Tagged: Superman

Martha Thomases Makes Her Own Apologies

thomases-art-130301-8566492According to this story, which is a rumor on a rumor-mongering site (which I love!), Dan DiDio recently apologized to DC creative talent at an editorial retreat. He admitted that there had been problems in the communication between editorial and talent, including editorial demanding changes to work that had already been approved.

Since, on my other soapbox, I have recently complained that men rarely apologize, it feels like I should do something to acknowledge this.

I should make my own apologies.

For the purposes of this column, we’re going to limit my apologies to the field of comics. Even the Internet doesn’t have enough space for everything else.

  1. Kevin Smith, I’m sorry it feels like I’m stalking you. About 20 years ago, we met at an exhibit of original comic book art. I liked Clerks. Later, when your movies made more money, I would point to you at conventions and tell people I knew you. That must have been creepy for you, some strange old woman pointing and staring.
  2. And, while I don’t know Dave Sim (nor do I wish to), I’m sorry that Friends of Lulu contributed to pushing him over the edge. I don’t think it will make him feel any better to know that we considered neither him nor his feelings one little bit.

  3. When I would meet booksellers at Book Expo America who said they didn’t read comics because they didn’t like superheroes, I would ask them to tell me a movie they liked, and then recommend the appropriate title for them. This is fine in a sales environment, but not great at parties in my real life. I’m so sorry, and completely understand why you walked away as quickly as you could, Patti Smith. Still, I thing you would like Rogan Gosh.

  4. At the same time, there are books that were everything I ever wanted between two covers, like Leave It to Chance, and, despite buying at least 20 copies of each issue to give away, plus multiple copies of the trade, I did not do enough to keep them alive. I wish it was still around so I could do more to make amends.

  5. Despite Alan Moore’s objections to the projects even existing, I went to see From Hell, V for Vendetta and Watchmen in movie theaters. And, to varying degrees, liked them. I feel like I’ve betrayed one of my favorite writers.

  6. And, by going to see Watchman, I inadvertently encouraged Zach Snyder. His sense of production design is admirable, but he has no sense of pacing, much less, you know, character or story. I tremble in fear about what he’s going to do to Superman.

  7. Neil Gaiman always drew a long line when he was signing things at the DC booth during convention season, even way back in the 1990s. It was often my job to be “the bitch at the end of the line,” meaning I had to tell people that there would be no more books signed. It was necessary so Neil could do other things besides sign books (eat, pee, sleep), so I’m not sorry that I was looking out for him. Rather, I’m sorry I performed my duties with so much glee.

  8. And while we’re on the subject, it was my fault, and I regret that I caused you such anxiety, Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean, when I didn’t provide adequate information to you or your driver to get to that morning interview on the FX Network back when DC published Mr. Punch. I’m sure it was really nerve-wracking to be driving around Manhattan at six in the morning, lost. On the other hand, Tom Bergeron was really nice. And a fanboy.

  9. The biggest story of my time at DC was the Death of Superman. People remember that he died, then came back. They don’t remember that the narrative point was the next storyline, “World Without a Superman.” DC wanted to show how important Superman was, and how we responded to his absence. And now they’ve killed off Damien Wayne, just when I was starting to like him. This is no legacy for a pacifist.

  10. When Image Comics started, I admired their defense of creator rights, but didn’t particularly like the books they published at the time. As a result, I didn’t pay enough attention to their work as the company matured. I’ve missed a lot of good stuff, and it’s my own damn fault. Please forgive me, and please keep releasing complete runs digitally so I can catch up.

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman On Technobabble

SUNDAY: John Ostrander On Revamp

 

Lego: Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite Comes to DVD in May

lego-batman-cover-art1-e1361899948898-6548677BURBANK, CA (February 26, 2013) – DC Comics’ greatest superheroes and their arch nemeses face-off in an action-packed, hilarious battle in LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite. Based on the popular video game, TT Animation produced the full-length animated feature for May 21, 2013 distribution by Warner Bros. Home Entertainment as a Blu-ray™ Combo Pack ($24.98 SRP) and DVD ($19.98 SRP), On Demand and for Digital Download. The Blu-ray™ Combo Pack will include UltraViolet™*. Release will include an exclusive Lego Clark Kent/Superman figurine on pack while supplies last.

LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite provides the ultimate blend of action and humor guaranteed to entertain fanboys of all ages. The film finds Lex Luthor taking jealousy to new heights when fellow billionaire Bruce Wayne wins the Man of the Year Award. To top Wayne’s accomplishment, Lex begins a campaign for President – and to create the atmosphere for his type of fear-based politics, he recruits the Joker to perfect a Black LEGO Destructor Ray. While wreaking havoc on Gotham, Lex successfully destroys Batman’s technology – forcing the Caped Crusader to reluctantly turn to Superman for help.

LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite features the definitive voice of Lex Luthor, Clancy Brown (The Shawshank Redemption, SpongeBob SquarePants), who set the standard for Luthor’s vocal tones in the
landmark Warner Bros. Animation television production, Superman: The Animated Series.

Renowned videogame/animation actors Troy Baker (Bioshock Infinite, Batman: Arkham City) and Travis Willingham (Avengers Assemble, The Super Hero Squad Show) provide the voices of Batman and Superman, respectively. The cast also includes Christopher Corey Smith (Mortal Combat vs. DC Universe) as the Joker, and Charlie Schlatter (Diagnosis Murder) in a hilarious turn as the voice of Robin.

Award-winning director/producer Jon Burton helms the film from a screenplay by David A. Goodman based on a story from Burton and Goodman. Jeremy Pardon is director of photography, and executive producers are Jill Wilfret and Kathleen Fleming. Executive producers are Benjamin Melnicker and Michael Uslan.

“LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite packs the right combination of action and humor to delight superhero fans from ages 3 to 103,” said Mary Ellen Thomas, Warner Bros. Home Entertainment Vice President, Family & Animation and Partner Brands Marketing. “We’re proud to provide a film that can be enjoyed by adults and children alike, making for ideal family entertainment.”

LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite Blu-ray™ Combo Pack has over 2 ½ hours of exciting content, including:
•       Standard and high definition versions of the feature film
•       UltraViolet™*
•       Featurette – “Building Batman” – An all-new featurette.  Ever thought about making your own batman movie? Join a group of children as they learn from master LEGO builder Garrett Barati, and animate their own Batman mini-movie with LEGO.
•       Teaser– “Lego Batman Jumps Into Action” – Garrett Barati’s original Batman teaser, created for LEGO Super Heroes, shows what this master stop-motion animator can do with just a few click, click, clicks of LEGO.
•       Shorts – “LEGO/DC Universe Super Heroes Video Contest Winners” – The excitement of DC Universe Super Heroes and the joy of LEGO building brings together action-packed short films from five winning submissions
•       Two bonus episodes from Batman: The Brave and the Bold (“Triumvirate of Terror” and “Scorn of the Star Sapphire”) and one episode from Teen Titans (“Overdrive”)
•       Assorted trailers

Mindy Newell: It’s Personal, Not Business.

Newell Art 130225From Wikipedia: Critics have generally received Ender’s Game well. The novel won the Nebular Award for best novel in 1985, and the Hugo for best novel in 1986, considered the two most prestigious awards in science fiction. Ender’s Game was also nominated for a Locus Award in 1986. In 1999, it placed #59 on the reader’s list of the Modern Library 100 Best Novels. It was also honored with a spot on the American Library Association’s “100 Best Books for Teens.” In 2008, the novel, along with (it’s sequel) Ender’s Shadow won the Margaret A. Edwards Award, which honors an author and specific works by that author for lifetime contribution to young adult literature. Ender’s Game was ranked at #2 in Damien Broderick’s book Science Fiction: The 101 Best Novels 1985-2010.

Not too shabby.

The announcement by DC that Orson Scott Card (author of Ender’s Game and its sequel) will be writing a Superman story to be included in an upcoming anthology has burst into a firestorm of controversy on the net and in newspapers such as The Hollywood Reporter (“Ender’s Game’s Orson Scott Card’s Anti-Gay Views Pose Risk for Film,” February 20, 2013), not only because of Mr. Card’s publicly-stated negative opinions on homosexuality and same-sex marriage, but because Mr. Card sits on the Board of Directors for the non-profit National Organization for Marriage (NOM). Established in 2007 to work against the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, NOM contributed $1.8 million to the passage of “Prop 8” in California, which prohibited same-sex marriage in California. (The amendment was in force until United States District Court Judge Vaughn R. Walker overturned it in August 2010, ruling that it violated the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses of the United States Constitution. His decision has been appealed, and the ruling has been stayed.) NOM also opposes civil union legislation and gay adoption.

Last week Michael Davis’s Brokeback Bastard here on ComicMix asserted not only DC’s right to hire Mr. Card despite the widespread outrage, but Michael’s opinion that efforts to get DC to renege their offer to Mr. Card, i.e., fire the bigot!, will fail, because, DC sees this, a la The Godfather, as “business, not personal.” Why? Because, to quote Michael, “This is a win – win for DC. They get a pretty good writer and massive publicity so why fire the guy? When the book comes out they will get another round of colossal exposure so like I said, why fire the guy?”

He’s right about that. Any publicity, so the pundits say, is good publicity. (I get the sentiment, but it’s not really true. Just ask Elliot Spitzer about his hooker friend, or Paul Ryan about his marathon time.)

This is what I wrote in response to Michael’s column:

Well, I understand the business side of it. Orson Scott Card is a prolific and popular science fiction writer whose Ender’s Game won the Nebula and the Hugo, and whom DC is betting will bring in lots of $$$$$. And I understand the “high moral ground” that Michael and Dan and John (Dan and John are respondents who took issue with Michael’s viewpoint) are arguing above: judge the guy on his writing, not on his personal views. However, Card’s views are not personal in that he is a member of the Marriage Is Only Between A Man And Woman Board, (I was too lazy at the time to look up the name of the organization) or whatever the hell it’s called. He has publicly stated that gay men and women should be ostracized and worse.

Superman is an icon. Superman stands for justice for all. Superman stands for the American dream. Superman stands for the pursuit of happiness. Superman stands for Truth. Card does not stand for justice for all. Card does not stand for the American dream. Card does not stand for the pursuit of happiness. Card does not stand for Truth.

Hatred and bigotry is rampant again in this country. Just look at what’s happening in Congress. The total blockage of Obama’s proposals, the continuation of the birthers and their lies, the about-to-be sequestration of our economy is all about the hatred of our first black President. Operative Word Is Black.
 Hiring Card to write an American icon is disgusting because Card is against everything the American dream stands for. That’s my opinion, plain and simple.

Though, as I said, I understand the business behind DC’s decision, I’m also so fucking tired of the “anything for a buck” crap that’s so damn rampant these days. It’s not just in business. It manifests itself everywhere. For instance:

I worked for many years at my local hospital. Across-the-board layoffs were scheduled. Instead of protesting the lay-offs, my union said that any employee who had lost his or her job could “bump” a junior employee. In other words, take the junior employee’s job and leave him or her out in the cold. I found this despicable. The union’s job, im-not-so-ho, was to protect all employees, not just do a “run-around” to solve the problem.

I could never take another person’s job. “It’s not right,” I said. Most of my co-workers mouthed the words, but when push-came-to-shove, most of those who were on the lay-off list did “bump” the one below them. And what was worse, being a small, community hospital, the “bumpers” knew the “bumpees.”

Et tu, Brutus?

Yeah, I know. “Oh, grow up, Mindy.” “Who are you, Pollyanna?” “People gotta do what they gotta do.”

It really sucks that I-N-T-E-G-R-I-T-Y doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore.

But like I said, I get it.

Leave the gun. Take the cannolis.

Go to the mattresses.

It’s business, not personal.

BUT GOD DAMN IT…

IT’S SUPERMAN!

TUESDAY MORNING: Emily S. Whitten

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis

 

 

Superman Unbound Details Released

superman-e1361467044781-7340253The trailer for this May’s release was missing from The Dark Knight Returns Part 2 but was subsequently released online. Now come the complete details of the next direct-to-DVD film from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment.

The fun vocal casting takes television stalwarts from popular genre series and uses them in other iconic roles. Here is the complete press release.

BURBANK, CA (February 21, 2012) – A destructive force is devastating planets across the galaxy – with Earth next in its sights – and even Superman may not be capable of halting the terror in SUPERMAN: UNBOUND, the next entry in the ongoing series of DC Universe Animated Original Movies. Produced by Warner Premiere, DC Entertainment and Warner Bros. Animation, the all-new, PG-13 rated film arrives May 7, 2013 from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment as a Blu-ray™ Combo Pack ($24.98 SRP) and DVD ($19.98 SRP), On Demand and for Digital Download. The Blu-ray™ Combo Pack will include UltraViolet™*.

superman-unbound-e1361467082430-1641043Based on the Geoff Johns/Gary Frank 2008 Action Comics storyline “Superman: Brainiac,” SUPERMAN: UNBOUND finds the Man of Steel aptly handling day-to-day crime while helping acclimate Supergirl to Earth’s customs and managing Lois Lane’s expectations for their relationship. Personal issues take a back seat when the horrific force responsible for the destruction of Krypton – Brainiac – begins his descent upon Earth. Brainiac has crossed the universe, collecting cities from interesting planets – including Supergirl’s home city of Kandor – and now the all-knowing, ever-improving android has his sights fixed on Metropolis. Superman must summon all of his physical and intellectual resources to protect his city, the love of his life and his newly-arrived cousin.

The film’s stellar voicecast is led by Matt Bomer (White Collar) as Superman, John Noble (Fringe, The Lord of the Rings films) as Brainiac, Stana Katic (Castle) as Lois Lane and Molly Quinn (Castle) as Supergirl. Additional voices in the cast include Golden Globe Award winner Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under) as Ma Kent, Wade Williams (The Dark Knight Rises) as Perry White, Diedrich Bader (The Drew Carey Show, Office Space) as Steve Lombard, Stephen Root (Boardwalk Empire, Justified) as Zor-El, and Alexander Gould (Weeds) as Jimmy Olsen.

Supervising Producer James Tucker (Justice League, Batman: The Brave and the Bold) also directs the film from a script by Bob Goodman (Warehouse 13, Batman: The Dark Knight Returns).

“SUPERMAN: UNBOUND adds an all-new chapter to the growing legacy of animated films featuring the Man of Steel and his epic challenges to maintain peace on Earth,” said Mary Ellen Thomas, Warner Home Video Vice President, Family & Animation and Partner Brands Marketing. “Matt Bomer’s voice epitomizes the All-American hero that is Superman, and John Noble counters that tone with a commanding, chilling delivery for Brainiac. A superhero is only as good as the depths of his opposition, and Noble brings out the best in his villainous portrayal of Brainiac.”

lois-lane-e1361467126743-2656883SUPERMAN: UNBOUND Blu-ray™ Combo Pack has over 4 1/2 hours of exciting content, including:

  • Standard and high definition versions of the feature film
  • UltraViolet™*
  • Sneak Peek at Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox, the next DC Universe Animated Original Movie
  • Featurette – “Kandor: History of the Bottle City” – An all-new featurette. Kandor: a peaceful scientific community dedicated toward the preservation of all that is good on Krypton, the home world of Superman.  That is, until the city was ripped from its world and placed into a small glass bottle!  This is the short story highlighting the shrunken city of Kandor.  Its history just as fascinating as it is unique, here is how it ties in directly with the Man of Tomorrow.
  • Featurette – “Brainiac: Technology and Terror” – An all-new featurette.  Mostly machine, but part sentient being, Brainiac steals cities and destroys worlds.  Is he the most vile of Superman’s villainous foes?  Experience the Brainiac mythology and find out why Superman barely stands a chance!
  • Audio Commentary – Featuring members of the creative team: Mike Carlin, Bob Goodman and James Tucker.
  • Four bonus episodes from Superman: The Animated Series (“The Last Son of Krypton, Part 1”; “New Kids in Town”; and “Little Girl Lost, Parts 1 & 2”), all handpicked by producer Alan Burnett.
  • Digital Comic – Excerpt from the graphic novel Superman: Brainiac by Geoff Johns and Gary Frank.

* Spuerman: Unbound  UltraViolet offer is a limited time offer.  Restrictions and limitations apply.  Go to ultraviolet.flixster .com/info for details.

Michael Davis: Brokeback Bastard

Davis Art 130219DC Comics is hiring a very anti-gay writer named Orson Scott Card to write for them.  That’s bad enough in my opinion, but they are giving him Superman to write.

Damn DC.

Giving a guy who wishes gay people were wiped off the face of earth is one thing, but giving him Superman is just ballsy as shit.

The outcry in the industry is loud and clear. There’s a movement to have DC just fire the guy outright.

Not gonna happen.

Let me be clear, I don’t think DC will fire the guy unless videotapes are found of him doing unnatural things with a German Sheppard… a girl German Sheppard, of course. I don’t want to offend him in case he’s reading this.

This is a win – win for DC. They get a pretty good writer and massive publicity so why fire the guy? When the book comes out they will get another round of colossal exposure so like I said, why fire the guy? For DC this is not personal, it’s business.

I say, let the guy write the book. Really.

If you want to take a stance against him and his views as I do, trying to get him fired is the wrong way to go about it at least I think so. Nothing short of a massive boycott will make a dent in stopping this guy from doing the Superman story.

But there is another way…

Take the writer to task at every turn. Make him own his views. Challenge him all the places where DC will send him to promote the book. Like comic book conventions, or any online forums, or any book signings anywhere he will show his bigoted face. Then the story is about his hated, his views and his failings as a human being. No company wants that shit following them around, over and over and over.

Trust me on this; I know first hand just how hard that sort of bad press hits corporate America. The way they are perceived by the public is easy to weather unless it keeps happening.

Now is if they also just happen to be a publicly traded company…

Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker.

I like what DC is doing with its line these days. I don’t like to think that one of my favorite comic book characters is going to be written by a guy who would deny others their right to exist.

I don’t blame DC for hiring the guy, I don’t blame them for standing behind him (although it better not be a guy standing behind him) because like I said for them it’s not personal it’s business.

For me and I’m guessing many of you making his comic book journey miserable is not business, it’s personal.

WEDNESDAY: Mike Gold

THURSDAY: Dennis O’Neil

 

Martha Thomases: Udder Catastrophe

thomases-art-130215-4551025There are two totally unrelated things I want to talk about this week. Well, not entirely unrelated. Both have actual connections to comics, something my last column managed to completely miss.

  1. In a move that reminds absolutely everyone of Dick Tracy, Apple may be developing the twenty-first century version of the two-way wrist radio. This would be a flexible all-class device that one would wear on the wrist. There is speculation the screen would be 1.5 inches in diameter.

I hate this idea. I can barely type on the keyboard of my phone with two thumbs. There is no way I could tap out anything even vaguely intelligible on my wrist with one hand.  There is only a slightly larger chance that I would be able to read anything on a screen that small, so I guess that would limit the amount to typing I would need to do.

There is apparently an entire department at Apple that is developing wearable computers. The article alludes to the possibility of Apple sunglasses as well.

My first reaction was to get excited, because I would look much cooler in sunglasses, and also, Neuromancer. However, the more I think about it, the more I think it’s either a bad idea, or requires more refinement. I mean, it’s difficult enough to walk a city sidewalk now, when the multitudes are so engrossed with looking at their phones that they walk into traffic. And they have to actually take their phones out of their pockets and hold them in their hands to look at those screens. With glasses, even that little bit of effort is superfluous. As you walk down the sidewalk (or, God forbid, drive your car) you won’t be able to tell who is or isn’t paying attention.

We’re all doomed.

At least, with a watch, there’s the possibility of fighting crime.

2). Those of you who keep track of my every utterance may remember how appalled I was last year when the editorial brain trust at DC Comics decided that super-powered female lizards have breasts

http://comicmix.com//columns/2012/03/23/martha-thomases-what-would-women-worldkillers-wear/. For one thing, I kept formulating a joke in my head (“Like tits on a lizard, these are the Days of Our Lives“) that no one would understand anymore.

But, mostly, it upsets me that purportedly adult humans either know nothing about human biology or think the customers who pay their salaries are stupid tools who are easily manipulated. Both of these alternatives fill me with despair.

And this week, as I read my DC Comics, I was let down in exactly this way by a few books I normally enjoy.

The first was the end of the “Rot World” storyline, taking place in the #17 issues of Animal Man and Swamp Thing. Our title heroes and their allies are fighting creatures who have been overtaken by The Rot, so that they are desiccated zombies or monsters. Among the zombies are Superman and Wonder Woman. They are skeletal, except for Superman’s enormous muscles, and Wonder Woman’s muscular arms and giant breasts.

It makes no sense whatsoever for Wonder Woman to have a body that indicates she has no fat, but the gigantic breasts belie that. I suppose it’s possible that her breasts are full of pus, which would be scary, but also disturbing.

And then, in Dial H for Hero #9, the woman with a dial turns into a Minotaura, a female minotaur. She is covered with hair, has horns on her head, again with the exaggerated musculature, and again with ginormous boobies.

Think about it. A minotaur, half man and half bull. The female version would be half woman, half cow. No horns. And, if mammary glands, just as likely to be an udder as breasts.

Consider the possibilities of the super-powered udder. There could be jet-propelled milk, used to knock opponents off balance. A full udder is heavy, and an empty one could be flexible. It would be awesome.

But it wouldn’t give the fanboys boners, so I guess it’s not to be.

I await the Apple computer that gets built into bras.

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

 

Clancy Brown to attend Premiere of Lego Batman: The Movie – DC Superheroes Unite

lego-batman-cover-art-e1360167613813-2893442Clancy Brown, the quintessential voice of Lex Luthor, will walk the red carpet and take part in the post-screening panel discussion when Warner Bros. Home Entertainment and The Paley Center for Media present the World Premiere of LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Superheroes Unite in New York on February 11, 2013.

Brown set the benchmark for all Lex Luthor voices with his iteration of the role for Superman: The Animated Series and Justice League/Justice League Unlimited, and he has reprised the voice in several TV series episodes as well as the DC Universe Animated Original Movie, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies, and now for LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Superheroes Unite.

The World Premiere will include red carpet media interviews starting at 5:15 p.m. and the first-ever public screening of the film at 6:30 p.m.  Following the screening, cast and filmmakers will discuss the movie. Joining Brown on the panel will be TT Animation’s award-winning director/producer Jon Burton and director of photography Jeremy Pardon, and renowned videogame/animation actors Troy Baker (Bioshock Infinite, Batman: Arkham City) as Batman and Travis Willingham (Avengers Assemble, The Super Hero Squad Show) as Superman.

LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Superheroes Unite, an all-new film from TT Animation based on its popular video game, finds Lex Luthor taking jealousy to new heights when fellow billionaire Bruce Wayne wins the Man of the Year Award. To top Wayne’s accomplishment, Lex begins a campaign for President – and to create the atmosphere for his type of fear-based politics, he recruits the Joker to perfect a Black LEGO Destructor Ray. While wreaking havoc on Gotham, Lex successfully destroys Batman’s technology – forcing the Caped Crusader to reluctantly turn to Superman for help.

Warner Bros. Home Entertainment has set May 21, 2013 as its release date for LEGO Batman: The Movie – DC Superheroes Unite on Blu-ray and DVD.

Brown made his very first theatrical appearance opposite Sean Penn in Bad Boys, and then forever sealed his place in fantasy villainy as The Kurgan in Highlander. Before playing an immortal, though, Brown etched his name in cult classic history as Rawhide in The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. Brown is regularly recognized from his standout performance as Captain Hadley in The Shawshank Redemption, as the centerpiece of HBO’s Carnivale as Brother Justin Crowe, and to fanboys across the planet as gung-ho Sgt. Zim in Starship Troopers.

Having lent his voice to nearly 600 animated episodes and films, Brown is also widely known as Mr. Krabs in SpongeBob SquarePants. His voice credits, to list just a few, include roles in The Batman, The Spectacular Spider-Man, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Jackie Chan Adventures, Wolverine and the X-Men, Phineaus and Ferb, Ben 10: Alien Force, Kim Possible, Duck Dodgers, Teen Titans, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command and Gargoyles.

The Paley Center in New York City is located at 25 West 52nd Street. There is no attached parking, however there is ample parking in numerous structures surrounding the Paley Center.

Emily S. Whitten: It’s a Cold! It’s a Kryptonian Virus! It’s The Winter Plague!

Whitten Art 130205Remember that time when Superman caught a Kryptonian virus on Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman? And he spent practically the whole episode laid out on the couch, barely conscious? And all he could manage to do was sort of thrash his head about and moan a bit? Having spent the entirety of this past week laid out at home with what I have not-so-fondly dubbed “The Winter Plague,” I suspect I know just how he felt.

I also suspect that when it comes to the Winter Plague, I have not been very heroic. Or at least that’s what it seems like when looking back at my pathetic tweets over the past week (tweeting being about all I’ve had the energy to do, since I can do it from my phone, while lying down in bed). But I guess I could look at the whole matter in another way. You see, because the Winter Plague might sneak up on people when they’re not paying attention, it could be argued that while I was suffering untold miseries I heroically catalogued for all of you, via Twitter, the most common Signs of the Winter Plague, which I can now share. This way, maybe you can recognize that you are coming down with the Winter Plague in time to get to a doctor before it brings you to your knees.

So here are the signs. Read them carefully, ensuring that none apply to you, for if you find yourself identifying with any of the following, you may just have become a victim of… (cue dramatic music here) …The Winter Plague.

Signs of the #WinterPlague:

  1. Too sick to want to watch TV and/or read comics.
  2. “So, self, what have you done all week?” “Uh, slept? Coughed? Sneezed? Slept more?”
  3. It’s 3 pm! I am up! …Because I have to take my meds. Now, where’s my bed again?
  4. Dry toast? Unappetizing. Toast with Nutella? …Still unappetizing. :(
  5. *blows nose* I can breathe! I can…! :( Never mind. *blows nose again* I can b…! …*sigh* *blows nose again*
  6. Not sure if head hurts from illness or blowing nose so much. Possibly both?
  7. Plague not immediately vanquished by @neilhimself magic. Dear Neil pls send more? 1st round scared Plague but it came back!
  8. Drinking orange juice. Don’t like orange juice.
  9. Can’t get through three bites without coughing. :(
  10. My oxen have died.
  11. Slept for five days, still tired. D:
  12. Considered turning on laptop in bed to watch show. Didn’t have energy to press button. Crawled back under covers.
  13. “Productive” things done in last week: 1) Read Dresden Files graphic novel. 2) ……..
  14. “Hey self! It’s 5 pm. Know what that means?” “…Naptime?” “Yep! How did you know?” “The answer’s always naptime.”
  15. “So, body, we just took a three-hour nap. What should we do now?” “…Take a nap?”
  16. Clearly my body needed More Napping. Just woke up from another coma-like sleep.
  17. Did NOT go to @PressClubDC to see Dave Barry today, despite really, really wanting to. Could not leave bed. :(
  18. “What day is today, self?” “……..?”
  19. I have never, ever had the heat on this high before.
  20. “Body! You’re finally a bit hungry! What would you like to eat?” “Toast.” “Just…toast?” “All the toast.”
  21. Oh, hello, cough. You wanted to get up now? I guess we will get up for a few then.

So there you have it! If any of the above seems eerily familiar to you, get thee hence to a doctor immediately (seriously. I’m not kidding about that part. Get some antibiotics, at the very least, so you don’t continue to spread the Plague to unsuspecting people like me).

And please note that other signs of the Winter Plague can include temporary insanity, so if the above column seems a bit loopy to you…well, I’m gonna blame it on the Winter Plague.

Until next time, stay healthy, and Servo Lectio!

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis

WEDNESDAY MORNING: Mike Gold

 

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