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REVIEW: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan Director’s Cut

st_wok_bd-orng_3d-e1460671343368-6159761Home Video fans have a lot to look forward to as Paramount Home Entertainment releases a variety of Star Trek material this year. First up and arriving Tuesday, just days after its 34th anniversary is Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan Director’s Cut. This is the first time director Nicholas Meyer’s version of the now-classic film is available on Blu-ray.

There’s little left to say about just how good the film is and looking back, we can easily see the affection both cast and crew put into the production. There was a gamble in bringing in Harve Bennett to produce and Meyer to direct only because neither had been a part of Trek previously and Paramount needed the film to be a major success to salvage the franchise.

Thankfully, Bennett understand the genre and Meyer was a gifted novelist and filmmaker so got down to the core elements. He let the characters age and made that a theme of the film along with the story of revenge using Ricardo Montalban’s driven Khan Noonien Singh. Additionally, Meyer moved away from the bright, sterile Enterprise that Robert Wise envisioned in the first feature. It was darker with, as he put it, “more winkie blinkies”, the lights that made the bridge feel purposeful.

We warmed immediately to the film in part because from the outset the ensemble was present, active, and demonstrating the camaraderie we came to love about the original series. James Horner’s nearly pitch perfect score added an emotional depth coupled with ILM’s cutting edge computer effects.

The Director’s Cut restored three minutes of bits of business and reframed some scenes but didn’t include everything and I still miss the exchange between Spock and Saavik that revealed her to be a Romulan-Vulcan hybrid. The pacing and tension remains intact and the film still rivets you to the seat and brings a lump to your throat as you watch Kirk and Spock say goodbye.

The high definition transfer is solid, working from the original negatives. If anything it’s a little dark and you’re conscious of the film stock’s grain but these are minor quibbles for an older film.  The 7.1 Dolby True HD audio track is a fine complement.

star-trek-the-wrath-of-khan-e1465146576321-6376846All the original extras from the DVD edition are intact including Meyer’s Audio Commentary on the Theatrical and Director’s Cut, Meyer and Manny Coto’s commentary on the Theatrical version, and Michael & Denise Okluda’s text commentary on the Director’s Cut. Additionally, you get Captain’s Log (27:00) comprised of Designing Khan, Original Interview with DeForest Kelley, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and Montalban; Where no man has Gone Before, The Visual Effects of Star Trek II, and James Horner: Composing Genesis.

The Star Trek Universe portion contains looks at Collecting Star Trek’s Movie Relics; A Novel Approach as buddies Greg Cox and Julia Ecklar discuss the Pocket Books program; and Starfleet Academy: The Mystery Behind Ceti Alpha V. You also get Farewell, Meyer’s tribute to Montalban who died in 2009; Storyboards, and the Theatrical trailer.

New to the disc is a 30 minute featurette, The Genesis Effect: Engineering the Wrath of Khan. Here, Meyer, producer Robert Sallin, producer Ralph Winter, and journalists Mark Altman and Larry Nemecek walk you through a condensed version of how the second film in the series was made. Sadly, this was produced after both Bennett and Nimoy passed away last year although Adam Nimoy briefly fills in for his father and Sallin gives Bennett his due. A handful of others, including The Big Bang Theory’s Bill Prady, discuss repeatedly sitting in the theater and reacting to the film, notably Spock’s death. It’s a nice tribute to a wonderful film.

Is it worth owning for the high definition version and 30 minutes of talking heads? That’s purely your choice but for me, I was transported and delighted, sucked in all over again.

Mindy Newell: Tiptoeing Through Geek Culture

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Last of the Mohicans, by James Feinmore Cooper, is a great American classic. My parents had a Book-of-the-Month copy in their bookcase with illustrations by Newell Wyeth, Andrew’s father, and I first read it at about age 8. Today (Sunday), I watched the 1992 Last of the Mohicans, the one starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Madeline Stowe, and Wes Studi. Great, great movie, also a favorite of my buddy and fellow columnist Johnny O’s; in fact, it was John and Kim who turned me on to this particular cinema adaption, oh, those so many years ago at their home in Norfolk, Connecticut. I was familiar with the 1936 version, which starred Randolph Scott, Bruce Cabot, and Binnie Barnes, which was pretty good, but director Michael Mann’s adaptation is a gothic work of art, boasting beautiful cinematography and a romantic and haunting soundtrack.

outlander-2975787I’ve also been blissfully gorging on Season 2 of Outlander, Ronald D. Moore’s magnificent – im-not-so-ho – adaptation of the second book of Diana Gabaldon’s Scottish time-traveling romance and adventure series. As the season continues to build to the 1745 tragic and final confrontation between King George II’s British troops and the Jacobite rebels who followed “Bonnie” Prince Charles Stuart in the failed attempt to restore the Stuart monarchy, Claire is suffering from what we call today Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Jamie is taking on more than a veneer of the hated British army’s discipline and attitude, going so far as to flog his troops.

Thanks to the oversight of Moore and his team, including his wife, costume designer Terry Dresbach, and the lush cinematography of Neville Kid, not to mention the remarkable cast, Outlander is far more than a variation of the “bodice ripper” genre; it is a gripping tale of a culture that now exists only in books, films, television shows, Renaissance Fairs, and museums.

captain-america-hydra-7707232I know that my buddy Marc Alan Fishman is demonstrating the mature side of the argument, taking a “wait-and-see” attitude, but as for me – well, there is so much that is wrong about Captain America: Hydra Agent that all I can say is:

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! But I do have a better candidate for Hydra membership.

Donald Trump Suggests Muslim Judge Might Also Be Unfair. Candace Smith, ABC News, June 5, 2016: Donald Trump, already facing bi-partisan backlash for his comments suggesting a judge of Mexican descent is unfit to preside over a lawsuit filed against Trump University because of ‘bias,’ has gone further, suggesting that a Muslim judge would also not be able to treat him fairly…”

Trump Plays GOP for Suckers – Calls Climate Change ‘Bullshit,’ Then Submits Plan For A Wall To Protect His Golf Course From Global Warming. Page 4-5. New York Daily News, front page, May 24, 2016: “The notoriously fickle Republican huckster, who at various times has labeled climate change a ‘con job,’ a ‘hoax’ and ‘bullshit,’ has reportedly applied to build a wall along a luxury golf course that he owns in Ireland that is threatened by rising seas caused by climate change.

Perhaps it is Donald Trump who is the Hydra agent.

The Point Radio: Buckle Up For More UNREAL

Lifetime’s critically acclaimed series, UNREAL is back with a new season starting tonight. Series stars Constance Zimmer and Shiri Appleby talk about what fans can expect and what the reaction has been from actual reality TV shows. Plus summer blockbusters are hitting every weekend and Fandango’s Alicia Malone gives us a guide of just what will be ticket worthy this summer.

Follow us here on Instagram or on Twitter here.

Ed Catto: Teaching The Teacher at the Bergen Arts Festival

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teen-arts-freida-crying-7761712Kids these days… they’re all irreverent slackers, consumed in the little bubbles of social media and self-absorption, right? Not so fast! That’s not what I just experienced at all.

Each year, Bergen (County New Jersey) Community College is the site for the Bergen Teen Arts Festival. This impressive event invites outstanding high school students to participate in a daylong celebration of creativity, youth and the arts. It’s packed full of live performances – music, theater and more. An art exhibit showcases impressive drawing, painting and sculpting talent. The Festival offers more creative workshops than any student could ever attend in one day.

And the weather gods must support it, because it always seems to be held on a gorgeous, sunny day.

Evan Cooper, the Teen Arts Administrator is a focused and supportive guy with a great skill for setting the stage and then letting the students and teachers shine. Three years ago, Evan, along with creative writing expert Jim O’Rourke, recruited me to teach a class on creating graphic novels.

teen-arts-superhero-guitar-8405833It’s been a fantastic experience. For my part, I try to distill some of my best (art) life lessons, learned from the likes of everyone from Scott McCloud to Joe Kubert to all my own art teachers. My goal is to help spark an interest in kids for the art form of comics. We have a lot fun in these classes, and if you’ll allow me to brag, they are always SRO.

Newsflash – they don’t really need me. They already get it. They’ve already earned their pilots licenses, or are in the process. I’m just the airport runway.

So, in fact, as the teacher, I have the opportunity to learn a lot in these classes. Here are some of this year’s observations:

teen-arts-student-manga-sketchbook-5056323Manga is a Second Language to Many – If you attended the Book Expo and talked with bookstore retailers, they might have told you that the Manga craze (i.e. Japanese Comics) is dead. That’s not what I saw at all. So many of today’s high school students, presumably having enjoyed manga in their formative years, love this style and love to express themselves in this style.

Today’s Cool Kids – Years ago, when I was in high school, I made the mistake of wearing Batman apparel and was mocked (by one of the school’s prettiest blondes, no less) for my absurd, immature pop culture tastes. Today it’s so much the opposite. This isn’t a newsflash to anyone who’s been paying attention, but it’s still just incredible to me.

In each of the three classes I taught that day, there were one or two kids who wore superhero shirts and they were instantly the experts. They’d talk about the recent Captain America: Civil War movie, or Steve Ditko or digital comics or AMC’s new Preacher series. They knew their stuff and everyone respected them.

Lots of Talent – These kids were good! One student had already had his work accepted onto ComiXology’s Submit program (click here for more details) there was such a wide range of imagination and creativity.

What a day! Can’t we just fast-forward to the near future when these kids are published and see what they have to say?

Longmire Season 4 Heads for Home Sept. 13

Longmire Season 4BURBANK, CA (June 2, 2016) – After finding out who had a hand in his wife’s murder, Sheriff Walt Longmire is back for the fourth season of the hit crime drama LONGMIRE.  In this gripping three-disc, 10-episode set, characters test their courage and face challenges that will ultimately define them. The thrilling third season of this contemporary Western captivated fans across the country, demanding for Netflix to bring it back for a fourth season.  Warner Bros. Home Entertainment will release Longmire: The Complete Fourth Season on DVD on September 13, 2016 for $24.98.

Longmire: The Complete Fourth Season will also be available to own on Digital HD via purchase from digital retailers on September 13, 2016.

Due to overwhelming fan demand, Longmire: The Complete Fourth Season also arrives September 13, 2016on Blu-rayTM courtesy of Warner Archive, and will be available at Amazon.com and all online retailers.

The new season finds unflappable Sheriff Walt Longmire (Robert Taylor) and his deputies trying to put the troubling events of the past behind them. The mysterious White Warrior who tormented Branch Connally (Bailey Chase) is dead, Walt’s best friend Henry Standing Bear (Lou Diamond Phillips) is a free man, Longmire’s right-hand deputy Victoria “Vic” Moretti (Katee Sackhoff) is newly divorced, and the mystery of Walt’s wife’s murder is seemingly resolved.  However, just as it looks like a second chance is truly possible for everyone; the opening of the new casino on the Reservation brings dark new problems to Walt’s corner of Wyoming.  And his fresh start is further threatened as it becomes clear that some people cannot truly move on until they have either forgiven past injustices or avenged them.

“We are delighted to release Longmire: The Complete Fourth Season on Blu-ray and DVD,” said Rosemary Markson, WBHE Senior Vice President, Television Marketing.  “With this release, fans will be able to add the contemporary Western’s thrilling fourth season to their collection to watch and share in superior viewing quality.”

Based on the Walt Longmire mystery novels written by best-selling author Craig Johnson, Longmire is executive produced by Hunt Baldwin (The Closer), John Coveny (The Closer), Greer Shephard (The Closer, Major Crimes, Nip Tuck) and Michael M. Robin (The Closer, Major Crimes, Nip Tuck).  Starring Robert Taylor, Katee Sackhoff, Lou Diamond Phillips, Bailey Chase, Cassidy Freeman and Adam Bartley, this hit drama is produced by The Shephard/Robin Company in association with Warner Horizon Television.

Digital HD

The fourth season of Longmire will be available September 13, 2016 to own on Digital HD. Digital HD allows consumers to instantly stream and download all episodes to watch anywhere and anytime on their favorite devices.  Digital HD is available from various digital retailers including Amazon Video, CinemaNow, iTunes, PlayStation, Vudu, Xbox and others.

*Limited Time Offer. Restrictions and Limitations apply. Does not include iTunes Digital Copy file. Go to ultraviolet.flixster.com/info for details.

10 One-Hour Episodes

  1. Down by the River
  2. War Eagle
  3. High Noon
  4. Four Arrows
  5. Help Wanted
  6. The Calling Back
  7. Highway Robbery
  8. Hector Lives
  9. Shotgun
  10. What Happens on the Rez …

John Ostrander: Self-Employable Comics

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hexer-dusk-2-5527631I love writing and I am so glad I’ve been able to make a living at it. I’m very thankful to all the fans and all the publishers who have enabled me to do that over the years.

The trick is in getting the work. There’s this malady known as “freelancer’s disease” which consists of a freelancer taking every gig offered because you’re afraid that if you turn down any, they will all go away. It’s not rational but it’s real and it’s how some freelancers wind up taking on too much work. I’ve been sick with that disease from time to time. To make a living from writing, though, depends on a publisher saying yes.

That’s changed a bit in recent years thanks to the phenomenon of crowd funding where the artist can put together a project and then, if they can, get it up on the Internet at a crowd sourcing site such as Kickstarter or IndieGoGo. There you ask the fans to fund the project– and its their interest in what you are doing that counts. You ask the reader to trust you and your past work and invest in this new one.

hexer-dusk-3-4238078I’ve done it with Tom Mandrake for Kros: Hallowed Ground (vampires and the Civil War) and I’m trying to do it again with Jan Duursema for a science fiction project called Hexer Dusk. For over a decade, Jan and I did Star Wars comics at Dark Horse, acquiring a fan base and a rep for doing really good Star Wars stories spread over different epochs. We created a lot of new characters who also became fan favorites and we had a great time.

We stopped doing Star Wars because George Lucas sold his rights to Disney. Disney owns Marvel and the licensing rights for Star Wars comics, which were up, went to them. Since the franchise was re-defining itself and its continuity, Marvel was looking for new talent to do the comics. I don’t blame them at all; I understand the rationale completely.

However.

hexer-dusk-4-9555449Jan and I really loved doing Star Wars and had always talked about creating our own space opera – one that we would own with worlds and characters of our creation. Hexer Dusk is not Star Wars by any means, but it is informed by our work on Star Wars. We have a galaxy with space ships and blasters, yes, but there’s magic and monsters and horror as well. And humor. You can’t have a slightly off kilter combat robot without humor. It’s also gritty and grungy because that’s what we do.

Jan got the idea for the project from a dream she had of great sky cities floating above a planet that were at war with one another. There were massive explosions and both cities were destroyed. It was a very vivid dream and, when she told it to me, the images were very vivid in my mind as well.

Every story has a genesis point and that was ours for Hexer Dusk. We started riffing together, throwing ideas back and forth as we did when working on Star Wars. Jan brought in Xane Dusk, the Weird, KOMBOT, and beadies. I brought in scavvers–Prybar, Sooz, Captain Skargle and The Missus. Heck of a party!  And then there are the Razers who want to destroy all remaining Hexers – including Xane Dusk.

Xane Dusk is one of the last of the Hexers. That’s bad news for the galaxy because, when the Sky Cities exploded and fell, they created an other-dimensional rift in the fabric of space and these strange nightmarish creatures started coming through. They’re called The Weird and they can only exist in Xane’s galaxy by possessing existing bodies – living or dead. It’s a problem because the only ones who can really deal with the Weird are the Hexers and, as I said, Xane may be the last of them.

This story is going to happen. Our Kickstarter is basically funded with enough for printing, shipping, creating art rewards and Kickstarter fees and we’re now working on the stretch goals.  Stretch goals are important because they will provide enough funding so that we can pay for art, writing, lettering, and colors as well as possibly adding pages to the story and a black and white PDF or print version of Hexer Dusk. Stretch goals are a way of bringing those kinds of extras to the backers of the project. If these stretch goals are achieved every backer gets more rewards. Which is cool.

Our Kickstarter project is at https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/313324911/hexer-dusk and I invite you to come take a look. There are some preview pages up  with some really nifty art from Jan as well as descriptions of various reward levels ranging from a PDF of the graphic novel to a printed book with sketchcards or a sketch by Jan. You can also read the first nine pages of the book by going to www.hexerdusk.com

We’ve still got a week to go before the Kickstarter ends so we’re hoping for more folks to jump on the Hexer Dusk train – and to spread word about Hexer Dusk to their friends. Getting more eyes on this project is important. People can’t support something if they don’t know it’s there and word of mouth really is the best promoter. As always, we depend on our fans.

As they used to say on the old Bartles and Jaymes TV commercials, “We thank you for your support.”

The Martian Extended Edition Beams for Home Tuesday

Martian_Extended_Cut_BDThe Martian Extended Edition

The film that blew audiences away is back and bigger than ever with more than two hours special feature material that will give viewers even more reasons to “Bring Him Home.” Audience everywhere can journey back to Mars with the all-new extended cut of the 7-time Academy Award nominated space film The Martian coming to Digital HD, DVD, Blu-ray and 4K Ultra HD on June 7, 2016.

The extended edition includes an extended cut featuring 10 minutes of brand new footage not shown in theaters as well as more than two hours of behind-the-scenes content. Included in the new material is audio commentary by renowned director Ridley Scott, writer/executive producer Drew Goddard and author of the novel Andy Weir. There is also a documentary of the science behind recreating Mars for the film; interviews with NASA specialists and engineers; and a Q&A panel discussion about the planned journey to mars featuring commentary from NASA experts.

The Martian is one of the most talked about films of the year and has been named one of the best movies of the year by groups such as National Board of Review, which also awarded top honors to Ridley Scott for Best Director, Matt Damon for Best Actor and Drew Goddard for Best Adapted Screenplay.

NEW Special Features Content Includes:

  • Audio Commentary by Ridley Scott (Director), Drew Goddard (Writer, Exec Producer) and Andy Weir (Author of The Martian)
  • Deleted Scenes
  • The Long Way Home: Making the Martian
  • Dare Mighty Things: NASA’s Journey to Mars
  • Journey to Mars 101 Q&A

Blu-ray Audio:
English DTS-HD-MA 7.1
English AD DD 5.1
Spanish DD 5.1
French DD 5.1

English COMMENTARY DD 2.0 Stereo: Ridley Scott, Drew Goddard and Andy Weir

Blu-ray Subs:
English SDH
Spanish
French

DVD Audio:
English DD 5.1
English AD DD 5.1
Spanish DD 2.0 Surround
French DD 2.0 Surround

DVD Subtitles:
English SDH
Spanish
French

Scooby-Doo Enters the Squared Circle with the WWE

box-art-3d-e1464962159513-6708945BURBANK, California (June 2, 2016) – Everyone’s favorite mystery-solving gang reunites with WWE to defeat the evil phantom, Inferno, in the all-new animated film, Scooby-Doo and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon, co-produced by WWE Studios, Warner Bros. Home Entertainment and Warner Bros. Animation. Full of twists and turns, Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon, will be available on Blu-Ray Combo Pack, DVD and Digital HD for $24.98/$19.98/$19.98 SRP on August 9, 2016, just in time for the excitement of this year’s WWE SummerSlam.

When Scooby and the gang attend an off-road racing competition, the last thing they expect is to stumble upon a menacing phantom. However, before they can say “ruh-roh,” things take a turn for the worse, as Inferno schemes to sabotage the race and cause chaos for everyone. With the help of WWE Superstars Triple H, Paige and Sheamus, as well as Scooby’s new driving partner, The Undertaker, it’s up to Scooby-Doo and the Mystery Inc. gang to save the race before it’s too late!

With a star-studded voice cast, including WWE Superstars The Undertaker, Triple H, Paige, Sheamus, Mr. McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, Lana™, Rusev®, The Miz®, Kofi Kingston®, and Goldust®, this action-packed film is a can’t-miss!  Bonus materials include two episodes from fan-favorite series, Be Cool Scooby-Doo! and Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated, and exclusive content containing a behind-the-scenes segment featuring Scooby-Doo Monster Jam truck drivers. Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon is a film that Scooby and WWE fans alike can enjoy!

ABOUT DIGITAL HD WITH ULTRAVIOLET

Digital HD with UltraViolet allows fans to watch a digital version of their movie or TV show anywhere, on their favorite devices. Digital HD with UltraViolet is included with the purchase of specially marked Blu-ray discs. Digital HD with UltraViolet allows consumers to instantly stream and download movies and TV shows to TVs, computers, tablets and smartphones through UltraViolet retail services like CinemaNow, Flixster, VUDU and more. For more information on compatible devices, go to wb.com/ultravioletdevices. Consult an UltraViolet Retailer for details and requirements and for a list of HD-compatible devices.

BASICS
Street Date: August 9, 2016
Order Due Date: July 5, 2016
Languages: English
Audio: Dolby Surround Stereo
Color / Closed Captioned
Price: DVD $19.98 SRP / BD $24.98 SRP / Digital HD $19.98 SRP

Supernatural Season 11 Hits Home on September 6

Supernatural S11BURBANK, CA (June 1, 2016) – The series that spawned several novels, magazines, comics, games, and even an anime series continues with more thrilling adventures as Warner Bros. Home Entertainment releases Supernatural: The Complete Eleventh Season on Blu-rayTM including Digital HD and DVD on September 6, 2016. The set contains all 23 gripping episodes from Season Eleven and is packed with over four hours of bonus content – including featurettes, commentaries, the show’s packed Comic-Con panel, deleted scenes, and a priceless gag reel. Supernatural: The Complete Eleventh Season is priced to own at $49.99 SRP on DVD and $54.97 SRP on Blu-ray including Digital HD.

Season Eleven plunges Sam and Dean Winchester (Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles) into extreme peril as they face The Darkness, a sinister new menace unleashed upon the Earth. They continue their monster-hunting missions, battling the usual werewolves, black-eyed demons and even a vengeful ghost in a stuffed bunny costume, but with a sharp new focus: destroy The Darkness. Needing all the help they can get, the brothers turn to fallen angel Castiel (Misha Collins); the King of Hell, Crowley (Mark A. Sheppard) and even an unassuming God (Rob Benedict)– only to come face to face with Lucifer and Crowley’s power-hungry witch-mother Rowena (Ruth Connell). Strap yourself in for the Winchesters’ darkest adventures yet as they journey between Heaven and Hell in all 23 electrifying episodes of the epic suspense thriller.

After eleven captivating seasons, there is no denying that Supernatural is an extraordinary TV success story,” said Rosemary Markson, WBHE Senior Vice President, Television Marketing. “With both strong ratings on The CW and strong sales on home entertainment platforms, the series continues to enthrall its passionate and dedicated fan base. We are very excited to release Supernatural: The Complete Eleventh Season with four hours of bonus content for fans to add to their collection.”

Supernatural returns this fall. airing Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW, and stars Jared Padalecki (Friday the 13th, Gilmore Girls) and Jensen Ackles (Smallville, My Bloody Valentine) as Sam and Dean Winchester, in addition to Misha Collins (24, Girl Interrupted) as Castiel and Mark A. Sheppard (In the Name of the Father, White Collar) as Crowley. Created by Eric Kripke (Revolution, Timeless), the eleventh season of the hit series was executive produced by Jeremy Carver (Being Human) and Phil Sgriccia (Smallville). Produced by Warner Bros. Television, Supernatural returns for its twelfth season this fall on The CW.

BLU-RAY, DVD and Digital HD FEATURES

·         On the Set with Supernatural: The Real Fan Contest
·         Jensen Ackles on Directing “The Bad Seed”
·         Digital Magic: Enhancing the sets with VFX
·         The Winchester Mythology: The Darkness
·         2015 Comic-Con Panel
·         3 Audio Commentaries
·         Deleted Scenes
·         Gag Reel

23 ONE-HOUR EPISODES

  1. Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire
  2. Form and Void
  3. The Bad Seed
  4. Baby
  5. Thin Lizzie
  6. Our Little World
  7. Plush
  8. Just My Imagination
  9. O Brother Where Are Thou?
  10. The Devil in the Details
  11. Into the Mystic
  12. Don’t You Forget About Me
  13. Love Hurts
  14. The Vessel
  15. Beyond the Mat
  16. Safe House
  17. Red Meat
  18. Hell’s Angel
  19. The Chitters
  20. Don’t Call Me Shurley
  21. All in the Family
  22. We Happy Few
  23. Alpha and Omega

Marc Alan Fishman: Secret Conversations About Steve Rogers

captain-america-5007562Deep inside a bunker, equidistant from MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, and Univision, the remaining candidates vying for President of the United States secretly meet. Please note they do this every couple of days.

Lowly PA: Sirs, Madam, I wanted to bring this item to you, as you may be handed some softball opinion questions in the next news cycle. That is if Donald hasn’t spouted off something racist that needs to be covered.

The Donald: Not this week, you loser.

PA: Thank you, sir. May I have another sir? Anyways… So, Nick Spencer – a comic book writer – has penned a recent issue of Captain America wherein Steve Rogers has turned out have been brainwashed by Hydra for decades. This rewrites whole swatches of his origin, potentially. But I should note the story has only just –

trump-sketch1-drdoom-1369952The Donald: Weak! Pathetic! What a loser. I mean, look, are there some great yuge stories about Steve Rogers? Yes. But none by this guy. Who, not that I’m saying anything wrong here… but Spencer is a Mexican. I personally gave over 12 million dollars to Marvel to stop this. But I think they are being run  by… well… the guy is named “Alonso.”

Hil-Dawg: *Cackling Laugh* Oh, Donald, you slay me! But I think we should all take a minute or two to come to a consensus about how we’ll react to this.

Comrade Sanders: Hilary, Donald… I think this is indicative of the fat-cat Wall Street Mickey Mouse Militia out to push an agenda to usurp more powah’ for the one percent! Furthermore –

Hil-Dingo: Just so you know, it actually doesn’t matter what you answer. I’ve already won. This opinion question. The nomination. And the Presidency. But I recognize your right to continue…

Bernie waves an angered hand from his rumpled Men’s Warehouse Special towards the Secretary of State.

Don Juan DiRacist: Look. I love Marvel Comics. Marvel Comics loves me. That they could let this baddy bad badness to occur is just another reason we can’t have Crooked Hilary or Crazy Bernie in charge. Steve Rogers should be a Trump University graduate who fights ISIS and beats them. You’ll see that when I’m President.

Hil-Django: It’s a nice thought. But just like tickets on Trump Airlines, I’m not buying it. I think the smart money says we stay conservative about this Captain America issue. When my husband and I were President in the 90’s, Captain America was an unwavering success. It’s clear that this is just another attempt by the GOP to get in the way of the rights for characters to have retconned background stories for the sake of new fiction.

Burning Man Sanders: Mista’ Trump? Steve Rogers is from Brooklyn. Like me. He fights for the 99%. Miss Clinton? In the 90’s, you’ll denote I wrote many a’ bill to try to stop things like Captain America’s laser shield, Heroes Reborn, and several other complete mishaps during the time President Clinton should have been reconsidering Glass-Steag –

Hilary pulls out an air horn from her purse and honks it angrily at Senator Sanders.

Lowly PA: Gentlemen, Mrs. Clinton… We really need to come to a consensus here. Meet the Press is going to ask each of your communication directors about your stance on this topic in just an hour or two! And the people of America are screaming bloody murder! Some people are livid that there would be such a retcon to a seminal staple of the American spirit. Others are just casually awaiting the arc to end before jumping to conclusions.

Drumpy-Dumpty: Nate Spicer is a Mexican. When I’m President, we’re going to destroy these copies of the book, rewrite the backstory, and make Captain America great again.

Feel The Burn: I think Mr. Spencer is a good writer. Would I have taken such a drastic step in the first issue of a long arc? Potentially. But I think it’s key that we hear the complete story, and work togetha’ to ensure that Captain America doesn’t allow Wall Street to be too big to fail!

Hilarious Clinton: It’s clear to me now, that I feel the same way as any woman would at a time like this. When the country needs to still be this divided over a male-centric issue? It’s a shame. And one that I’ve been fighting against for years. And I’ll fight it more… over the next four years. When I finally take my throne as promised.

The three candidates get up from their seats. They exchange pleasantries and perform the ceremonial secret handshake. Donald Trump then puts on his traditional Latverian tunic, finger-extending gauntlets, and sorcery-empowered armor. He seals his craggy orange facade behind the mask of Doom, and flies out of the cave, to an awaiting mass of white supremacists. I mean… Latverians. Hilary Clinton gets into her Goldman-Sachs’ LexCorp Power Armor™, hugs an awaiting Loki, and promptly teleports back to her secret Harlem think tank. Bernie Sanders tears away his Robert Hall Special revealing a more frumpy Mervyn’s, and plinks away at his 2005 Blackberry. He calls to ensure his greyhound tickets are in order, and takes the stairs towards the street-level shelter to await his bus back to California.

Nick Spencer remains secluded in his own private bunker while the baby boomers all get their death threats in order. He reminds himself that it’s just fiction, he does have an editor who approves his scripts, and, thanks to Doctor Doom, the compelling feeling that there really is no bad publicity anymore.