Tagged: Michael Davis

I Want To Be Like Mike, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • March 7, 2008
 
What is cool? 
 
I’ve always thought that each person should gage what he or she thinks is cool. I hate those magazines and television shows that tell you what’s cool or what’s hot and proclaim what they think we mere mortals should follow. Not just follow, but follow blindly. How do we know the person entrusted with that list is not some stupid old fart who still thinks that The Beatles were Paul McCartney’s first back-up band?  This is the person who gets to decide what I will think is cool? For my money that’s the problem with the television and fashion industries. Take an original show like Sex in the City* –that show was bold and funny and deserved the label of cool. 
 
* I must admit I only watched that show when I was trying to impress a girl. I am straight, you know.
 
So what do TV executives do? They green light shows which are pretty much carbon copies of Sex in the City. One is called Lipstick Jungle. The names of the other shows, I can’t think of. Let’s call those other shows Middle Age Girls Gone Wild or Booty Call Diaries or I Can’t keep a man so I have to devote my time to my career because I’m just not that attractive anymore but that’s OK I have my work but I’m ugly. 
 
The hope is that these shows will garner ratings and become cool enough to spawn spin offs and licensing. 
 
Not likely on any of those counts.
 
This “we think this is cool” happens a lot in the fashion industry also. Some “experts” say what they think is cool to wear and hope we will act like sheep and follow along.
 
Bah. Bah, my tight firm ass. Yeah, I work out. It’s the PS3, 360 and Wii ass workout. 
 

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ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending Mar. 2, 2008

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  • March 2, 2008

I love March, particularly the way the winds blow in such promise for the year to come.  Spring training, buds on the trees, the hope that we can avoid any more snowstorms, it’s all fraught with positivity.  Even our weekly ComicMix columnists seem to be more enthusiastic than usual (particularly Michael Davis with his Obama-at-SDCC teaser):

Spring forward, fall back into bed now…

ComicMix Columns for the Week Ending Feb. 24, 2008

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  • February 24, 2008

Ah, it’s Oscar time again!  I know I’ll be glued to my seat, whilst falling asleep in it at the same time!  Look for all the geeky movies to win the usual geeky (technical) awards, most of which won’t be given out on the air.  Better to get your geek on reading our ComicMix columns for this past week:

I know Ratatouille will probably win for Best Animated Feature, but I’m still rooting for Persepolis, so there.

I’m Mad As Hell, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • February 22, 2008
 
I like to laugh. I see humor in most everything. Most people meet me and assume because of my wicked sense of humor I must have lived a charmed life. 
 
Nope. 
 
As I have mentioned before, two members of my immediate family were taken by violence and that does not leave you a lot to laugh about. My family was really poor and I survived more than one brush with death growing up where I did. Not the kind of life story that makes for a giggle fest.
 
The reason for my mostly cheerful outlook on life is my mom. If you think I’m funny (and you certainly won’t after this article), if you have read any of my other stuff and thought I was funny, then you should meet my mother. She is freakin hilarious. My mom had a lot more to deal with than me and she dealt with it with good humor and was confident that she would not just survive but flourish, and she did.
 
As stated above I like to laugh and do find humor in most every thing except violence and cruelty. 
 
I am not a behaviorist, anthropologist or psychiatrist. I do not claim to understand the effects of environment, religion, tribal history, poverty or anything else that that affects human behavior.  I know that there are reasons why people do things. I know that there are sometimes societal reasons why people hurt other people. 
 
You know what? I don’t care anymore.
 
I hear a lot of reasons on the nightly news explaining why some people commit horrible brutal deeds against other people.   

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My Follow Americans, by Michael Davis

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  • February 15, 2008
 
Hey, did I miss something? I may have as I don’t visit the site every day but did we not just pass one year of ComicMix?!! Where is the fan fare? Where is the celebration? 
 
Where is the love?
 
I’m not sure if fans know just how much goes into maintaining and producing a site like this. This is a HUGE deal. For any business to survive a year is a massive achievement and for an entertainment company to do so is nothing short of monumental! So my hat is off to the rest of the ComicMix crew! I am very proud of my small part in the ComicMix story and look forward to many more years from what has become comics and related media’s best place for great stuff!
 
A while ago I wrote a column about what I would do if I ruled the world. I realize now that was unrealistic at best. Ruling the world has been the mad dream of history’s idiots and I am no one’s idiot. I thought about how foolish it was for me to attempt to rule the world. That was perhaps the second silliest thing I have ever done. The first was assuming that a certain entertainment company would make toys from a wildly successful animated show I had a hand in creating. What was I thinking? 
 
No more. Enough.
 
My days of unrealistic fantasy daydreaming are over. Well except for the Asian girl hot oil Michael Davis sandwich daydream. I’m holding on to that one.
 
But all other silly daydreams are gone. That said I still want to help my follow man and I intend to do so. So today I am announcing my candidacy for The Presidency Of The United States.
 
This, I can do!
 
I am neither Democrat nor Republican. I am a member of the Comic Book Party. We are a small but powerful party that believes in whatever I say, as I am the only member. I told you it was small.
 

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Pow! Zap! Dim! Thick! Asinine! by Michael Davis

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  • February 8, 2008

hello-kitty-superman-9367110Have you noticed that whenever there is an article which feature comics, it almost always features a Pow, Zap, or some such idiotic way to describe comic books in the title? If not fight effects then it will begin with Holy, as in Holy Crack Whore! Comics find their way into Rehab!

As a comic book reader you no doubt want to scream your disapproval, but alas you cannot, as any action you take in defense of comic books would get you branded a geek at best or immature at worst. 
 
I am a grown man and love comic books and the industry that produces them, but I, like you am a wee bit…
 
PATRIOTS SUCK!
 
Sorry. Just had a subliminal moment and flashed back to the NY Giant’s impossible Super Bowl win. Forgive me, it won’t happen agai…
 
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PERFECT SEASON, SUCKERS??
 
I am so sorry that keeps happening. However, in my defense I was so sick of hearing how my beloved Giants were just a gnat on the ass of the Patriots. I was also sick of hearing about the perfect season of the Patriots, so much so, I have developed subliminalitis. 
 
Sub*lim*in*al*itis: 
The abrupt screaming out of phrases such as The Patriots got their cocky asses kicked, during unrelated conversations or writings. See: Dynasty…not. 
 
To the fans in New England, hold your head up high! You won EVERY SINGLE GAME…almost!
 
You only lost one game.
 
Only one.
 
One loss.
 
The Super Bowl.
 
I’m sure that people will forget that you lost the Super Bowl but won 18 games.
 
Sure, they will!
 
Yep, So hold your head up high! 
 
That way you can see the sign that says LOSERS!! 
 
As I was saying, I am a grown man and love comic books and the industry that produces them, but I like you am a wee bit tired of the comic book industry being look at as “kid stuff.” Just the other day I was reading the February 4th issue of The National Law Journal…
 

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ComicMix Columns For The Week Ending Feb 3, 2008

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  • February 3, 2008

Snackies at hand?  Ready to cheer on the best ads in between the quarters?  Me, I’m psyched to see me some Tom Petty at halftime.  Before they take the field for Superbowl XLIIayeaye!!one!, why not warm up with this past week’s ComicMix columns?:

I love how the titles of those first three columns kind of go together… sex, hate, death (warmed over)… Anyway, Giants in, erm, four, just to be weird…

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 2, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • February 1, 2008

Last week I decided to write the worst TV show pitch in history since that is all that seems to get on the air these days. My show is called I’m An Asshole If I Watch This Show.

It’s Fantasy Island meets Bambi meets Lord Of The Rings meets Don’t Forget The Lyrics meets any reality show meets Leave It To Beaver meets Cheers!
 
Last week I introduced you to the regulars of a karaoke bar called Ass Funk. A young Asian lady named Denise Lee had come into the bar to drown her sorrows because her daddy had presented her with what he said was proof that the man Denise was going to marry was a Hobbit. Her fiancé Bilbo Baggins assured her he was not a Hobbit and that her father was just afraid of losing her.
 
When last we left Denise she had fallen off the Karaoke bar stage and been pimp slapped… 
 
Hey…wait a sec.
 
You see that link in my first paragraph? Well click on it and you’ll get last week’s column. Why the heck am I rewriting all this? On my horrible show there would be no damn recap. So here’s the rest of what a typical story line would be on my show…
 
Bilbo Baggins is staring at his ring while he tells Denise to go ahead and have him checked out. That way she will have an answer her father can never question. Denise resists this but Bilbo insists, saying “I have nothing to hide. I’m not a Hobbit. There are a lot of three feet tall people who don’t wear shoes and have the ring that rules all rings out there. Your father has raised the question, it must be answered beyond any doubt.” Denise sees the logic in this and decides to take the envelope her father gave her to the police department so she can get the proof she needs. Before she leaves she turns and asks Bilbo where he’s from. “I’m from the Shire.” He says without thinking. “Where’s that?” Denise asks. “It’s eh…in the hood near South Central.” He blurts out.
 

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Good For What Ails You

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  • January 27, 2008

There’s something in the air, and unfortunately your author has caught it.  But it’s well worth rising from one’s sickbed to bring you the weekly roundup of ComicMix columnists!  Isn’t it?:

Apologies for not adding in Andrew Wheeler’s "Manga Friday" columns before now, but he’s only started numbering them himself.  And by the way, the best thing about being sick?  Erm, well, nothing, actually…

The Worst TV Show Ever – Part 1, by Michael Davis

  • News
  • January 24, 2008
 
kim-kardashian-sex-tape-2-8-07-3109261There’s a show on The E Network called Keeping Up With The Kardashians. After watching that show once I am now convinced we are living in the last days of The Apocalypse. 
 
I won’t even get into why the show makes me want to shoot puppies and beat old  – it just does. Let’s just say The Kardashian family is full of a bunch of elitist assholes and it is my hope that their limo breaks down in the hood and they have to ask some poor people for help. 
 
No, that’s not right. Forgive me for being so mean. Truth is, I hope their limo breaks down in the middle of a gang shootout and they are each shot in their plastic asses. 
 
Oh, by the way, the Kardashian women have HUGE asses so a bullet won’t hurt. 
 
I have sold four TV shows in my career. “Sold” meaning I had meetings at a network and they made a commitment to “develop” the show. 
 
‘Selling” does not mean the show will ever see air. Trust me, being in “Development Hell” is no fun at all. It occurs to me while watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians that I have been barking up the wrong tree. I have tried selling shows that have some kind of redeeming message and it seems what some in America really want is the stupidest crap you can think off. 
 
So I’m officially jumping on that bandwagon!
 
I have come up with the worst possible TV pitch in history…except for MTV’s Sweet 16 or The Janice Dickerson Modeling Agency. Even I can’t come up with shows worst than those.
 
Here’s my pitch Mr. Network Executive:
 

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