelings, and continually adapting his models to get closer to reality. He’s not all that good at it at the beginning of I Am Not A Serial Killer, the first novel he narrates, but give him a break: he’s a fifteen-year-old boy from a small town, and his brain doesn’t work the way everyone else’s does.

To make matters worse, he’s obsessed with violent death and with serial killers — and he’s smart enough to have noticed that he has all of the standard characteristics of a serial killer: a distant, abusive father who abandoned him, high IQ, frequently bullied, a fascination with fire, even bedwetting. And he doesn’t really want to get too far away from death — the most soothing thing in his life is helping out his mother and aunt in their family business, the mortuary downstairs from their apartment. But he definitely doesn’t want to kill people, and has built up a regimen of rules and avoidance techniques to keep the thoughts of torture and death at bay.

But then a real serial killer starts stalking John’s home town — Clayton, North Dakota [1] — and John can’t help but follow the case, working up his own profile of the killer. It gets worse when John accidentally sees the killer in action — and realizes not only that the murderer is his friendly elderly neighbor, Mr. Crowley, but that Crowley is some kind of supernatural creature, taking body parts from his victims to replace his own deteriorating organs and limbs. (more…)

After technical difficulties slowly derailed the best laid plans of Crazy 8 Press, my old story, “A Matter of Faith” is now available for the Kindle. The Nook edition will follow next week (once the IRS confirms I am really myself).

As discussed over at Crazy 8 Press recently, it’s one of two original short stories I’ve written and published through the years and I am pleased as punch to be able to have them available once more.

By all means, invest the 99 cents and see for yourself. As a bonus, there will be a sample chapter of Mike Friedman’s Fight the Gods, which will be available later this month. If you buy it, thank you. I certainly want your feedback.

I’ve had some medical tests recently. Seems I have heart palpitations; lordy me, Ah do seem to be a swoon and mint julep away from being a Southern belle. (Hm. Wonder if they make chocolate mint juleps?) It means that my heart skips a beat every so often.

So I went to a cardiologist and he set up a battery of tests to see what this all means. In the first one, they injected a radioactive tracer so they could then do X-rays of my heart from different angles and see what’s going on.

I was ready. I knew the score. If comic books have taught me anything, it’s that radioactivity triggers a DNA change and gives you super-powers. Prime example is Spider-Man – got his powers from a radioactive spider, right? The Hulk got his from gamma radiation, which is a type of nuclear radiation, right? And it was a stress test, okay? What happens when you combine radiation and stress? The Hulk.

So I figured the radioactive stuff would combine maybe with X-rays and I’d get X-ray vision whenever I stressed out. Or maybe a bug might creep into the machine and I’d get X-ray and bug like powers. Spider-Hulk.

All I got was a bill. Not a duck bill. Or a goose bill. I received a financial statement saying I owed them money. What a rip off!

They also did what is called an “Echo Test” a couple of days later. It’s like when they do a sonogram for pregnant women using ultrasound only they do it for the heart. Ultrasound, eh? Okay, that could become something. Something ultra. I know the Ultra line was a failed bunch of comics for Malibu that Marvel bought up and forgot they had until recently… but it could maybe work, right? Combine ultrasound with the radioactive particle and the stress test and maybe I wind up with ultra hearing and X-ray vision. Add in any Hulk-like side effects and now we’re getting somewhere!

Zap. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. That’s what I’ve gotten. So far.

When they did the second part of the stress test, I had a choice. I could climb on a treadmill and get my heart rate up to a certain point or they could do it via an injection of chemicals that would also make my heart beat faster. Of course, some of the shots of the naked Scarlett Johansson – soon to return as the Black Widow in The Avengers flick – that popped up on the web would also probably do the trick but I wasn’t offered that option.

It was a hard choice. We all know about the treadmill in The Flash and how he uses it combined with his superspeed for time travel. Maybe being on the treadmill would combine with an increased heartbeat and would trigger the change. Seemed reasonable.

I opted, however, for the chemical version for three reasons. One – that seemed more likely to interact with the other events and convert my DNA to complete the change. Two – if I got superspeed and went back in time, I might change a little something that would induce a reboot of reality and DC just did that and it resulted in a skinny Amanda Waller. Third – I could do the test lying down. At my age, if you can do something lying down, that’s the option you take.

So I got the chemicals injected, waited forty minutes for them to travel through my system, and went back for more x-rays. I had high hopes for this one. I’d seen Captain America – The First Avenger and that’s more or less what they did with Steve Rogers: injected him with chemicals and bathed him in rays. That turned out pretty spiffy, right? Not only did he get turned into Captain America but it was a pretty darn good superhero film to boot.

SPOILER WARNING: There are no spoilers. You already can guess the outcome. I just got test results is all. They said I was normal. Normal. Since when?

I go in to see the cardiologist next week to get the findings. Friends have suggested that all I’ll get told is that I have an overheated imagination.

If there’s a cure for that, I’m out of a job.

MONDAY: Mindy Newell

Moonstone Books Return of the Monsters titles will be available in comic shops on November 9th. Titles include Domino Lady vs. The Mummy, Black Bat vs. Dracula, and The Spider vs. Werewolf.

Domino Lady vs. The Mummy
The Egyptian sorceress Nephthys has promised to build her mummified mistress the perfect mate. Together, they cut a bloody swath across 1930’s Hollywood in search of the last few perfect bodies to harvest to complete the process. The last thing Nepthys or the mummy expected to run across was The Domino Lady, a perfect body that fights back.

Story: Nancy Holder, Bobby Nash
Art: Rock Baker, Jeff Austin
Cover: Dan Brereton
40 pages, grayscale, $3.99

Black Bat vs. Dracula
For the first time in history three eras collide in one place as Pulp Fiction’s newest heroine, Death Angel joins forces with Pulp’s enduring vigilante The Black Bat to battle the eternal face of horror, Dracula. Mike (The Phantom) Bullock and rising star Eric Johns bring this spine-tingling tale of darkness, lust and fear to you, wrapped in a visceral cover crafted by horror comic legend Dan Brereton.

Story: Mike Bullock
Art: Eric Johns
Cover: Dan Brereton
40 pages, grayscale, $3.99

The Spider vs. Werewolf.
A seething, ferocious nightmare from the Spider’s dark past invades New York City, preying upon the innocent and the helpless. Mutilated victims are strewn in the blood-slick streets, and once normal men have become murderous monsters. The Master of Men must face the deadly demons alone. Not even his beloved Nita Van Sloan can be trusted when everyone—including the Spider himself—may not be what they seem.

Story: Martin Powell
Art: Jay Piscopo
Cover: Dan Brereton
40 pages, grayscale, $3.99

For more information on Moonstoen Books, please visit them at http://www.moonstonebooks.com/.

…or at least your voice. Taking a cue from the recording of an audience at San Diego Comic-Con for crowd noise in Tron: Legacy, composer Hans Zimmer wants you to add your voice and try for a chance to be included in The Dark Knight Rises. Says Zimmer:

I’m shining the bat-signal up into the sky to call you all!

We need to hear your voices! Now and Loud! We are creating the sound of a worldwide chant. Everyone come and be part of it. It’s easy:

There is no such thing as out-of-tune, no timing we can’t fix later. If you mumble, growl, scream or whisper, it’s all good. Make it yours. If you only get halfway through, no problem! Do it alone, bring your friends, but do it with energy and commitment.

Let your voice be heard and be a part of our adventure!”

Go to UJAM – The Dark Knight Rises and get the information.

Man, the IMDB page on this movie is going to be huge…