Tagged: Michael Davis

New York, New York, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • April 18, 2008

If you can make it there you can make it anywhere…

I hate Los Angeles.

I hate it here. I hate the food with its damn “tofu” slant. I hate the weather, always freaking sunny. I hate the girls (Asians girl exempt) and that ridiculous “Valley Girl” dialect. I hate the car culture, where what you drive defines you. I hate the stupid way they treat “stars” like these people walk on water. Listen, I enjoy Tom Cruise’s movies but unless Tom is writing me a check he and Katie can wait on line just like me at the airport. I hate gangs and would not shed a tear if they killed each other in a massive gang war.

But most of all, I hate the laid-back way they approach things in L.A.

Case in point, last week I had a severe migraine. I mean bad. I get them so bad sometimes that I go blind and my head feels like it will explode. Trust me, my description does not do the pain justice, let me put it this way, the only two times I have ever considered suicide is once when I was in such pain from a migraine and the other is when Bush won his second term. Anyway, I was sitting on my couch talking to Denys Cowan on the phone enjoying some all to brief relief from the pain when I heard my dogs barking from my backyard. I thought little of this as the barking could be from a number of reasons. Then the barking became crazed and I thought maybe there was a squirrel or something in my back yard then Mac (MY PIT BULL BOXER MIX) went ballistic! I asked Denys to hold on, then went outside to see what Mac and Dexter (my golden retriever) were losing their minds over. (more…)

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending April 14, 2008

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  • April 13, 2008

I’ve printed out the NYCC panel schedule but I don’t feel nearly ready for this coming weekend.  Stay tuned to these pages to find out where you can locate your favorite ComicMix people, including the ones who wrote these columns this past week:

So, it’s going to be a weekend of questions like "why did they schedule the Black Panel opposite Bryan Hitch’s spotlight and the Jenna Jameson ‘kick ass’ fiasco," isn’t it?

The Way We Were, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • April 11, 2008

Memories… light the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories… of the way we were…

Dear DC,

It”s been a while. How are you? I know I am the last person you expected to hear from. I did tell you I would call in a day or so. I’m a bit late. It’s been what, 15 years?

I hear you are dating. How is Wildstorm? I know he’s very attractive but I didn’t think you were into pretty boys. But having met him, I’ve realized he is very smart and accomplished. It hurt for a while and it still does. But if you are happy, I’m happy.

Listen, I know this is not my place, but I hear your child Vertigo has been doing some strange things and you may want to get her some help. There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it. Word on the street is Vertigo is a freak and I’m not talking about the circus kind. No, she’s what Rick James would call a Super Freak. She goes places where no one else would. She does things that are just downright…I can’t say it but I think you know what “it” is. I tell you all this because I just wanted to let you know I still keep tabs on you; I still care about you and yours.

Things are OK with me these days. I’ve done some good things over the last 15 years. I often think about what would have happened if I could have done some of those things with you. Do you think of me? Maybe a little? Maybe a teeny-weeny little bit? I’d like to think so. (more…)

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending April 6, 2008

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  • April 6, 2008

Hollywood icon Charlton Heston is no longer with us.  Cineleet has a nice overview of his roles in three classic sf movies, but of course he was so much more, both on the screen and in real life.  Whatever one might think of  his politics, the fact that he and his now-widow Lydia were married for 64 years is enough to earn my respect and admiration.  As April is National Poetry Month, feel free to add your poetic thoughts about Heston in the comments section, and don’t forget to check out this past week’s ComicMix columns:

Godspeed, Chuck – not that you need it, you probably have the inside track after all those Biblical epics…

The Race Card, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • April 4, 2008

I’m writing a book on race and…hey, I’m serious. I’m writing the book with my boy Rusty Cundieff, whose long list of director credits include the films Fear Of A Black Hat and House Party 2. Rusty was also the director of The Dave Chappelle Show. I came up with the project three years ago and Rusty came aboard two years ago. Why has it taken so long? It’s one of those projects that just takes the time it takes (hear that, O?). The book is called Every Thing You Wanted To Know About black People But Were Afraid To Ask.

I had a fair amount of interest from some publishers over the last two years but lately there has been a flurry of interest from many publishers. I have no doubt the recent focus on race in the presidential campaign has made the book a lot more relevant.

The book is written by two black men and is based on our experiences.

Now, what does that mean? It means that two black men are going to talk about our experiences as black men. We do not speak for every single black person. Rusty and I are also professional television writers who LOVE to write comedy, so you KNOW what that means…fun, laughs and WHITE WOMEN!

If you have the ability to read and reason then you must feel like I do about racism and that is that racism is just plain stupid. I just don’t get racism at all. It’s stupid, stupid, STUPID.

I mean to dislike someone just because of the color of their skin is nuts. The only thing dumber is hating on someone because of his or her religious beliefs. What’s next, hating someone because they eat apples and you like oranges?

The rest of the world should take a page from the comic book world. We don’t see color. I have been to hundreds of comic book conventions all over the planet and never felt even the hint of racism. Now there were some times in the convention city where racism was a real issue.

  (more…)

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending March 30, 2008

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  • March 30, 2008

Wow, March seemed to fly by even faster than February, didn’t it?  But opening day is finally upon us, allergy season is already in full swing and ComicMix columnists are nipping things in the bud as usual:

Congrats to Martha and Michael on their columns reaching the Big Five-Oh!  Presumably Dennis O’Neill is on spring break, and we look forward to his return.

The Story Of O, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • March 21, 2008
 
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This was going to be an article about the sheer stupidly of the former Governor of New York and other idiots who say one thing and do another. Then I listened to Senator Obama’s speech on race. I was going to write about that speech but at another time. Then I received the following text message on my cell phone:

U and denys r no talent racist lying frauds. What kind of monster abuses positive accomplished young black men? Michael Davis PhD Player Hating Dickhead.

The denys he is writing about is my best friend Denys Cowan. He also left a voice mail on Denys’ business phone where he called Denys a “Faggot,” among other things.

Who is this person? Let’s call him O. If I really wanted to “playa hate” I would give up who he was, thus ending any chance of this guy ever working with any major entertainment companies. I don’t out him because there is still a small chance that he will try and clean up his act.

A very small chance.

Why is he so upset? More than a year ago he submitted a project to me which I thought showed promise. The project has not moved fast enough for him and O wanted to know why. I told him what I tell everyone about selling in the entertainment business…

A deal takes the time a deal takes.

(more…)

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending March 16, 2008

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  • March 16, 2008

Can it be?  Is convention season well and truly underway?  No, I’m not ready yet!  Need job first!  Hello to everyone at WizWorld LA, LunaCon and everywhere else I can’t afford to be.  At least I and our other weekly ComicMix columnists can engage you from the comparative safety of our home keyboards:

Forecast for the last half of March: more pavement-pounding, but at least it won’t be in the snow any more!

The Moment Of Truth, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • March 14, 2008

Who in the world is stupid enough to go on shows like The Moment Of Truth and the Maury show?

I’ve always thought that stupid is what stupid does, but these people are just as dim as a black room. No, even dimmer. I can almost see why people go on The Moment Of Truth, they pay you cold hard cash and all you have to do is tell the truth. Of course the truth may destroy your family and spill the beans about your dirty laundry to MILLIONS of people, but, hey you will be able to buy a new car. You can ride your new car to the therapist’s office because you will need to seek help after realizing what a moron you are.

You idiot.

How obtuse are these people? Sorry, I just realized that there might be some people out there reading this who may have appeared on one of those shows. A word like “obtuse” may make their brains explode. OK, if you have appeared on one of these shows I am going to help you. First, sound it out. URB-TWOS.

Got it?

Now for the meaning; Obtuse; URB-TWOS: Your children are doomed to a life of crime, poverty or shame because you are an idiot.

Before I go on, I should tell you that I love BOTH those shows! They are like a bag of popcorn. Popcorn has absolutely no nutritional value but while you are eating it, boy does it taste good! You may be asking why I have not included Jerry Springer with these shows. I hate to break it to you, but that show is as fake as wrestling.

Yes fanboy, wrestling is fake.

Take a moment. I understand…

The Maury show has a repeating theme: the “paternity” show. On those shows men are confronted with women who claim they are the fathers of their newborn kids. The men deny it, so Maury does a DNA test and reveals the results on the show!

(more…)

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending Mar. 9, 2008

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  • March 9, 2008

Where does the time go?  Why does nobody complain about having an extra hour to sleep in the autumn?  And does anyone really feel the need to answer rhetorical questions?  Our weekly ComicMix columnists may not have the answers, but they still make for good reading on a truncated Sunday:

And don’t forget our special ComicMix TV broadcast covering the midnight release of the Dark Tower comic sequel!  Now can that wind stop howling please?  Some of us are trying to catch an afternoon kip.

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