Comicmix Six: Lovelorn Losers and Loners
Valentine’s Day can be a lovely little holiday, can’t it? You and your sweetie exchange little trinkets of love… romantic candle lit dinners… kanoodling on the futon while you watch DVR’ed episodes of Doctor Who… you know, all that gushy stuff. But we know for some out there, the day is just another in a long line of ‘Hallmark Holidays’ meant to sap money out of fools in love. And if you don’t have a Valentine (your Mother only counts if you’re still in grade school…) well, Comicmix wants you to know you’re not alone. Here’s a few folks who think “One is the lonliest”, but deal with it anyways:
1.Ultimate Hulk – The Grey/Green (depends on the “Season” we suppose) Goliath may have have the hots for Betty… But then he started eating people, which assume was a big turn off for her. And sure, he may have a rockin’ set of abs, and can tear a tank up like tissue paper… But he’s also got serious anger management issues. He also once scaled a building yelling for Freddie Prince Jr.’s head on a platter, whilst naked. Not what we’d call a Don Juan in the least.*
2. Booster Gold – We know what you’re thinking… Cool futuristic suit. Flight. A shiny gold flying iPad 4.0 for a best friend… What’s there not to like? He’s got to be batting off the ladies with a bat! But, sadly, the DCU’s newest ‘Time Master’ is also it’s newest loner. Having to help defend the DCU’s time stream can really put a damper on a dude’s love life. And when he’s not getting pants by the Joker on a recursive loop, Booster’s biggest mission seems to be finding new ways to piss off Rip Hunter, not pitching woo to Fire.
3. Smeágol / Gollum – Middle Earth has it’s fair share of uggos, crazies, and weird dudes… But no one takes the “loner” monicker to new depths like this former Stoor-Hobbit. And hey, we admit that we sometimes have an odd ‘fondness’ for an inanimate object (we’re looking at you, fantastic replica Alan Scott Power Battery with replica ring…), but Gollum takes it to a whole new creepy level. Sorry buddy, when you’d rather leap into an active volcano to be with your ‘Valentine’ than try a round of Speed Dating at the Prancing Pony… you’re taking the term ‘dedicated bachelor’ to a new low.
We’re feeling extra ooey-gooey today. In celebration of this love-filled day, we wish you and your better half have a lovely St. Valentine’s day. May your love be like those who taught us how to love.
And… to my own Valentine… Kathy ‘Zatanna’ Fishman… For making me the luckiest Unshaven Comic around. Love you sweetie!
According to sources at 
OK, we don’t know what Grant really thinks. But it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? Here you go kids… Your big shot to impress the big shots over at DC. A chance to put the words right in Bat’s big, square pie hole. Just type to your hearts content, and create your master piece.
Though covered point-by-point by Marvel’s EIC 
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