Tagged: wrong

Marc Alan Fishman: How To Succeed In Comics Without Really Trying

fishman-art-131221-150x43-3070732Consider this a free lesson in becoming a rich and successful writer, be it in Hollywood, comic books, TV, movies… whatever. Yes kiddos, you too can be a mega-player in the game if you follow my patent-pending advice. And since there’s no use to wasting time, let me get to them write now. Get it?

Copy someone better than you. See, I’m already gonna copy legendary John Ostrander, who in his article this very week gave out five tips to aspiring writers as well. But as you’ll learn, babe, it’s not about who did it first… just who does it next. I recall, fondly, that one of my professors at college had his intro to screenwriting class begin the year by dissecting their favorite romantic comedy for structure, and then literally rewrite it according to the corresponding skeleton etched out. Nifty, eh? So when the chips are down and your screen is blank, just boot up Netflix, and get prepared to appropriate your masterpiece.

Retcon it, reboot it, or make a prequel/sequel! Why waste your time creating an original piece of work when you can start where someone else started? As a natural next-step of copying someone who is better than you, you can get oodles of dollars by simply refraining from even considering originality as an option. DC Comics may have canceled a Batman series recently, but you best believe that someone else will fill in the slot the second they see an uptick in BatSales. It’s their New52 M.O.: when sales spike, it’s time to expand! Justice League look good? Make it dark! Make it American! Make it StormWatch! Err… Simply put, if you want to be a resource to those folks who sign the big checks? Then be prepared to take on the franchise when the original creator is off doing whatever it is “artists” do. Remember, you want to be writer… not an artist.

When the editor says “Jump”, already be in the air. When you’re in the air? Be screaming “Is this high enough?!” You see, in today’s market, the writer is just another tool in the box. One need not be “good” as much as “serviceable.” When he-who-signs-the-paychecks demands you kill a character off, or refrain from being “too gay,” you salute them, thank them for their bold choices, and immediately write exactly what they’re looking for. If they’re vague? See tips #1 and #2 above. You can never go wrong by pitching to them that which they already know. At the end of the day, they want money. The market proves to us day in and day out that one need not break barriers, blow minds, or explore new territory with our creative fiction. What sells today is what sold yesterday… with a shiny new coating.

Kill off as many characters as needed to feel edgy. Look kids: sex and death sell. Nothing in fiction is off limits. Hell, they killed a major character on Family Guy not even a month ago, and boom, he’s back. Captain America? Time bullet. Batman? Time warp. Thor? Ragnorak. The X-Men? Time vortex. Get violent if you need to. Hell, Man of Steel and The Avengers leveled near entire cities to make their point. Better yet, they gave away the secret to how you end things afterwards. Want your audience to leave with a knowing smirk on their face? Have your heroes be a bit witty amidst the wanton destruction, and maybe let them get a sandwich. Need your audience to feel remorse for all the devastation? Have your hero scream in agony, and then end on the witty retort. Boom. Roll the credits, and whatever you do… Do not forget the stinger. Thanks to Mickey, we have to end everything, and then end it again. Or, pull a Jackson: end your piece, and then end it eight more times. Each time make it gayer and more emotionally despondent. People eat that crap up like McRibs.

Remember that the critics, fans, et al don’t matter anymore. In the age of the Internet, everyone is a critic. Thanks to news sites, blogs, somehow-still-alive newspapers, social media, et cetera, every new release is covered by hundreds of would-be pundits. No matter your score, trust me, you’re fine. If you deliver an atrocity? You’ll pop up on everybody’s Worst Of lists, and your sales will spike as rubber-neckers come to guffaw. Get a middle of the road review? Just head to the comment section, and accuse yourself (anonymously) of being gay, racist, or a gay-racist. Then, as yourself, open up an Instagram account, and post angst-riddled notes of how depressing your life is. Soon enough, they’ll forget if your work was any good anyways. Hell, go apeshit and you could end up like Charlie Sheen. He went AWOL, and nabbed a 20/90 backend multi-season pickup for a show so by-the-book, most scripts are handled via an AOL mad-lib generator.

As far as fans go, just know that you’re safe. When you do an acceptable job writing up the expectable (it is a word now.), only elitist Onion readers will get up in arms. Do you really care if a horn-rimmed glasses wearing, curly mustachioed, corduroy and bow-tie bedazzled Arcade Fire fan thinks your work is shallow and pedantic? Do you mind that I just lifted a line straight off The Simpsons? Of course you don’t! At the end of the day, you want a paycheck and a fluffy credit. I want a yes-man. It’s a win-win situation.

The key to this all is simple. The world is going to end eventually. You’re either going to be frozen is actual carbonite (rich people have the technology – for real) or buried in a pine box right off the highway. It’s your call. Live and eat well by doing what they tell you to do, or have a backbone and visible ribs. The choice is yours. Your foolproof plan is laid out above.

When you’re famous, do me a solid and link back to this article. I’m cold, and extra readers keeps my furnace running.

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

MONDAY: Mindy Newell

 

Meet Jen Krueger

jen-krueger-headshot-123x225-2507518I’m guessing that throughout an average lifetime we meet approximately 25 billion people. I could be wrong, but that’s what it seems like. After all, not all of these folks are worth meeting – and more than a handful of them are truly disgusting.

Well, tomorrow morning ComicMix is going to do you a favor: we’re going to introduce you to a clever, funny, intelligent and knowledgeable person who is definitely worth meeting. This is because tomorrow morning, at 8 AM EST-USA, we’re happy to say you are going to meet our newest columnist, Jen Krueger.

I could say a lot about Jen, which is weird because I’ve yet to meet her. Outside of the fact that the entire continental United States separates us, it is clear to me that if we were to meet for an early dinner our conversation would last until closing time, and then continue in front of the restaurant. Okay, I’ll admit this is usually the case when two expatriated Chicagoans meet, but Jen is… amazing. I know this because I’ve read her first ComicMix column – the one you’ll be reading tomorrow morning – and I’ve seen some of her other work.

But given the fact that we have yet to meet, I’m going to let Jen describe herself. According to the official ComicMix Book of Rules and Regulations, she’s going to do this in the third-person.

Jen Krueger is a writer and improviser living in Los Angeles. Ask her and she’ll proudly tell you she hails from Chicago. Don’t ask her, and she’ll probably tell you anyway. Jen is the Associate Director of the L.A. Indie Improv Festival and runs Friday night indie improv show The Manifesto Show with her team Comrades. Jen also hosts PrePopCulture, a podcast about pop culture before it pops. She owns one Calvinball, two sonic screwdrivers, and has degrees in Curiosity and Advanced Curiosity.

You’ll get to know Jen better after you read her first ComicMix column, right here on this unique slice of ether, Tuesday morning.

Which calls up the need for a bit of housekeeping.

You might ask “Hey! What happened to Emily S. Whitten?” To which I respond: you didn’t read her November 26th column… so I’ll encapsulate. For the next six months, Emily will be deep in work so she’s shifting to a monthly posting schedule, on or about the 25th of each month. She will be back to her weekly posting schedule after May 2014… and we miss her already.

Now you may ask “Hey! What happened to Martin Pasko?” To which I respond: hmmm… maybe we’ll run a contest.

 

Win a Blu-ray Copy of The Wolverine

bd-combo-e1385933222540-7587654What does it take to get a woman’s attention? The answer, gentlemen: Iron Claws. Logan, played by Hugh Jackman in The Wolverine, knows exactly what we mean. Jackman returns as The Wolverine and faces his ultimate nemesis in an action-packed, life-or-death battle that takes him to modern-day Japan. Vulnerable for the first time and pushed to his limits, Wolverine confronts not only lethal samurai steel but also his inner struggle against his own immortality; an epic fight that will leave him forever changed. Through all of this, Logan has no problem attracting women, some trying to save him and others trying to kill him. To prepare you for the film’s release on to DVD and Blu-ray today, we’ve compiled a list of The Wolverine’s leading ladies who can’t seem to take their paws off of his claws!

1.   Yukio: The Body Guard

the-wolverine-rila-fukushima-yukio2-e1385933181141-7321075Yukio always remained in the “Friend Zone” with Logan, and it’s probably for the best. Thanks to her, Wolverine was able to dodge death several times. She is a badass sidekick!

2.     Viper: Toxin Immune “Doctor”

viper-e1385933346368-3841532Viper and The Wolverine have so much in common. Both are mutants, both have claws; both are pretty much immortal. While Viper wasn’t exactly fighting for Logan’s love and affection, she couldn’t’ seem to stay away. Even after Logan survives Viper’s murder attempt via a bot she put on his heart both he and she kept coming back for more!

3. Jean Grey: The Ex

jean-grey-e1385933305421-8438137While her appearance in the film is short and sweet, we find out that it didn’t end that way between the ex lovers. The Wolverine was forced to kill Jean, but it’s okay because she still loves him.  No hard feelings!

4. Mariko: The One to Save

Originally, Mariko plays hard to get, she doesn’t think she needs The Wolverine’s help. Well, let’s just say she was wrong. Not only did Logan save Mariko from being killed, she also fell in love with him. I think it’s safe to say he loves her too.

wolverinemarikoaw-620x349-e1385933268914-8146851In order to enter the contest, tell us which one is his True Love and why. Get us your thoughts by 11:59 p.m., Saturday, December 7. Open to US and Canadian readers only and the judgment of ComicMix‘s judges will be final.

BBC News confirms “A Number” of Doctor Who missing episodes found

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Those who were waiting for the BBC itself to weigh in with a statement can stop waiting. BBC News announced on their website today that “a number” of lost Doctor Who episodes have been found, and returned.

As discussed in our story from earlier in the week, the titular “number”, reaching as high as 106 in rumors  that have circulated for most of the summer, may be “two”.  The Radio Times reported two found adventures over the weekend, quietly following a more bombastic and hand-wavey piece by the tabloid The Mirror that went with the more sensationalist 106 figure.

The rumors (repeated almost verbatim in the Mirror piece) claim the questionably-sized cache was found in a TV station vault in Ethiopia.  The BBC piece (which can be assumed the least apocryphal, or at least, the least wildly inaccurate, ) avoids any specifics of source, other than that some episodes have been recovered.  This lack of detail may indicate that even they are just reporting the existence of a rumor.  Some writers have reminded the populace that even BBC News gets it wrong about events in their own organization.

A press conference, originally announced for Tuesday, was postponed to later in the week.  No specific details of the conference have been shared, but the BBC article suggests that news about how these episodes will be made available for viewing will be included.  This parallels the Radio Times’ report that the episodes will be available via iTunes.

So, very slow progress, but considering that more than a couple experts had once posited that all the episodes that would ever be found have been, ANY progress is monumental.  And as Steven Moffat has discussed himself in a recent interview, the media knows that reporting anything about Doctor Who will bring eyes to their pages, traditional or electronic.

Watch this proverbial space for more news, likely occurring over New York Comic Con, where the staff of ComicMix (including yr. obt. svt.) will attempt to separate the news from the rumor, and likely then going ahead and reporting both.

At this point, we must assume that there is nothing that can be assumed, and as sage advice, I shall draw your attention this dialogue from the classic of political satire, Yes, Minister:

Bernard Woolley: (I’ve heard) that there is £1 million worth of diamonds from South Africa in a Downing Street safe, but of course it’s only a rumour.
James Hacker: Is that true?
Woolley: Oh, yes.
Hacker: So, there ARE all those diamonds in Downing Street!
Woolley: Are there?
Hacker: You just said there were.
Woolley: No, I didn’t.
Hacker: Yes, you did! You said you’d heard this rumour, I said is it true, you said yes!
Woolley: I said yes, it was true that it was a rumour.
Hacker: You said you heard it was true!
Woolley: No, I said it was true that I heard it!

Mindy Newell: The Doctor Who Dream Of Isabel Sofia Newell

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It All Gives Me A Headache: Part Three (otherwise known as Multiverse University) is pre-empted this week to present a column by a special guest.

A few months before her birthday, Isabel asked me if I watched Doctor Who.  Oh, yeah, I said.  Do you?  She hadnt, but all her friends were raving about Matt Smith.  Tell you what, I said.  Ill get you the DVD set of Doctor Who.         

But I made a mistake.  I only got her the 11th Doctors series.  I figured that if she liked Matt, I would backtrack and get her the Chris Eccleston and David Tennant series.           

But my brother thought it would be best to start at the beginning plus I think he was curious about the whole Whovian phenomenon so, using Netflix, Isabel and he have been binging on the Time Lord, starting with the 9th Doctor.     

Theyre both hooked. 

And Isabel had a dream.        

This to cop a phrase from Law & Order is her story.

                   

You think you have had the best dreams about the Doctor and his TARDIS?  You might want to think twice.

It started like this. I got on a bus to Hogwarts.  I knew something was wrong because you take the train to Hogwarts, not a bus.  I had just put my luggage away when I looked out the window of the bus and saw the Doctor standing there watching me.  Before I could do or say anything the bus took off and then just as suddenly stopped.  I got off the bus.

We were at Hogwarts, and…

…it was in the middle of town.

Again I knew something was wrong.  And no way was I going to go into Hogwarts if it was so public.

Then I saw the Doctor walking right towards me, but something was wrong again, because right in front of my eyes he suddenly split into the 9th, 10th, and 11th Doctors!

“This is crazy!” I thought to myself, and started running.

And ran smack into two metal things.

I fell down and looked up.

I was staring at a Cyberman and a Dalek.

“Exterminate!” said the Dalek.

“Delete!” said the Cyberman.

Suddenly I had a sword in my hand.

I swung, striking the Dalek in its eye.  I swung again, and exposed the Cyberman’s emotion-blocking chip.  I reached in and pulled it out.  Both the Dalek and Cyberman exploded into tiny bits of metal that rained down upon me.

I stood up, searching for somewhere to hide.

The TARDIS!

I ran to it, but I couldn’t open the door.

I saw the three Doctors coming towards me.  I knew that I had to get away from them.  I knew they couldn’t all be together at one time.  That they were not my friends.

I ran into a darkened theater.  I looked back.  The three Doctors were still on my tail.

I kept running until I couldn’t run anymore.  I collapsed.  The three Doctors were almost upon me.  I had lost my sword.

Then all of a sudden the three Doctors merged into one, and it was the 10th Doctor.  He picked me up, brought me into the TARDIS, laid me down on a bed, and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

And I knew that I was safe.

•     •     •     •     •

Isabel Sofia Newell is a vivacious 13 year-old who I have known since she was born.  A young woman of many talents, she is an accomplished blue-ribbon equestrienne on the show circuit, a cellist with PhilOrchKids the Philadelphia Orchestras young musician program and the Symphony in C Orchestra intensive summer camp based at the Gordon Theater at the Rutgers-Camden Center for the Arts in Camden, New Jersey.  She is also a gifted singer, who has wowed audiences with her performance as everybodys red-haired orphan, ANNIE, in junior summer stock.

Isabel is also a voracious reader, a fan of, among other things, Bone by Jeff Smith, the Archie family of comics, Percy Jackson, and, of course, Harry Potter.         

And just recently, Isabel has become a Whovian. 

TUESDAY MORNING: Emily S. Whitten

TUESDAY AFTERNOON: Michael Davis

The Book Cave Episode 243: Rants and Ramblings

The Book Cave‘s host, Ric Croxton goes on a short rant. Afterward, Ric and co-host, Art Sippo, talk about books and everything else that’s on their minds. You would think it would be a short episode with those two talking about what is on their minds, wouldn’t you?

Well, you might be wrong.

Listen to The Book Cave Episode 243: Rants and Ramblings here for the full story.

Martha Thomases on the Zen of Con

thomases-art-130719-7865912You are at the San Diego Comic-Con, the biggest pop-culture event on the planet. And you may feel a little over-whelmed. So many people. So much to see, so much sound and color. So many nay-sayers, such as myself a week ago.

What should you do?

Let me help. I am going to tell you how to have the best time possible.

It’s not a matter of rules (wear comfortable shoes) or tricks (there is a secret passageway between the Hyatt bar and Hall H, known only to the local Masons). It’s a matter of attitude.

Surrender.

You’ve been planning since you got the programming schedule, and you have your weekend planned out like a military assault.

Give it up.

Well, don’t give it up. Just be prepared for things to go wrong.

The best con experiences I’ve had have been great precisely because I could not have planned them. Perhaps I got locked out of a panel I really wanted to see because of an ever crowded floor slowing my progress, but on the way back, I saw a cosplay staging of all the crews of the various Star Trek series.

Or the people I’ve met, standing in line for signings.

Or the great Italian restaurant you got to through a grocery store, where I took out 15 people for not much more than $200, including drinks. Never been able to find it again. I think it’s like Brigadoon.

You are in one of our nation’s most beautiful cities, on the water, with hundreds of thousands of people who share your interests. Don’t get so caught up I what you’re going to do next that you don’t notice what you’re doing now.

Breathe out. Breathe in.

My point is, if your happiness depends on successfully completing your plans, you will fail. If you have goals, but keep yourself open to possibility, you will have stories to tell.

Stories. Ultimately, that’s what the San Diego Comic-Con is all about.

SATURDAY: Marc Alan Fishman

SUNDAY: John Ostrander

 

Dennis O’Neil: The Obese Lone Ranger

oneil-art-130711-6274068I’m hungry. Gimme a plate. No, a bigger one. Bigger. Bigger! Big as a house, a stadium. Now, lemme eat. Eggs and cheese and pork chops and ice cream and popsicles and pickles and brownies and doughnuts and cake and candy and pies and french fries and hot dogs and hamburgers and cinnamon rolls and marshmallows jelly beans and and and…whatever else you got. Gimme!

urp

…don’t feel so good…

And there he goes galloping off into financial ignominy. We, of course, refer to The Lone Ranger and our first paragraph was what we English majors call a “metaphor” – a very bloated metaphor – for what we think is mainly wrong with the much maligned entertainment of the same name.

It got greedy. It wanted too much.

It wanted to be an action blockbuster and a cowboy picture and a kiddie picture and a comedy and a tale of mythic heroism and a satire and, by making the title character a well-meaning doofus with a cruel streak and his Comanche sidekick the real hero, it wanted to acknowledge the shabby treatment Native Americans have often gotten from our popular culture. Go ahead – try to get all that into one movie, even a long one,

Pertinent digression: Back in the sixties, I read work by a journalist named Gene Marine who used the term “engineering mentality,” by which he meant the conviction that if we can build something, we should build it and piffle on the consequences. So we can put up this dam and let’s not bother ourselves with the fact that there may be other, cheaper ways to accomplish whatever this dam is supposed to accomplish without disrupting the environment for miles in every direction. Give a fella a huge budget and by golly he’ll do something with it.

The Lone Ranger had a huge budget.

It might have benefitted from a smaller one. With less money to spend, the film makers might have been forced to decide on exactly which movie they wanted to make and focused plot and action accordingly. Less might have been more.

urp

A final item for all you conspiracy mavens out there: in the embryonic continuity that The Lone Ranger’s creators were devising way back in the 1930s and 40s, probably with no idea that they were doing so, the Lone Ranger had a descendant, Britt Reid, who rode a big car (instead of a big horse) and had an Asian sidekick (instead of Comanche sidekick) and wore a mask and, yes, fought crime. Now: a couple of years ago there was a Green Hornet movie in which the white dude is the klutz and his non-white partner is the real ass-kicker.

One of the Hornet movie’s production team said there wouldn’t be a sequel because of a disappointing ticket sales and the news media are full of the woeful information that The Lone Ranger bombed big time at the box office. Coincidence? You decide.

And one other thing: urp

THURSDAY AFTERNOON: Martin Pasko

FRIDAY MORNING: Martha Thomases

 

In response to Kelly Sue DeConnick…

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Kelly Sue DeConnick posted this on her Tumblr this morning. Reading the question I was saddened and angered but not surprised.

In industries that have a history of being a boys club, it’s not unusual to assume females are there either because of sleeping their way in or being the token female and therefore inferior to their male colleges. I am incredibly lucky to work in a technology company with a female CEO where being a woman is not looked down upon. I don’t have to worry about bout being thought of as a second class citizen because of my gender. Sadly, this is not true of all companies or all industries.

While I do not work in the comic book industry, I do spend a lot of time hanging out at my local comic shop House Of Secrets and I work programming magic for ComicMix on occasion. Both of these places were so welcoming to me when I took my first step into the world of comic books. I feel blessed to know all of the awesome people who work there.

Over the past year or so, as I dug myself out of a self-imposed hole of isolation, I started noticing a trend. I became aware that even though this is 2013, even though my mother and my grandmother fought this fight, it is still vitally important to stand up for myself and my gender. Somehow in 2013 I had to take stock of all the things I took for granted and take up the mantle of feminism. And I thought to myself ‘Really? This is 2013, right?’ We already fought for the right to vote, work and have a family or not when or if we felt it was right.

Yet here we are, still underrepresented in pay, out numbered in many professions (comics, technology, science, engineering, the list goes on) and less likely to be in the top jobs in whatever field we are in. It pains me that we have to resort to asking people to think of their daughters or their sisters to have the empathy to understand what is happening instead of just expecting them to treat human beings as human beings. Things like this seem to happen everyday, and I don’t know what to do to fix them. So I do what little I can.

First, if you are a woman in tech, comics, or any field just drop me a line. If nothing else, I can be your own personal cheerleader. Second off, to Kelly Sue, I’m sorry some asshole assumed you married your way in to Marvel. Your writing alone shows how terribly wrong he is. That said, I kinda want to be you when I grow up :). Your writing has proven to so many women that we can stand out and be awesome in whatever the hell it is we do and that should outshines any trolls.

I was helping out at House of Secrets the other day and a girl came in looking for Buffy season 9 vol. 1, which was sold out. I told her if she wanted an awesome female doing awesome things to check out your Captain Marvel TP. We discussed feminist comic books, and how amazing it is that they even exist. We agreed if women like us who are amazing at our jobs and proud of it don’t stand up, mentor other women, and keep the torch burning, everything our mothers and grandmothers and great grandmothers fought for can disappear in an instant it seems.

And now that I’ve had my ‘I am woman here me roar speech’ we now return your regularly scheduled posts of dinosaurs covered in glitter and the like.

Reposted from Sara Unplugged.

 

NEW DIGEST SERIES DEBUTS FROM PRO SE PRODUCTIONS-DRAMATIS PERSONAE! TRUTH IS FICTION!

Pro Se Productions, a Publisher known for Innovative Genre Fiction and New Pulp, announces one of its most interesting, unique projects to date!  Author Joseph Lamere brings a wild concept to Pro Se in the first volume of his digest series, DRAMATIS PERSONAE! 

The Truth isn’t stranger than Fiction. Truth is Fiction! Find out in Joseph Lamere’s DRAMATIS PERSONAE: PUBLIC DOMAIN!

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For your whole life secrets have been kept from you. Science and history books have gotten it wrong. They only tell part of the story. Maybe someday these books will be rewritten, but only if Diogenes Ra’s secret gets out. 

If you only knew what Diogenes Ra knew

He knows something the rest of us don’t. Fiction is real. All your favorite characters exists, their stories overlapping in one grand, timeless narrative. Diogenes Ra can access that narrative. For the right price he will even bring your favorite fictional characters here to our world. But they can’t be gone long. They have to get back to their stories in time for you to read them or watch them on TV. 

Diogenes Ra believes he alone possesses the ability to pass unchecked between this world and the one we mistakenly call fiction. He’s about to find out he’s wrong. 

“One of the awesome things about being a Publisher of Genre Fiction,” Tommy Hancock, Partner in and Editor-in-Chief of Pro Se states, “is that it’s a fertile field for new and different takes on old standards.  With DRAMATIS PERSONAE, Joseph has brought something to the table that’s part mystery/part mash up/ part family drama and most definitely all Fun.   The characters jump off the page, literally within the story, but also Diogenes and crew are truly unforgettable on their own.   This is a series that Pro Se will be glad to share with the world for a long time coming.”

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: PUBLIC DOMAIN by Joseph Lamere! With Cover Art by Terry Pavlet, Format and Design by Sean Ali, and Ebook Design by Russ Anderson! The first of a fantastically imaginative new series from Pro Se Productions!

DRAMATIS PERSONAE: PUBLIC DOMAIN is available for $8.00 in print from Pro Se’s own store at https://www.createspace.com/4234535, from Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/d8kjfnl and available in digital format for $2.99 for your Nook at http://tinyurl.com/crtlvjc, on your Kindle at http://tinyurl.com/c5tu4ta, and for other formats via Smashwords at http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/303433!

Interested in interviews and review copies of this title? Email Morgan Minor, Pro Se’s Director of Corporate Operations at TommyHancockPulp@yahoo.com