Tagged: Captain America

Marc Alan Fishman: How To Succeed In Comics Without Really Trying

fishman-art-131221-150x43-3070732Consider this a free lesson in becoming a rich and successful writer, be it in Hollywood, comic books, TV, movies… whatever. Yes kiddos, you too can be a mega-player in the game if you follow my patent-pending advice. And since there’s no use to wasting time, let me get to them write now. Get it?

Copy someone better than you. See, I’m already gonna copy legendary John Ostrander, who in his article this very week gave out five tips to aspiring writers as well. But as you’ll learn, babe, it’s not about who did it first… just who does it next. I recall, fondly, that one of my professors at college had his intro to screenwriting class begin the year by dissecting their favorite romantic comedy for structure, and then literally rewrite it according to the corresponding skeleton etched out. Nifty, eh? So when the chips are down and your screen is blank, just boot up Netflix, and get prepared to appropriate your masterpiece.

Retcon it, reboot it, or make a prequel/sequel! Why waste your time creating an original piece of work when you can start where someone else started? As a natural next-step of copying someone who is better than you, you can get oodles of dollars by simply refraining from even considering originality as an option. DC Comics may have canceled a Batman series recently, but you best believe that someone else will fill in the slot the second they see an uptick in BatSales. It’s their New52 M.O.: when sales spike, it’s time to expand! Justice League look good? Make it dark! Make it American! Make it StormWatch! Err… Simply put, if you want to be a resource to those folks who sign the big checks? Then be prepared to take on the franchise when the original creator is off doing whatever it is “artists” do. Remember, you want to be writer… not an artist.

When the editor says “Jump”, already be in the air. When you’re in the air? Be screaming “Is this high enough?!” You see, in today’s market, the writer is just another tool in the box. One need not be “good” as much as “serviceable.” When he-who-signs-the-paychecks demands you kill a character off, or refrain from being “too gay,” you salute them, thank them for their bold choices, and immediately write exactly what they’re looking for. If they’re vague? See tips #1 and #2 above. You can never go wrong by pitching to them that which they already know. At the end of the day, they want money. The market proves to us day in and day out that one need not break barriers, blow minds, or explore new territory with our creative fiction. What sells today is what sold yesterday… with a shiny new coating.

Kill off as many characters as needed to feel edgy. Look kids: sex and death sell. Nothing in fiction is off limits. Hell, they killed a major character on Family Guy not even a month ago, and boom, he’s back. Captain America? Time bullet. Batman? Time warp. Thor? Ragnorak. The X-Men? Time vortex. Get violent if you need to. Hell, Man of Steel and The Avengers leveled near entire cities to make their point. Better yet, they gave away the secret to how you end things afterwards. Want your audience to leave with a knowing smirk on their face? Have your heroes be a bit witty amidst the wanton destruction, and maybe let them get a sandwich. Need your audience to feel remorse for all the devastation? Have your hero scream in agony, and then end on the witty retort. Boom. Roll the credits, and whatever you do… Do not forget the stinger. Thanks to Mickey, we have to end everything, and then end it again. Or, pull a Jackson: end your piece, and then end it eight more times. Each time make it gayer and more emotionally despondent. People eat that crap up like McRibs.

Remember that the critics, fans, et al don’t matter anymore. In the age of the Internet, everyone is a critic. Thanks to news sites, blogs, somehow-still-alive newspapers, social media, et cetera, every new release is covered by hundreds of would-be pundits. No matter your score, trust me, you’re fine. If you deliver an atrocity? You’ll pop up on everybody’s Worst Of lists, and your sales will spike as rubber-neckers come to guffaw. Get a middle of the road review? Just head to the comment section, and accuse yourself (anonymously) of being gay, racist, or a gay-racist. Then, as yourself, open up an Instagram account, and post angst-riddled notes of how depressing your life is. Soon enough, they’ll forget if your work was any good anyways. Hell, go apeshit and you could end up like Charlie Sheen. He went AWOL, and nabbed a 20/90 backend multi-season pickup for a show so by-the-book, most scripts are handled via an AOL mad-lib generator.

As far as fans go, just know that you’re safe. When you do an acceptable job writing up the expectable (it is a word now.), only elitist Onion readers will get up in arms. Do you really care if a horn-rimmed glasses wearing, curly mustachioed, corduroy and bow-tie bedazzled Arcade Fire fan thinks your work is shallow and pedantic? Do you mind that I just lifted a line straight off The Simpsons? Of course you don’t! At the end of the day, you want a paycheck and a fluffy credit. I want a yes-man. It’s a win-win situation.

The key to this all is simple. The world is going to end eventually. You’re either going to be frozen is actual carbonite (rich people have the technology – for real) or buried in a pine box right off the highway. It’s your call. Live and eat well by doing what they tell you to do, or have a backbone and visible ribs. The choice is yours. Your foolproof plan is laid out above.

When you’re famous, do me a solid and link back to this article. I’m cold, and extra readers keeps my furnace running.

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

MONDAY: Mindy Newell

 

MIXED REVIEWS: “Thor: The Dark World”

  • News
  • November 8, 2013

thor_payoff_1-sht_v2_lg-300x444-1713182It’s been a while since we’ve done one of these, and this time we’re bringing in Sara Raasch to mix things up a bit with Glenn Hauman as we talk about Thor: The Dark World.

Glenn: So. How long have you been waiting for this film?

Sara: I was actually less hyped about this than any of the other Marvel films. I enjoyed Thor, but of the Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase One, excluding The Incredible Hulk, it was my least favorite. I didn’t buy tickets till after a friend saw it at the premiere. The thing that made me choose to go to the opening night screening rather than waiting was Loki. I really feel like he and Banner stole the show in The Avengers. So as it became clear that he was going to have a large role in Thor: The Dark World, I became more excited about it.

Glenn: What worked for you here that didn’t work as much in the first film? What improved for you?

Sara: I liked that the movie took itself more seriously than the first film and that it did away with the sorta slapstick Greek god fish outta water humor. I was glad he grew out of his petulant teenager phase.

Glenn: Thor was really Thor, in other words. Not so much humbled as humble. Although he still has trouble making his parents happy.

Sara: True. But that’s true to the comics and his back story.

Glenn: In so many ways, the story of Thor is one of family— not dysfunction, per se, but disapproval. In the first movie, Thor was a headstrong kid who couldn’t make his dad happy. In this one, he’s a more mature individual and he still can’t make his dad happy– and this time, it’s more Dad’s fault.

Sara: Yes, but even within that, they are all dedicated to each other.

Glenn: Very true. Thor and Frigga are still even loyal to Loki, at different levels.

Sara: The other thing that I found so much improved from the first movie was the size of the world. The first movie seemed very small. So much of the film was spent in that town in the middle of the desert. Where as in Thor: The Dark World we got to see Thor and crew across the 9 realms.

Glenn: And even on Earth, we get London and Greenwich as compared to New Mexico.

Sara: And then the Asgard sets were stunning.

Glenn: Did you see the film in 3D?

Sara: I did, which I normally wouldn’t do– I hate 3D movies. But I really wanted to see the 5 minutes of Captain America: The Winter Soldier footage.

Glenn: Do you feel the actors improved, or the characters and what they were given to do?

Sara: In general, both. I felt like the acting was consistently good with a few exceptions. Zachary Levi’s character fell flat for me. And as always, Kat Dennings plays Kat Dennings.

Glenn: But not as annoyingly as in 2 Broke Girls, so thanks for small miracles.

Sara: I thought Christopher Eccleston was good, but not exceptional, which is shocking becuase in general I love Eccleston.

Glenn: Eccleston was good, although it led to a particular moment of dissonance— when you see dimensional rifts opening up over England, my instinctive reaction is to wonder where the Time Lord is— and here he’s on the wrong side.

Sara: Fantastic!

Glenn: And while we’re on the subject of bad guys… your object of affection…

Sara: So, okay, I’m obviously biased here, becuase I think Tom Hiddleston is the bee’s knees.

Glenn: You and half of the female audience for these films.

Sara: That being said. I really do think he’s a great actor. And I thought Loki was well done. For me the interactions between him and Thor really worked. And It was nice to see his character get at least a glimmer of redemption after the events of The Avengers.

Glenn: The thing that the movies have brought in a way the comics didn’t get for a long time if ever, is the family bond between these two. Only recently (he says, revealing his age) have they acted like siblings.

Sara: And I thought that really came across. Even after Loki denies his adopted Asgardian legacy, these two really are brothers. And they are each driven to achieve greatness and glory in their own way

Glenn: And they may still do so, although… well, why ruin the surprises?

Sara: You know I have a strict no spoiler policy!

Glenn: Yep. So we won’t even mention the fun cameos. However, we can say to stick around to the very end of the credits for two add-ons, right?

Sara: Yes, reasonable to say.

Glenn: How about the rest of the cast?

Sara: Wait, there were people in this movie other than Tom Hiddleston?

Glenn: Yes. The one with the big biceps? The crazy guy without pants? The hot chick in the leather armor?

Sara: Can I be Sif when I grow up?

Glenn: Well, I won’t complain if you grow up to be Sif.

Sara: I thought Chris Hemsworth did an excellent job as Thor. He has the range as an actor to pull of his machismo bravada as well as his softer moments with Natalie Portman.

Glenn: Hemsworth showed more charm than his previous outings, as though he’s finally found the right balance to play at being a Norse thunder god, a prince of the realm, and still a guy who can’t quite get everything to work perfectly and is a bit troubled by it.

Sara: I’m not sold on the chemistry between him and Portman.

Glenn: Me neither, but there’s certainly more here than, say, with Hayden Christiansen.

Sara: I was gonna reference that.

Glenn: Well, when you have that kissieface moment on the lake right out of Episode II–

Sara: Ugh. Ohh, how can we forget Idris Elba reprising his role as Heimdall. I was super disappointed that he was not, in fact, cancelling the apocalypse.

Glenn: He was actually the one character that seemed a bit diminished from the first film.

Sara: His performance felt pretty phoned in. He seemed one dimensional, and in general Elba can act, so I can’t help but wonder whos fault it was, his, the writers, the directors.

Glenn: I blame whoever had the idea to have him take off his helmet. It made him… fallible, rather this bronze guardian. So— is it worth seeing again?

Sara: I’d watch it again. In 2d this time. Like I said, I’m not big on 3d in movies in general and I didn’t feel that the 3d in Thor: The Dark World was either particularly groundbreaking, well done or integral to the movie experience.

Glenn: I think this was an upconversion job, and it really didn’t need to be. But with this film we now have scale that we didn’t have before, now that the origin movie’s out of the way. Granted, there’s still a lot of setup being laid for the next few films…

Sara: NO SPOILERS! But yes, I’m excited for the next pieces of the MCU Phase 2. As long as Marvel can avoid another misstep a la Iron Man 2.

Glenn: Well, the tough one is two films down the road. Can we at least tell people to rush to see it or next week’s Agents of SHIELD may be spoiled for them?

Sara: Yeah I think that’s fair game.

Glenn: Watch the film! And hope that the TV show measures up.

Sara: Fingers crossed for a Loki cameo next week!

Glenn: Hey— no spoilers, remember? We post this, and those women who just can’t get enough of Tom Hiddleston are going to be all a-flutter.

Sara: So true.

Dennis O’Neil: The Mighty Marvel Movie

originalHey there, true believer, when you book to the multiplex to see the new Thor flick, you won’t be seeing just a movie, or even just a superhero movie – you’ll be seeing a Marvel movie! And you’ll know it almost from the moment the feature begins to unreel. How? Easy! The word MARVEL will be splashed across the big screen, white letters against a red field – no point in being subtle, here. There may be references to other Marvel movies as the drama unfolds and, count on this, after the end credits – and you are going to stay for them, aren’t you? – there will be a brief final scene that hooks you into another Marvel movie! Or two, maybe.

Almost like it was all planned from the beginning, this creation of the Marvel brand, and in a way, it was. And by “beginning” I don’t mean…oh, say 2002, when Tobey McGuire put on the Spidey suit and began slinging webs. No, we’re referring to the 1960s when Stan Lee was busy revolutionizing the comic book biz. He once told me that he wanted everything Marvel to support everything else Marvel, and he made that happen, insofar as it could happen back in the dark ages. (No Internet? No smart phones? iPads? Google? Facebook? Not even – you gotta be kidding me! – fax machines?)

So Smilin’ Stan Lee created the Marvel Universe, a mirror image of our universe, but a universe not quite so beholden to life’s drearier realities – one in which superheroes could and did exist. Characters from one title popped up in another title and all the costume wearers seemed to know, or at least know of, each other. It was a cohesive fictional construct, this Marvel Universe, and it was given to us almost whimsically; footnotes and text pages and even cover copy emphasized fun and hinted that we didn’t have to take anything in a Marvel book too seriously. Y’know, just hunker down and enjoy. Oh, and you didn’t have much doubt that you were reading, not just a comic book, but a Marvel comic book.

The movie and television folk seem to have learned from the smilin’ one. They’ve taken Stan Lee’s paradigm, adapted it to their media, and achieved marketing success and, recently, a fair degree of artistic respectability. What Stan might call “the Marvel manner” has survived metamorphosis from cheap pulp magazine filler to the stuff of hugely elaborate and technologically sophisticated cinema.

Those cheap pulp magazines? Well, they’re not pulpy anymore and, let’s face it, not so darn cheap, either. But they’re still comic books – Marvel comic books. Somehow, the publishing arm of the Marvel empire has preserved some of its identity though decades of varying ownership and turnover of personnel in both the marketing and the editorial offices. And a lot of artists and writers, including your humble correspondent, have worked for and/or at both Marvel and its rival DC, and still at least a ghost of Stan Lee’s vision persists.

I haven’t mentioned Marvel’s television show, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Well, the lead character has mentioned his appearance in Marvel’s big screen Avengers and the word on the street is that S.H.I.E.L.D. will have some connection to the next Captain America flick. ‘Nuff said?

THURSDAY AFTERNOON: The Tweaks!

FRIDAY MORNING: Martha Thomases

Check out the Captain America Trailer

capt2_teaser2_1-sht_v9-2-e1382796199209-6990264In the better late than never department, we present to you the just-released trailer for next April’s Captain America: The Winter Solider. In the trailer, you will find Black Widow, Nick Fury, the Falcon, and the Winter Soldier. Not glimpsed is Sharon Carter but she’s in this stuffed tale as well. It looks pretty darn cool.

Genre:                          Action-Adventure
Rating:                          TBD
U.S. Release date:        April 4, 2014

Cast:                            Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Cobie Smulders, Frank Grillo, Emily VanCamp, Hayley Atwell with Robert Redford as                                                   Alexander Pierce and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury

Directors:                      Anthony and Joe Russo
Producer:                      Kevin Feige
Executive Producers:     Louis D’Esposito, Victoria Alonso,  Michael Grillo, Alan Fine, Stan Lee
Screenplay by:               Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely (credit not final)

After the cataclysmic events in New York with The Avengers, Marvel’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier finds Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, living quietly in Washington, D.C. and trying to adjust to the modern world. But when a S.H.I.E.L.D. colleague comes under attack, Steve becomes embroiled in a web of intrigue that threatens to put the world at risk. Joining forces with the Black Widow, Captain America struggles to expose the ever-widening conspiracy while fighting off professional assassins sent to silence him at every turn. When the full scope of the villainous plot is revealed, Captain America and the Black Widow enlist the help of a new ally, the Falcon. However, they soon find themselves up against an unexpected and formidable enemy—the Winter Soldier.

Based on the ever-popular Marvel comic book series, first published in 1941, Marvel’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier is produced by Kevin Feige, directed by Anthony and Joe Russo, from a screenplay by Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely, and stars Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Cobie Smulders, Frank Grillo, Emily VanCamp and Hayley Atwell, with Robert Redford as Alexander Pierce and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury.

In Marvel’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers teams up with Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow, to battle a powerful yet shadowy enemy in present-day Washington, D.C.

REVIEW: Iron Man 3

iron-man-3-packaging-300x181-8032545Like most people, I enjoyed the heck out of Iron Man 3; it was fast, loud, noisy, and things blew up really well. The handoff from Jon Favreau to Shane Black was a step in the right direction and the casting was superb.

The movie, out now from Paramount Home Video, is definitely a sequel to The Avengers and not Iron Man 2, which everyone now seems to have declared a misfire. Clearly, the United States government has backed off demanding the armor now that they owe him their lives. It didn’t hurt that he allowed Jim Rhodes to keep the War Machine armor for America’s use.

Having Tony Stark deal with the aftermath of nearly dying while trying to end an alien invasion gave the film a nice weight, allowing us to explore the character from a new perspective. The metaphor of his anxiety and the malfunctioning Mark 42 armor was nicely handled without being heavy-handed. This was definitely a Tony Stark movie and Robert Downey Jr. nailed it. We saw his cockiness, insecurities and sheer brilliance, but all the same person.

While Stark is tinkering on armor after armor to combat his sleepless nights, a global terrorist named the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley) has reared his head, hijacking the airwaves and demonstrating a cold-blooded approach. He keeps promising the President of the United States (William Sadler) a lesson and Black’s script gets fuzzy about what it is the Mandarin wants.

robert-downey-jr-iron-man-3-teaser-trailer-tony-stark-marvel1-e1379880305405-3085354Meanwhile, Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce) arrives at Stark Industries seeking something and again, what he wants is unclear but Pepper Potts nicely turns him down. As we have already learned, Killian has cleaned up nicely since his 1999 encounter with Stark when he first explained his desire to form a company called Advanced Idea Mechanics. In between, he wound up partnering with Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall), the brilliant scientist Stark blew Killian off to bed. The two have wound up creating a bio-repair formula dubbed Extremis that not only can repair injuries but somehow superheats the body. Early experiments resulted in subjects going boom but Killian and his flunky Savin (James Badge Dale), and others have mastered it, becoming superhuman engines of destruction.

Now that we have all the elements in place, Black stirs the pot and things happen. Unfortunately, they don’t all blend terribly well so you have the richness of Stark’s dilemma but Hansen’s fall from grace is half-baked at best, a disappointment and waste. As much as the film is a joy to watch, I came away thinking it could have been better had everyone but Tony Stark been given more to do.

Pepper has no character arc this time around. She loves Tony, is frustrated by him, and becomes a damsel in distress, looking great all the while. But, she’s given no time to actually reflect on what happens to her in the final act and how that colors her view of the world that has changed around her. I also missed the wit of the exchanges between them that came from Joss Whedon’s pen. Here, it was perfunctory. Same with Rhodes. There’s a nice running gag about War Machine being renamed Iron Patriot but he just flies around and banters with Tony. The President and Vice President (Miguel Ferrer) should have had more to do than be chess pieces Black rapidly moves around the board.

Speaking of rapid, the ease with which the armors attach and detach themselves to Stark (and others) strained credulity throughout the film. When all the armors arrive for the fiery climax, they are readily shredded making on wonder if they are attached with Velcro. There’s been a steady increase in speed with which the suits of armor can come on and off, which is to be expected, but this has gone too far, too fast.

As for those who will complain about the radical reinterpretation of The Mandarin from his comic book past – I sympathize. But even when he was introduced in the early 1960s he was already a bit of an anachronistic foe. Frankly, this was the best way he could have been used without inviting commentary about it being a racist gesture, angering their Chinese co-producers. And by casting Ben Kingsley, you couldn’t have asked for a more perfect choice. He steals every scene he’s in.

The film kicks off Marvel Cinema Universe Phase 3 but does nothing obvious to continue the threads we saw at the end of Phase 2, the threat from Thanos. The closest we come is seeing that time has passed and Tony is still hanging around with Dr. Banner. I’ll be curious which film really propels us towards 2015′s Avengers 2. Despite the total absence of SHIELD in the film, the world is richer with the addition of AIM and Roxxon, elements we will no doubt be seeing on film — and television — in the future.

As for the video edition, it comes in the usual assortment of packages so decide which combo pack works best for you, including those who think 3-D TV is the future. My standard Blu-ay disc looked fabulous, with sharp detail and rich colors. I’m not sure it will get better than this, aided by stellar sound. The DTS-HD Master Audio 7.1 surround track lets you hear every engine roar through the skies.

Thankfully, you won’t have to scurry from store to store to secure all the bonus content but what there is leaves you wanting more (which will make you wait for the Phase 2 box set sometime in 2015 or 2016).

Black and co-writer Drew Pearce provide some interesting color commentary showing how much thought went into structuring the film given all that has come before it. You do get a fairly standard Restore the Database Second Screen Experience assuming you want to download the Jarvis app and locate the content (which is becoming as annoying as the AR moments embedded in the comics).

Additionally, there is Iron Man 3 Unmasked (11 minutes), a routine behind-the-scenes featurette that should have been far longer and more detailed. Instead, they give us Deconstructing the Scene: Attack on Air Force One (9 minutes), showing how much was real versus CGI, which is impressive these days. There are also Deleted and Extended Scenes (16 minutes) which is interesting, entertaining, and mostly thankfully not in the final product. As one would expect, anything with Downey in it means the Gag Reel (5 minutes) is funnier than usual although Cheadle nearly steals this featurette. And in case you missed that Thor: The Dark World is arriving in November; you get a two minute sneak peek.

The bonus highlight is Marvel One-Shot: Agent Carter (15 minutes), focusing on Peggy Carter, Captain America’s paramour from his first feature. Hayley Atwell is back in the title role (now rumored to being considered for a television series), joined by the always entertaining Bradley Whitford, and the return of Dominic Cooper as Howard Stark. She runs, jumps, kicks ass and we love it.

Mike Gold: Superman, Captain America, and Hitler – In 2013

gold-art-130724-1278051If you’re in Chulalongkorn University’s freshman art class… well, you’re in Thailand. And you’re attending one of that nation’s leading schools.

Oh yeah, and you’re also as dumb as a bag of doorknobs. And The Simon Wiesenthal Center doesn’t think much of you.

Go figure. As you can see from the above photo, the freshmen painted a farewell banner to the outgoing class of 2013. Yes, that’s Superman, Batman, Captain America, the Incredible Hulk, and Adolf Hitler sending the graduates off to their future.

The idea was to show that good and bad people coexist in the world, according to school dean Dr. Suppakorn Disatapundhu. He also said “(We) would like to formally express our sincere apology for our students’ superhero mural… I can assure you we are taking this matter very seriously.” He did; they took it down. Well, they took it down after two days. And after photos got out showing enrobed graduates imitating the infamous Nazi salute.

You will note the superheroes (giving the Hulk the benefit of the doubt) were in color and Wicked Uncle Adolf was in greytones. “They told me the concept was to paint a picture of superheroes who protect the world,” Dr. Suppakorn told the Associated Press. “Hitler was supposed to serve as a conceptual paradox to the superheroes.” I guess something got lost in translation. The Camptown ladies sing this song, Doo-da, Doo-da…

Now, as a professional comic book editor (depending upon how you define “professional”), I would not hire these students. But it’s not out of any perceived sense of anti-Jewish or pro-Hitler feelings. Absent of other information, I’m willing to take Dr. Suppakorn at his word. And I wouldn’t pass them by because they are undereducated. If you can draw swell and you make deadlines and you don’t throw up on the publisher’s rug, you’ll get lots of work.

I wouldn’t hire them because, artistically speaking, these kids really suck at their chosen profession.

As for the folks at the Wiesenthal Center: you guys gotta work on that “Never Again” thing. You’re losing traction.

THURSDAY MORNING: Dennis O’Neil

THURSDAY AFTERNOON: Martin Pasko

 

Marc Alan Fishman: Top 5 Reasons Batman Beats Captain America

fishman-130720-7904906OK, honest confession time. The geek blogger extraordinaire for Chicago’s newspaper Red Eye, Elliot Serrano, posted on his Facebook page that there were three things he knew to be facts:

  1. Schroedinger’s cat was dead. There’s no air-holes in the box.
  2. Superman never kills. For any reason. The End.
  3. Batman would lose in a fight to Captain America.

Now, upon seeing this – perhaps because I was in a crabby mood – I was immediately consumed with anger. I swore vengeance on Elliot. Luckily he’s of the sporting kind, and told me I was allowed to disagree with just one of those aforementioned facts. Well Mr. FancyHam? Let’s tackle this issue of one Mr. Rogers and Mr. Wayne. Submitted here for you, Elliot and my intrepid Fishmongers…. the top five reasons Batman mops the floor with Mickey’s super soldier.

  1. Gadgets. Unlike Cap, who chooses to limit his preparedness to a shield and a few MRE’s stashed in an errant thigh-pouch, Batman’s utility belt is 36” of versatility built for battle. Beyond a plethora of Batarangs and smoke pellets, Cap will also have to deal with freeze grenades, plasma torches, electrical tazers, and lord knows what else is tucked away. Sure, most of these will end up being a distraction at best when it comes to a full-on fight for nerd-supremacy, but that’s exactly what they are there for in this case. Batman unloads his belt busters to throw Cappy off his game. And then? Bat-boot to the face.
  2. Combat Training. Captain America is easily considered on the top fighters in the Marvel Universe. Obviously he went through boot camp basics after becoming a super soldier. After he thawed out, he continued to train on the battlefield. He is the ultimate soldier. His combat is built to stop an opponent quickly, so that he can move on. Batman, in contrast, is a student of the world. He took years – years – to hone his craft. He learned martial arts from several masters. He learned the art of escape from top escape artists. He learned to use fear and his environment to his advantage. And then? Then he learned on the field. Cap fans will be quick to point out that Rogers has been fighting since WWII. What they tend to forget that in cannon he was frozen for a solid 40 or so years. In my mind, he’s technically the same age as Batman in this mock fight. With that in mind, Batman has had more training, from better trainers. Beyond that? Batman has fought super soldiers before. And they didn’t win either.
  3. Friends. Captain America has the Avengers at his disposal. That’s quite a lofty roster. He also could claim a few X-Men, and his former sidekick The Falcon. Batman has the Justice League. He also has large parts of the Justice Society (I’m so not counting the New 52, suck it.). And when it comes to sidekicks? Bats has a small army there too. If they stood across from one another on the field of battle? Sorry Mousecateers. You’re outgunned, outnumbered, and out-Batmaned.
  4. Stategic Thinking. Sorry kiddos, this is gonna be a mean point to make. Face facts: When Captain America wants to win the day? He punches things and makes speeches until Reed Richards or Tony Stark figure out what to do. And when Tony disagreed with Cap? Well, we all know how great things turned out after Civil War, right? In contrast Batman’s so good, his backup plans were good enough to detain the Justice League. His A.I. almost broke reality down because it could. And when he needs to save the day? He can do it from his wrist-top computer while he’s crotch-punching the Riddler.
  5. Vehicles. Look, no good fight can be with just bare knuckles alone. Captain America has had a few cool rides every now and again. Batman has the Batmobile. Now, if I were to be so kind and give Cap the Triskellion to borrow for this little fracas, he just might have an edge. But if I were to be that nice? Well I’d have Batman borrow his Justice League space-station. And the heli-carrier can’t go into space. What about SWORD you ask? Sorry… it’s dealing with some problem with asteroid-M. At the end of the day, we know the Batmobile has way more tricks than any S.H.E.I.L.D. Hum-Vee. Plus chicks dig it. That alone tips the hat towards Batman.

I see it like this: Captain America is very skilled. In a bare-knuckle brawl against Bruce Wayne, in a ring, with no prep time, and nothing to fall back on? He’ll get in more than a few good licks. But a comic-book fight is not so cut and dry. If it were, it’d be boring. In this dream-fight, Cap and Bats would hurl everything they had at each other. After Superman and Wonder Woman drag Thor and the Hulk to the other side of the world… After Nightwing and Bucky are sucking down pity beers in a local pub over how short their run with the big-boy pants on was… After the Batmobile and Cap-Cycle are in ruin… after every last gimmick and gadget has torn Cap’s uniform into rags… After Batman resets a dislocated shoulder from one to many hits from a shield…. It comes down to two men ready to end the fight. Batman is better trained, and smarter. Captain America, even with enhanced speed and strength, is no different in Batman’s eye than any of the cadre of folks he’s bested in combat.

With a final firing of a Bat-Flare to the face (he was hiding it in his glove), dazed and confused… Batman sidesteps Cap’s haymaker, dodges the feinting jab Cap tried to sneak in, and jumps over Cap’s now clumsily executed leg sweep. After that? It’s just five quick thrusts to pressure points Stevie didn’t even know existed, and then a long nap. Broken, but not beaten… the Bat limps away in victory. And Elliot, if you’ll look under your chair, you’ll see this fight was decided before if even began. When the dust settles down, Batman is Batman. Captain America is just a patriotic drug-user.

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

MONDAY: Mindy Newell

 

GUEST ESSAY BY AUTHOR MICHAEL A. GONZALES-B-BOYS, PULP CULTURE, AND BLACK PULP!

  • News
  • June 22, 2013

On B-Boys and Pulp Culture:

Black Pulp edited by Gary Phillips and Tommy Hancock

by Michael A. Gonzales

gonzales-9458273
Michael A. Gonzales

Planet Hip-Hop has always overflowed with folks into various forms of

pulp culture. Over the years, I’ve interviewed many rap artists and

producers who shared their love for Star Wars, crime movies, karate

flicks and the novels of Iceberg Slim and Donald Goines. Still, I was

surprised when Queensbridge legend Nas told me in 1999 that he had

once created a Black Pulp hero when he was a kid.

“I used to used to draw my own character called Sea God,” Nas told me.

“I copied the body of Conan the Barbarian, but had him standing on the

corner instead of in the forest.” Without a doubt, I’m sure Nas isn’t

the only one with a stash of drawings and/or writings detailing the

bugged adventures of urban champions.

Last year, when respected crime novelist/comic book writer Gary

Phillips invited me to contribute a short story to his latest project

Black Pulp (Pro Se, 2013), co-edited with Tommy Hancock, I immediately

thought of that long ago conversation with Nas and decided I too

wanted to create a hood hero.

Leaning back in my office chair, I closed my eyes and thought of my

own pulp filled childhood growing-up in Harlem: of listening to old

Shadow radio programs that were released on records, watching

blaxploitation and kung-fu flicks every weekend, devouring the

Marshall Rodgers/Steve Englehart’s version of Batman, discovering the

weird worlds of Edgar Rice Burroughs and Robert E. Howard, watching

Buck Rogers/Flash Gordon serials on PBS and falling in love with the

work of pulp artist supreme Howard Chaykin, the dude George Lucas

requested to illustrate the first Star Wars comic book.

After an hour of drifting on those dusty memories, quicker than I

could say, “Batman and Robin, Green Hornet and Kato or Easy Rawlins

and Mouse,” my own pulp heroes Jaguar and Shep were born. The lead

character Coltrane (Jaguar) Jones owns a Harlem rap club called the

Bassment and drives through Harlem cool as Super Fly in a fly sports

car. His murderous friend Shep, who just got out of prison, becomes

his badass sidekick as the two self-appointed crime fighters go in

search of a music minded kidnapper.

Although I’ve never been big on constructing strict outlines for

fiction, I knew that I wanted the period to be 1988, the last year

Mayor Koch was in office. Crack was at its height, Public Enemy’s

brilliant It Takes a Nation of Millions was rockin’ the boulevards,

Dapper Dan was creating his bugged designer fashions and New York City

was still on the verge exploding.

Recalling Fab 5 Freddy, who also appears in the story, telling me

about the jazz/hip-hop shows he did with Max Roach at the Mudd Club in

the 1980s, the finished story told the tale of a be-bop lover trying

to rid b-boys and their music from the streets of Sugar Hill.

While working on the story, I consulted with my good friend Robert

(Bob) Morales, himself an accomplished comic book writer, co-creator

of the black Captain America graphic novel The Truth and a pulp

culture aficionado. Although he was working on a graphic novel about

Orson Welles at the time, he always found the time to talk. Once, when

I thought the Paul Pope/John Carpenter-Escape from New York inspired

climax might be too crazy, Bob reminded me, “It’s a pulp story…there’s

no such thing as too wild.”

So, after several weeks of calling Bob, sometimes a few times a day,

and writing, “Jaguar and the Jungleland Boogie” was finally finished.

Sadly, Bob Morales died suddenly on April 17, so I’d like to dedicate

the story to him.

In addition to my b-boy/be-bop tale, Black Pulp has a cool line-up of

creators of color that include famed novelist Walter Mosley, who

penned the introduction, Gar Anthony Heywood, Christopher Chambers,

Kimberly Richardson, Mel Odom and others.

Walter Mosley introduction:

Downey Signed for Avengers 2-3 — What Happens Next?

  • News
  • June 20, 2013

Iron-Man-II-Tony-StarkTo the surprise of few, Marvel announced on their website today that Robert Downey, Jr. would don the armor at least two more times. What’s interesting is that the two films he signed for are Avengers 2 and Avengers 3, the latter of which has yet to be given a formal green-light or spot on the Disney release schedule.

Downey has been handsomely rewarded for his early participation in the Marvel film universe, earning a reported $50 million for his work in the first Avengers film in addition to his salary from the first three Iron Man movies.

As the Marvel Film Universe continues, Phase 2 is well mapped out and with the claiming of two weekends in 2016 and 2017; Disney is clearly staking their territory for Phase 3. Speculation abounds as to what Phase 3 will be comprised of but with today’s announcement, it is increasingly clear the solo Iron Man series are done for now. Instead, other characters will fill the void with projected second sequels to Captain America, Thor, and one for Guardians of the Galaxy leading the way. Should Edgar Wright’s Ant Man succeed, that too would spawn a sequel. Meantime, an armload of other heroes and heroines are being eyed for the Big Screen.

050412-the-avengersAt present, Marvel has not announced if Black Panther, Doctor Strange, The Inhumans, or Heroes for Hire are being seriously developed or merely teased. No one saw Guardians coming so the possibilities are really limitless.

Add into the mix the recently returned rights to films featuring Blade, Ghost Rider, and Daredevil and Marvel has an embarrassment of riches. All of which leads one to wonder when the saturation point will be felt. That could come as early as next summer when four Marvel films from three studios are released in four months, starting with April’s Captain America: The Winter Solider leading the way, followed by The Amazing Spider-Man 2, X-Men: Days of Future Past, and Guardians. Sony has also just announced third and fourth installments of the current Spider-Man series of films with several plot threads added in the second film.

It has been speculated that Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD television series may be used as a launching pad for new film properties or television series. While the CW’s Smallville trotted out numerous spin-off possibilities from Aquaman to Booster Gold, none of them succeeded and there’s no guarantee Marvel will be any more successful, even with Joss Whedon’s intimate involvement.

DC Entertainment has finally succeeded with getting their cinematic universe off the ground with the smash success of Man of Steel. While its sequel is being fast-tracked for, most likely, a 2015 release, they’ll be playing catch-up well into the 2020s. By then, though, audiences may have been super-heroed out reminding one that Denny O’Neil always described them as “DC Misses the Boat Comics”.

Mindy Newell: Duck And Cover

newell-art-130610-6254247The bullshit never stops.

What is it about some men? Did Mommy keep obsessive charts about their every urination and bowel movement during toilet training, marking down the time and size and color and form? Or did Mommy skip the toilet training altogether and they went to kindergarten still wearing diapers? Did Daddy take little Tommy into the shower and soap the penis just a little too much? Was Uncle Ernie just a little too friendly? Did Great-aunt Myrtle catch little Hank masturbating in the bathroom while drooling over the Playmate of the Month?

What is it about some men who feel the need to piss and shit on any woman who dares to display talent, smarts, ability, and imagination?

Why do they do this?

Last week, here at ComixMix, Sara Raasch wrote about the latest attack on a woman who works in comics. This woman dares to display talent, smarts, ability, and imagination. Her name is Kelly Sue DeConnick and she is the writer of Captain Marvel, Avengers Assemble, Ghost, Sif, Captain America and the Secret Avengers, just to mention a few. She was attacked on Tom Brevooort’s Tumblr site, New Brevoort Formspring in a statement by “Anonymous.” His thesis is that Kelly only got to write for Marvel and Dark Horse because she is married to the guy who writes Fantastic Four and Hawkeye. (Kelly’s response is on her own Tumblr site, Digital Baubles. Neil Gaiman also posted it on his Tumblr site, and several others did so, as well.)

The women in this industry respond to this crap in several ways – laughter, anger, ignoring the attack, blogging about it, writing columns about it, and sometimes taking the pusillanimous putz head-on (even notifying the police, in one case), depending on their mood and general disposition.

I got hit with this stuff, too, back in the day when I was writing in the industry. Someone accused me of getting assignments by “strutting the hallways in fish-net stockings and fuck-me pumps.” I was once told by someone at Marvel that, when I started working there as an assistant editor, it was assumed by most that I had been, uh, “especially nice” to Tom DeFalco, who was then Marvel’s editor-in chief.

I started working at DC in 1983 – thirty years ago!!!!

I was hired by Marvel in 1990 – 23 years ago!!!!!

You’d think by now, 50 years since Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique was published, that the guano would have stopped falling from the sky onto our heads.

You’d think, right?

Wednesday, May 29, 2013. The Fox Business channel. Lou Dobbs Tonight.

Erick Erickson of www.Redstate.com appears along with FOX newsman Juan Williams to discuss a just-released Pew Study that found that mothers are now the primary breadwinners in 40% of American households. Lou Dobbs finds this “troubling.” Juan Williams thinks “something is going terribly wrong in American society.” And Erickson says:

“I’m so used to liberals telling conservatives that they’re anti-science. But liberals who defend this and say it is not a bad thing are very anti-science. When you look at biology – when you look at the natural world – the roles of a male and a female in society and in other animals, the male typically is the dominant role. The female, it’s not antithesis, or it’s not competing, it’s a complementary role. We as people in a smart society have lost the ability to have complementary relationships in nuclear families, and it is tearing us apart. Having mom as primary bread winner is bad for kids and bad for marriage.”

And the shit just keeps on coming.

TUESDAY MORNING: Emily S. Whitten

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis

 

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