Box Office Democracy: La La Land

Columns / Reviews
December 13, 2016

I like musicals and I think it’s a shame that the film musical is mostly a relic of the past, dusted off a couple times a decade for a big revival and then set in the back of the closet for a few more years. La La Land is a generally competent film that I just can’t make myself stomach. It’s well-made, the script is good, and the chemistry between Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling is frankly delightful. But it’s not a movie I liked. It’s so convinced that it’s fresh and wonderful just for being a big Hollywood musical that they didn’t bother to make a good musical, or a compelling love story, or to cast more than three people. La La Land is cuter than it is good, and I’m just not feeling like loving a cute movie right now.

La La Land is the kind of self-congratulatory nonsense that Hollywood loves to reward with gold statues and is invariably met with countless articles about how out of touch the entertainment industry is. This is a movie about a struggling actress and her boyfriend, a jazz pianist obsessed with doing things the old-fashioned way. These aren’t particularly relatable characters, and I say that as someone who lives in Los Angeles and knows a fair number of struggling actors. It’s the Hollywood that exists in movies and, honestly, mostly older movies at that. It is, however, the kind of Hollywood that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences loves to believe exists and will happily shower awards on movies that depict it as such. I’m sure that’s just a happy accident.

The biggest problem I have with La La Land is it isn’t a very good musical. They cast actors who can sort of sing and kind of dance instead of getting any dedicated singers or dancers in leading roles. John Legend is in the movie but he only gets one number and it isn’t a naturally occurring number, it’s a musical performance within the movie. Aside from an opening non-sequitur and an early ensemble number, everyone but Gosling and Stone get locked out of musical numbers for the rest of the way. It hardly feels like a magical world where everyone breaks into song, and more of a look at two people who break in to song while the rest of the world looks on.

By “the rest of the world” I really mean a shockingly sparse cast of extras. I live in Los Angeles, but I certainly don’t live in the Los Angeles depicted in La La Land. That Los Angeles is a place where a couple can always be alone wherever they are and whatever they’re doing. If they’re hanging out in Griffith Park there’s no one to be seen, if they’re going to a revival movie theater playing Rebel Without a Cause there’s barely five other people in the house, and if they’re breaking in to the observatory there’s not even a security guard there. I’m not saying that scenes need to be a realistic level of crowded, but between no crowds and a sparse supporting cast the world in this movie feels so sparse. You could set La La Land on an arctic research lab and you’d only have to change some dialogue about what LA really cares about.

The most damning thing I can say about La La Land is that I saw that movie two days ago and I could barely hum you the tune of any of the songs (I think I have one of them but it might just be “Blue Skies” by Irving Berlin) but I’m still singing “You’re Welcome” from Moana at basically any opportunity. It’s a movie that seems to be hitting with a lot of people I know but I just stay in the theater thinking about how this would have been a better movie if they made it back when they really cared about making a good musical. La La Land isn’t West Side Story, it isn’t even Newsies. It’s a novelty, it’s a love letter to an Los Angeles that only existed in 40 year old movies, and it feels like a cynical attempt to get Oscar attention. There’s a version of La La Land I would have liked, but this one is too low effort and too calculated for me. Maybe next time.

Jen Krueger: Fan to Fan, or Performing Doctor Who for Fellow Whovians

News
March 25, 2014

Thinking about my favorite of the Doctor’s adventures, one that immediately comes to mind is his journey to Tudor England. Crossing paths with an aging Henry VIII on the verge of a final marriage, the Doctor stumbles on a Dalek plot to kill him while companion Brianna is killed by the King’s Guard. Resurrected by the Pope, Brianna saves the day by brokering peace between Henry and the Catholic church, and using her love for the Doctor to melt the Dalek in disguise. If you’re a fan of Doctor Who but don’t remember this episode, that’s probably because this adventure was presented for the first and only time in Los Angeles for a single night in September of 2013. Also, it technically wasn’t an episode of Doctor Who. It was an installment of Doctor Who Live!, an improvised version of Doctor Who that I perform in twice a month.

As a Whovian for several years and an improviser for even longer, I was really excited when I was invited to join a group that would allow me to bring together two of my favorite things. I thought doing a show that would let me transform the things I wish the Doctor would do from idle thoughts into reality (albeit reality limited to 45 minute non-canon installments) would be a blast. After all, every fan has opinions on how the object of their fandom could be improved or expanded upon, but how often does any fan get the chance to actually play out those opinions by dictating what their favorite fictional characters will see, say, or do? Almost never, at best. I was pumped. So, so pumped.

And then, the pressure hit me. Because the more I thought about how cool it was going to be to make up and play out an episode of Doctor Who, the more I realized how difficult that would really be. Walking on stage with nothing more than the TV show’s conventions as a bare foundation on which to build comedy with twelve other people means there’s as much of a chance for failure as there is for success. I’m strictly a 2005 and on fan, so there are decades worth of episodes that I know nothing about yet, our audience may expect to see references from. Thankfully, a lot of the cast knows classic Who, so I can count on them to catch me up quickly in the wings if the audience’s suggested title for our episode contains something I don’t know much about, like the Sea Devils (and man, does our audience love to bring up the Sea Devils).

But my worries about representing Doctor Who faithfully went beyond just nailing the right references. Knowing how strong my feelings about the TV show are, it seemed fair to me that our Doctor Who Live! audience could hold us to the same standard they have for the real thing. We promise an improvised episode of the TV show and the TV show is phenomenal, so we’ve set an incredibly high bar for ourselves and have to figure out how to clear it. Before my first performance with the group, I was a bundle of nerves thinking about falling short of that bar. I wanted the show to be perfect because I didn’t want to disappoint myself or the audience. And with all this worrying going on, I was overlooking a very crucial fact: in that theater, we’re all fans.

After all, while it takes an awful lot of fandom to put on an improvised episode of a TV show, it takes even more to watch an improvised episode of a TV show. And Doctor Who Live! isn’t just lucky enough that there are big enough fans of Doctor Who to make doing our own version of it viable, but luckier still to have fans of our own. We have wonderful audience members who come regularly, encourage our silliest bits, and even let us be part of their birthdays by celebrating at our show. If we didn’t all love Doctor Who, none of that would be possible. I have to admit that despite regularly performing in front of audiences in various forms of improv for the last five years, it always feels weird to me to be recognized for a show I’ve done since improv is, by nature, so fleeting. But I’m starting to enjoy getting recognized for Doctor Who Live!, because being remembered as part of that group is, by nature, being recognized as a fan of Doctor Who, and usually leads to conversations about the real show. Now what kind of Whovian would I be if I didn’t like that?

Jen Krueger: Forgoing the Gold

Columns
March 4, 2014

This year is the first time in my life that the Winter Olympics and the Academy Awards have fallen in the same month. Because I grew up with a great love for watching both figure skating and movies, it seems like 2014 should be a banner year for me to tune into the events that represent the highest level of competition in these two pastimes. Instead, 2014 is the first year that I watched neither. (more…)

The Point Radio: MOB CITY Heaps On The Noir

Podcasts
November 26, 2013

TNT’s MOB CITY not only brings to TV a stylized, noir look at a crime ridden Los Angeles, but it also signals the return of acclaimed show runner Frank Darabont. Franks talks about what hooked him on the project and how he chose the cast that fit the era just right. Plus DOCTOR WHO scores big and Warren Ellis takes a crack at MOON KNIGHT.

THE POINT covers it 24/7! Take us ANYWHERE! The Point Radio App is now in the iTunes App store – and it’s FREE! Just search under “pop culture The Point”. The Point Radio – 24 hours a day of pop culture fun for FREE. GO HERE and LISTEN FREE on any computer or on any other mobile device with the Tune In Radio app – and follow us on Twitter @ThePointRadio.

Doctor Who “The Day of the Doctor” to be simulcast in 3-D theaters

News
October 24, 2013

day-of-the-doctor-small-5695895 BBC announced this week details of the theatrical showings of the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special, The Day of the Doctor, with US showings details released today. Fifteen theaters in eleven US cities will be presenting the anniversary episode, starring Matt Smith, David Tennant and John Hurt as The Doctor, with Jenna Coleman and Billie Piper as their companions.

Tickets go on sale at 9AM Eastern Time, October 25th, via Fandango.com and Cinemark.com. Considering the effect that Doctor Who fans had on the ticket website when the season premiere was to be shown in NYC (think the San Diego or healthcare.gov websites), it is presumed the demand will be heavy indeed.

The complete theater list is:

Los Angeles – Cinemark Rave 18 + IMAX (Los Angeles, CA)
Los Angeles – Century 20 Bella Terra at Huntington Beach (Huntington Beach, CA)
New York – AMC Loews Village 7 (New York, NY)
New York – Regal E-Walk Stadium 13 & RPX (New York, NY)
Chicago – Century 12 Evanston + XD (Evanston, IL)
Chicago – Cinemark @ Seven Bridges + IMAX (Woodridge, IL)
Philadelphia – Cinemark Rave Cinemas University City 6 (Philadelphia, PA)
Philadelphia – Cinemark 16 (Somerdale, NJ)
Dallas-Ft. Worth – Cinemark West Plano + XD (Plano, TX)
San Francisco-Oakland-San Jose – Century San Francisco Centre 9 and XD (San Francisco, CA)
Washington, DC – Cinemark Rave Cinemas Fairfax Corner 14 + XD (Fairfax, VA)
Houston – Cinemark Tinseltown 17 and XD (The Woodlands, TX)
Atlanta – Cinemark Tinseltown 17 (Fayetteville, GA)
Seattle-Tacoma – Cinemark Lincoln Square Cinemas (Bellevue, WA)
Minneapolis – AMC Southdale 16 (Edina, MN)

In addition to the day and date broadcast, Fathom Events will be hosting a rebroadcast the evening of Monday, November 25, in over 300 theaters. Fathom Events hosts many live and special events simulcast in theaters nationally, including live performances by the RiffTrax team, formerly the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

The Doctor Who tumblr page has posted a FAQ page about the event, including details for viewing in other countries, and the complete list of theaters participating in the Monday evening event.

The Day of the Doctor is being simulcast globally on November 23rd, the 50th anniversary of the series, so that the fans can enjoy the episode all at once, with no chance of spoilers. The episode will be be broadcast on BBC America – check your local carrier for channel details.

Martin Pasko: City On The Edge of Forgetaboutit

Columns
August 15, 2013

If you follow this column regularly (in which case I apologize for the feelings of loneliness and alienation), you might remember me mentioning that I now reside in Los Angeles, which is the perfect city to move to if you’re really desperate to live in a comic book. It’s so colorful and exciting and full of funny-looking noises. Like when the valet at Jerry’s Deli on Ventura slides that new car you haven’t even started making the payments on yet into a parking space narrower than its wheel base – at 120 mph – because he thinks he’s Batman.

So I am thrilled to report I’m serene, I tell you, serene as I continue to sit around, keyboarding like this. Only now I do it for fun because the keyboard I’m using is the digital one on my smartphone, and it’s now in my lap as I write this, with the vibration intensity on the haptic feedback set to “Maximum.”

Sorry.

I am, however, finding it somewhat more lonely here than I’d anticipated.

Many of my old friends – the kind who keep insisting I refer to them on social media as “not-old-that-way” – don’t get out much. They glide about their palatial homes in motorized tricycles which have to be loaded into their very tiny cars when a group of us goes out to lunch. Whereupon the one who still has enough use of his legs to actually drive a car keeps asking the voice on the GPS to speak louder, so he can hear her replies to his inappropriate comments about how hot she sounds and what time she gets off work.

Meanwhile, the other three beg me to push their motorized tricycles out into freeway traffic while they are still in them, because their fingers are too arthritic to use a trackpad and none of them has mastered SEO well enough to Google for the guy who inherited Jack Kevorkian’s equipment.

Thus I find myself in the rather odd position of actually looking forward to inviting to lunch Stan The Man, who, as you know, lives in Beverly Hills. And is not too busy to see me because there are no animation studios or comic book companies left out here with whom he can jointly announce a project that will be completed after you and I are dead.

(“Just came back from The Mansion and I’m way stoked, ‘cause Hef an’ I are This Close to launchin’ that whole Spider-Bunny thing.”)

I’ll have to find a way to break it gently to Mr. Man that Mr. Hefner no longer sits around all day in his pajamas and bathrobe because he needs to be ready at a moment’s notice to fuck a smokin’-hot babe, but because sitting around all day in your pajamas and bathrobe is just what you do when you’re 187 years old.

But, of course, as Bill Maher knows how to say with much better fake sincerity than I, I kid Mr. Man. I have every confidence that he really will be with us many years hence. That’s because, as he has helpfully informed us, he has a pacemaker but no need whatsoever for a motorized tricycle. I am, however, inviting Mr. Man to lunch in my home, where absolutely no effort will be made to point out that he’s standing too close to the microwave.

And, in what passes here in Hollywood for truth, Mr. Man has announced a strategic relationship with Archie Comics, for whom he will be writing Just Imagine Stan The Man Asking You To Believe He Actually Wrote This Comic Book Himself About What It Would’ve Been Like If He’d Created That Really Swell, Groovy Homo Kid We Came Up With That’s Putting Us Out Of Business Because It’s Pissing Off All Those Loudmouthed Jesus People Who For Some Reason Are Still Under The Impression That They Can Buy “Age-appropriate” Comic Books At Wal*Mart.

I, for one, am looking forward to chatting Mr. Man up about that book. I may be totally off-base on this, because I haven’t actually seen Mr. Man in the 20 years since the announcement, but I think Archie is a perfectly natural “fit” for him because, at least at that time, the back of Mr. Man’s head was orange, too.

Now, as we come to the conclusion of what I know all you reverential fanboys, with your keenly developed senses of humor, will have understood was meant as Just Jokes rather than the gratuitous and mean-spirited rant you, you hero-worshiping little cretins, you, mistook it for … I leave you with just these humble thoughts:

Apparently, here in The City On The Edge of Forgetaboutit, the way you fight ageism is by making fun of people who are even older than you are. If you can find any.

And so it is that I whistle past Forest Lawn and rage, rage against the dying of the light from my smartphone.

OK, so I’m a little cranky, too.

Some asshole just totaled my motorized tricycle, trying to park it at 120 mph because he thinks he’s Batman.

FRIDAY: Martha Thomases

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman

Arrow’s Kelly Hu Never Knew Danger Like Kissing Kirk Cameron on Growing Pains

News
June 12, 2013

Danger surrounds actress Kelly Hu today.

As the nefarious China White in Arrow, she plays the head of an assassins syndicate that goes head-to-head with Green Arrow; and in her new role as Cece on The CW’s The Hundred, she’ll be facing incredible odds in an enthralling, futuristic thriller.

But at no time was she in more danger than when she kissed Kirk Cameron in her debut role on Growing Pains.

Hu is among several notable actors whose careers took flight after taking their initial bow in a guest appearance during Season Three of Growing Pains. Four-time Academy Award nominee Brad Pitt played his first character with an actual name in the ninth episode of the season, “Who’s Zoomin’ Who?”; The Hangover star Heather Graham doubled that feat by portraying her first two “name” characters as Cindy in “Michaelgate” and as Samantha in “Some Enchanted Evening”; and Butch Hartman, best known as the creator of the popular Nick animated series The Fairly Oddparents, had one of his first credited roles in the “Michaelgate” episode.

Season Three of Growing Pains is now available as a three-disk DVD set through the Warner Archive Collection.

For Hu, Growing Pains was truly a launching pad for a very busy career. Fresh out of high school, Hu filmed the episode – a season-opening two-parter entitled “Aloha” – and then moved to Los Angeles before it aired.

“The day (the episode aired), I put a full page add in Variety and sent out letters to agents announcing that I was ‘now available for west coast representation’,” Hu recalls. “I got 20 calls from agents before the show even aired that night.”

She also got fan mail. More to the point, hate mail. In the episodes, the Seavers take a family vacation to Hawaii – where Mike (Kirk Cameron) became infatuated with a young local girl named Melia (Hu). The island romance sent Cameron’s legion of young female fans into a tizzy.

“Kirk Cameron was my first on-camera kiss,” Hu says with a knowing smile, “and I got all kinds of death threats from little girls who were jealous that I got to kiss him.”

Now a veteran of more than 40 primetime series, not to mention films like X2, The Scorpion King and The Doors, Hu says the Growing Pains experience represented one new lesson after another. Even at the craft services table.

“It was on the set at breakfast my first day shooting in LA that I saw my first bagel,” Hu says. “I pointed at it and asked out loud, ‘Is that a bagel?’ and Tracy Gold, in her very New York accent, replied, ‘You don’t know what a bagel looks like!?’ I didn’t. I was a little girl from Hawaii. There was a lot I still hadn’t been exposed to yet.”

Michael Davis: Be Our Guest…

Columns / Michael Davis
May 7, 2013

I’ve never wanted anything more than I wanted to get into the High School Of Art and Design. I was obsessed from the time I found out there existed in the world an art high school and I found that out in the seventh grade.

Yes, I’ve wanted other things in my life but A&D (which I’m sure you are sick of me writing about) was so important to me for so long when it happened it was literally a dream come true. I know, I know, I keep reminiscing about my high school so much so I feel like mentioning A&D again would be like mentioning Lord Voldemort at Harry Potter’s wedding.

OK. I get it, it won’t happen again.

Around 20 years ago (when I was five) I began to want something else pretty badly. That “other thing” was my childhood dream but as an adult I began another obsession that became a dream and now that dream has come true.

I’ve been invited to attend the San Diego Comic Con as a special guest.

For over 25 years I’ve been known as the Susan Lucci of SDCC. If you don’t know who Susan Lucci is or why that is funny, your pop culture knowledge sucks.

On that note, SDCC is the biggest and most important pop culture event in the world. Being invited to be a guest is a huge honor. That invitation means that you have accomplished something of note in your field and are being recognized for such. I’ve imagined being invited as a special guest at SDCC a zillion times and what I would do when/if it happened.

First thing I’d do is tell everyone!

You may think after reading my rants here on ComicMix telling everyone is what I would do whenever I have something to crow about.

Nope.

Regardless of my seemingly brash and ostentatious writings, media interviews and pick up lines I rarely tell anyone when I’ve been fortunate enough to have a honor bestowed on me. Not sure if I mentioned it here or in my weekly rants on my website, but among quite a few honors, awards, proclamations and arrest warrants I’ve received is an auditorium in a East Orange New Jersey grade school named after me. There was a huge naming ceremony with a marching band (I’m not kidding), the Mayor, other East Orange movers and shakers and media.

I only invited to my naming ceremony my wife. She was my only guest and that was fine with me. My mother to this day won’t let me forget that she was not invited. She’s still pissed and not because she missed being present as a wonderful honor was conferred on her child; nope, she’s pissed because she missed the opportunity to invite her friends to see a wonderful honor being conferred on her child thus scoring major points in the “my child is so much better than your child so suck it” game mother’s play.

I’ve wanted to be a guest at SDCC since the first time I attended 26 years ago (when I was one year old, Jean) subsequently it has been on my mind, my hopes and dreams.

Only once have I wanted something this bad and that was that thing that must not be named.

As faith would have it, the honor I’ve sort in life more (almost) than any other I must turn down. Yes, you read that right. With regards to my San Diego Comic Con International invitation I must turn it down.

I did turn it down.

I refused.

I cannot in good conscious accept their invitation knowing that to do so would doom my lover and first-born child to a horrible death from falling off a cliff. Yes, some sick bastard knowing of my decades long desire to attend SDCC as a guest has given me a choice, save my lover and first-born child or be a guest at SDCC.

Oh wait! I’ve just learned the name of the woman hanging with her child from the cliff. Her name is Billie Jean. Billie Jean is not my lover, she’s just a girl who claims that I am the one but the kid is not my son.

Now I’m faced with an entirely new dilemma!

I’m in Los Angeles. Should I fly to San Diego or take the train?

WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold

THURSDAY: Dennis O’Neil

Your Star Trek Into Darkness Roundup

Previews
March 23, 2013

With less than two months to go before Star Trek Into Darkness opens in theaters, the Paramount marketing machine has been busy. Here are the updates for the week including activities at the movie’s app and the spoiler-rich International Trailer.

Star Trek App Mission: Scan the “Space Invader Art” at Subliminal Projects

Using cutting-edge image recognition technology, Star Trek app users who visit Subliminal Projects in Los Angeles and scan the “Space Invader” art piece outside the building this Saturday will earn 30 points towards a higher rank in the app’s Starfleet Academy.

When: Saturday, March 23, 2013

Where: Subliminal Projects

1331 West Sunset Boulevard

Los Angeles, CA 90026

Enter for a Chance to Win a Costume from the Film

Users of Paramount Pictures’ Star Trek app have until March 31 for a chance to win one of 50 costumes from the upcoming “STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS” movie. Enter the sweepstakes once a day through the end of March, only in the Star Trek app!

When: Now through March 31, 2013

Where: Click on the “Sweeps” button within the Star Trek app, available for download through the App Store and Google Play at www.StarTrekMovie.com/App

About the Sweepstakes:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. LEGAL RESIDENTS OF THE 50 UNITED STATES (D.C.) AND CANADA 13 AND OLDER. VOID IN QUEBEC AND WHERE PROHIBITED. Sweepstakes ends 3/31/13. For Rules, alternate entry, and complete details, visit www.startrekmovie.com/startrekapp/sweepstakes-official_rules.html. Sponsor: Paramount Pictures Corporation.

NEW BOOK! NEW STORIES! AND A CHANCE TO DIE IN PRINT!

News
November 29, 2012

Meteor House Press announces a wonderfully strange, wild new novel and and a contest! And even offers a free excerpt below!

The Abnormalities of Stringent Strange

The exploits of an apeman test pilot

By Rhys Hughes

The world has never seen an aviator quite like Stringent Strange. Half man, half ape, half badly added fraction, he can fly anything with wings and many things without. Under the mentorship of the unorthodox genius Professor Tobias Crinkle, our hairy hero soon gets much more than he bargains for when he finds himself up against a fiendish Nazi plot to invade and conquer America before the war has even begun!

Fortunately there exists an invention that can help him fight back against the warlike scoundrels, but the consequences of using it will propel him into even greater peril, into an alternative future where the themes and tropes of early magazine science fiction are menacingly real and coexist in perfect disharmony! Into a bracing reality where the only weapons he can rely on are the three special abnormalities he was born with…

Come and join Stringent Strange in a stupendous, mysterious, inventive adventure set in a far-flung time When Pulps Collide!

Get this at http://meteorhousepress.com/stringent/

In addition to buying the book, which will be a signed limited edition, customers can order a “deleted scene” which Rhys will write specifically for them. It will not appear in the book but will printed out from the “manuscript” and mailed with the book. In this (short) scene the reader will be killed by the author of their choice in the arena as they battle as gladiators. Here is an example: http://meteorhousepress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/deleted1.pdf

Also, Rhys is currently writing a new novelette featuring Stringent Strange, “The Further Fangs of Suet Pudding,” http://rhysaurus.blogspot.com/2012/11/suet-pudding-returns.html. Everyone who preorders The Abnormalities of Stringent Strange, will get the ebook of “The Further Fangs of Suet Pudding” for free.

Anyone who orders a deleted scene before the end of November (Two days left!), will be Tuckerized as a character in “The Further Fangs of Suet Pudding.”

Go on a wild ride and learn all about THE ABNORMALITIES OF STRINGENT STRANGE! Start with the excerpt below!

Excerpt from

The Abnormalities of Stringent Strange

THE PLANE TRUTH

Sunlight flashed on the wings of the single-engine Northrop Gamma as it banked around the small cumulus that was the only cloud in the sky. The monoplane performed a final barrel roll before coming in to land and the Pratt & Whitney R-1830 14-cylinder radial engine droned comfortably as the pilot adjusted the fuel/air mix. The overinflated wheels bounced once on the hot tarmac and the propeller clattered to a standstill. Then the pilot emerged and rubbed his gloved hands.

“She’s a beauty, no doubt about it, doc. Handles like a French whore. I mean that the frills serve a purpose…”

“I comprehend the allusion,” sighed Crinkle.

“Another winner, in my opinion.”

The pilot removed his goggles and grinned. Stringent Strange was tall and muscular with a manly chin and the clear blue eyes of a hero. He was exactly the sort of fellow that girls should go wild over, but in fact he had to spend an unhealthy percentage of his test pilot’s salary on prostitutes. It was his body that was the cause of this discrepancy. It was hirsute beyond belief, the torso of a gorilla balanced on the legs of a giant lemur; and the hairs were malodorous in the extreme.

“My worst fear has been confirmed,” continued Professor Crinkle, as he rubbed his bleary eyes, “but there’s nothing we can do about it. Jack is the winner and that’s a plain fact.”

“Knowing when to quit is a useful talent, doc!”

“Yes, I suppose so, dear boy.”

Stringent began walking back to the control tower. He was in a good mood but he tried to hide his exuberance for the sake of his mentor, who trailed behind him with pouting lips. When a man’s dreams are shattered in front of him, it’s poor taste to whistle and skip. Tobias Crinkle, Ph.D., had devoted almost twenty-five years to the cutting edge of the aviation industry but dedication isn’t enough on its own. Genius counts for more and his main rival had plenty of that.

His main rival had a name. Jack Northrop.

Although Stringent felt empathy for Crinkle, his recent flight brimmed him with an almost sexual joy and he strode ahead rapidly, not caring to be brought down by the glum expression and nihilistic mutterings of the disappointed professor; but at the entrance to the control tower he turned for a last glance of the gleaming Northrop Gamma, its aerodynamic spats giving the airplane a curiously anthropomorphic appearance, like a jazz musician performing a primal dance.

Stringent’s psychology wasn’t quite that of a normal man and he often saw resemblances that no one else could perceive, or would even want to, but on this occasion he could be forgiven his conceit, for the machine did actually have the semblance of a speakeasy reveler. Three steps at a time he climbed the spiral stairway to the control room and grinned at the man who sat on a leather chair in front of a transmitter. This man had been in constant radio contact during the flight.

“A beautiful plane, Mr. Northrop,” Stringent said.

The seated man nodded once. “I’m glad you like it. I do feel bad about Tobias, but it’s a cutthroat business.”

“That’s true. We appreciate the situation.”

“Well, Jack,” cried Professor Crinkle as he emerged into the room. “It only remains for me to throw in the towel and admit I’m beaten. Stringent here says your new Gamma is something really special and I know better than to ever distrust his word on anything connected with aviation. So I’m going to quit the business and sell up.”

“That’s a shame,” said Jack. “You’re a good designer.”

The professor smiled wistfully. “Sure, but not a patch on you, and I’m not too proud to acknowledge the obvious. My own rival prototype, the Crinkle Crisp, just isn’t up to scratch. Sure, it’s faster than diarrhea in a Malay Peninsula missionary, but it doesn’t have the maneuverability of your model. Look, I don’t have a towel on me, just a pocket handkerchief, so I ought to throw that in instead.”

He bunched up the square of filthy cloth and hurled it at Jack’s head. It missed and struck the wall behind: a wholly symbolic gesture. The mucus acted like glue and it remained stuck on the wall. Stringent thought about wrenching it off, then decided not to.

Jack Northrop leaned back in his chair until the leather creaked and he made a pyramid with his fingertips. “Listen, Tobias, my new Gamma is a superb small cargo plane and does everything it should to make it the best of its kind in that category, but that doesn’t mean you should abandon all your ongoing projects. I’m extremely interested in some of your proposed innovations. The Flying Tail, for example. An aircraft without fuselage or wings, cutting drag to the minimum!”

Professor Crinkle shook his head. “I suspect you’re just flattering me, Jack. Agreed, my Flying Tail is a pretty neat idea, but the tests I’ve run on miniature models prove that it’s very unstable. And you’ve got your own low drag project, the Flying Wing.”

Jack licked his lips and lowered his voice.

“Yes, that’s a particular favorite of mine. But I’m going to come clean with the pair of you. There’s something even more special in the works. A stratospheric cruiser with a highly experimental propulsion system that’ll generate vast amounts of free power if it works properly. Forgive me if I don’t say much more at this stage.”

“You never cease to amaze me, Jack,” said Crinkle.

The leather creaked again as the occupant of the chair stood up. “Time is passing rapidly and I have an engagement in Los Angeles this evening, so I should make my farewells now.”

Stringent nodded. “Thanks for inviting us over, Mr. Northrop, and for letting me fly your Gamma.” He turned to the professor. “I know you are sore disappointed, doc, but at least you’ve been saved pumping more cash into that ridiculous Crinkle Crisp.”

“Yes, that was a rather large favor, dear boy.”

“Think nothing of it,” said Jack.

“Keep us updated about your triumphs, will you?” asked Crinkle. His reddening eyes blinked rapidly.

“Of course I will, Tobias. Maybe I’ll see you again before 1932 is out, and if you decide to let Stringent go, there’ll always be a job for him here. Have a safe journey back to…?”

“Tallahassee. That’s where we’re based.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “In Florida? But I always believed you had headquarters somewhere in Nevada.”

“We did. Then a freak sandstorm destroyed all our hangars. We had no choice but to relocate and now we’re on the far side of the continent. Rent is lower and the climate isn’t so harsh, plus I prefer the food and the local Seminole workers are reliable.”

“And I enjoy swamp whores,” added Stringent.

There was an awkward pause.

“Ahem… Yes, well, many factors contribute to the desirability of the Florida Panhandle as a suitable location for our operations, not that there will be any further products rolling off my production line. My intention is to cancel all Crinkle Industry programs. I’ve had it with aviation, Jack. I can’t even face getting in a plane to return home. I think I’ll take a train instead. Is that fine by you, Stringy?”

Stringent nodded dubiously. “I guess so.”

Jack Northrop pulled on his coat and perched a hat on his head. “If I’d known you had to come so far, I wouldn’t have invited you over just for a few hours and a solitary test flight. Damn it, Florida’s two thousand miles distant and by locomotive it’s a monstrous and vaporous journey. And I’m not referring to California when I honestly point out that you don’t look in any fit state to go back right now.”

“I amrather tired,” admitted the professor.

Jack puffed out his cheeks. “In that case, why not spend the night here on the airfield? There’s a cabin on the edge of the runway with a bunk bed and a kitchen and other facilities. I had it built so I could sometimes work late without having to go home.”

Crinkle and Stringent exchanged glances.

“Why not?” they said in unison.

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